Love Worth Dying For (RusAme)

Childhood

A/N: Some quick doodles I did of Russia (these are mine)

It's been a couple days since I made up with Ame's friends. I got most of their numbers in my phone now and I've spent my time after school talking to them. The only one that still seems hesitant about me is Japan. And I can't really blame her though cause she did witness the fight between me and Ame. I try to forget about that.

Germany, Poland, and Ame were talking about the project in our astronomy class. I haven't been assigned to a group yet and I'm not gonna lie I want to work with them. Even though I prefer working alone this is the first time in like forever I've had any real friends. Or comrades, as my dad always said.

Ame: Hey Russ who do you want to work with for the project?

Me: I don't think I can choose. The teacher will probably just make me work alone again.

Ame: It's a group project you have to work with someone.

Germs: As far as I know Russia never did his work in group assignments..............

Polska: Oh come on give him a second chance!!!!!

Germs: Well than again neither did Ame...............

Ame: Hey!!!!!!!!

Me: You're not wrong!!!!!!!!

Ame: Sheesh Russ I thought we made up!!!!!!!!

Me: Jk, jk............or am I?????

I chuckled at this dumb conversation.

Ame: Hey maybe you can work with us!!!!!!!

Me: I would if the teacher would let me.

Germs: I don't know what other group you would be placed in..........

Ame: Yessssssss!!!!!!!

Germs: You okay with that Poland?

Polska: Yeah.

Ame: Do you have an interest in this kind of stuff?

Me: Maybe............

I actually used to be really interested in space for a while. I had heard that countries may be able to go to Mars in the future and that's all I wanted to do in life. Except I wanted to be a builder on Mars. I always imagined myself besides my father constructing the future Mars city. My dad was a builder and I wanted to be just like him. But when I was told that was highly unlikely to happen I have given up on that dream. Only the best of the best would ever make it, and that's even if we did. My emotions made me weak so I knew I stood no chance. And when my dad died..........I knew that dream had sealed its fate. That's why I was looking forward to this project because it's probably the closest I'd ever get.

Ame: Wait really???? You and me both!!!!!!! The idea of exploring and mapping a whole new planet sounds so much fun to me!!!!!!

Wow I guess me and Ame had more in common than I though. I really wish I could have been friends with him sooner. Than maybe I wouldn't be so............pathetic............. Maybe I wouldn't always be having those terrible dreams every night.............I hated that about myself. I flopped myself down on the bed, nearly getting a shard of vodka bottle impaled in my foot. I really need to clean that up................

Then it hit me. Babushka told me that ghosts and demons are attracted to clutter cause it creates negative energy. Maybe if I cleaned up in here it wouldn't be such a hellhole. There was some plaster in the garage I could use to cover up the holes I punched into the wall. And the rest I could just paint over.

Ame: Hey Russ you want to come over to my house today?

Me: Actually I have a project I want to work on at home. It's a surprise.

Ame: Oooooooooo I love surprises!!!!!!! Good ones, that is.................

Me: I'll get to work now and see you tomorrow guys!!!!!

Ame: Byyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

He was so over the top sometimes. But I guess that was better than being a stone cold jerk.

I got up to go to the garage to get the supplies I needed. On the way there I caught a glance of something. It was the babushka dolls I always used to play with as a kid. It was one of those dolls that if you opened it up had several smaller dolls inside of it. I always used to imagine the largest one was a giant bear and the smaller ones were soldiers or hunters that had to fight the bear. My dad always hated when I played with them cause it was "unmanly." He would always call me a "queer" and rip it straight out of my hands. He told me real men don't play games and have to be tough. And after a while I started to believe it. I haven't touched those dolls since he died. I stopped playing games and began drinking because it was the only thing that could numb the pain. I abused other countries to try to make myself feel better but when that didn't work.............no, stop thinking about it Russ!!!!!!

I picked up the doll and brought it back to my room. I opened up the first doll and found that the second one had a sticky note on it with a scribbled angry face. A whole sea of memories came flooding back to me. I opened up that doll. There was another sticky note on the third one's face. It also had a note inside of it. I opened up the note and found child like handwriting.

"Propirty of Russia." It read. "Do not toch." I could tell this was before I could spell good. I opened up that doll and found another note that was really rolled up. I unraveled it and it had a picture of a red ball.

"Marz. The red planit. The color of my dads fayse." In the corner was a doodle of me and my dad in cosmonaut suits and what looked like the martian surface. My dad was holding his famous hammer and sickle. I smiled at the drawing. I had so much more confidence back then. I wouldn't say it was quite Ame's level of confidence but it was pretty close. I wish I could get that confidence back somehow.............

The final doll contained some small plastic guns with some old dried out tape flaking off of them. I used to tape miniature AK-47 figures to the dolls and have them shoot the bear. I felt so nostalgic I actually had a smile on my face. It gave me just enough motivation to get me working on my room. I couldn't wait to show Ame when I was done.