New Avenger, Old Past | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Chapter 26

For a bit, we just sit on my bed while I explain everything that happened. Out of anyone, even my Dad, I would prefer to tell Bucky. Everyone in the compound has been through some kind of torture, some kind of pain, but I feel like Bucky can relate better to what I went through, minus a few details. It's as much the truth as is how much I hate that fact. And, also, I feel that he knows how to handle my pain better, lessen or heal it in a way. He calms the storm, numbs the pain. Instead of sympathy, I get empathy, and comfort. He doesn't just sit and say he's sorry for what I went through, he listens and understands it and tells me how he healed and continues to heal from being the Winter Soldier. I couldn't love him more for it.

"I just... want to get away from it, you know?"

"I know, Doll," His hand slides over my hair,"I know. But, in my opinion, that's nearly impossible. We may be able to go back to normal, but it's always apart of us now. No matter how much we try to run, it always catches up with us. So, the best solution is to learn to live with it. Which I guess is easier said than done. But, everything takes time."

"I don't know what I would do without you, Soldier." I look up at his eyes, which I will forever admire, then his lips. And I rediscover how soft they look.

"Now you know how I feel." He separates the space between us, his lips finding mine. His kisses are gentle and careful, lightly brushes against my lips.

"I missed you so much." He says, resting his forehead on mine.

"You can't even imagine." I lay down on his chest, sleep washing over me. His heartbeat is a lullaby that feels like it was made for my ears only. I drift off to sleep, and for the first time in a long time, I dream a dream.

A dream of cotton candy clouds and colorful fields. Of soft breezes and summer loves. Of flowy flowers and even flowier dresses. I dream of me and my love running through the grasses of my childhood home.  Somehow, it brings me peace. Maybe because my mother isn't there, there is no HYDRA, no Jeremy, no torture, no pain. Just love and pure happiness. I want that for him and I. Pure happiness. And I never want to give it up.

Sadly, I wake. Luckily, it's in his arms. It may be late in the night or early in the morning, and his eyes are close and his breath slow, but I enjoy waking up like this as much as ever. I slip out of his arms and stumble to the bathroom. I take in my state, my bruises now darker and my bags more noticable. I splash my face with cold water and lean against the sink. What time is it?

Three. It's three in the morning.

Two. There's only two of us in here, right?

One. Only one of us is asleep.

"You can't escape me, Y/N." My chest heaves at the sound at his voice. No NO NO! I turn and his hand finds my neck.

I wake. Again. Except this time I'm screaming and there are beads of sweat all over me and I can't breathe. I CAN'T BREATHE.

"Doll, hey, it's going to be ok just look at me." I can't move. I can't breathe. Bucky is hovering over me, his hand finding mine. He places my hand on his chest and takes deep breaths,"Breathe with me, darlin'." I struggle to inhale, then exhale. Inhale, exhale. I regain control of my body throw my arms around him, my face now wet with more than sweat,"Just breathe, breathe for me, Doll." I breathe harder and then it slows, my chest still unstable with sobs,"That's it. Good girl, I know it's hard.

"I h-hate this..." I manage.

"I know, me too."