When you're drunk || Karlnap

chapter thirty two

It was excruciating, the silence in the car on their way back home. But for some reason, Sapnap was muse, thinking about whatever. Karl didn't dare to ask, the smaller one was rarely paying attention to anything around him. His eyes were staring holes into the floor of the car, and he hasn't stir in minutes. It was incomparably with what Karl thought Sapnap would be like now. Everyone was fine with them being a couple, with them loving each other and the brunet thought the smaller one would be immensely happy about that. But he was captivated by whatever thoughts were swaying around in his head.

But what Karl was forgetting in that moment, was on Sapnap's mind all the time.

Not everyone accepted them, not everyone knew about them. And it was making Sapnap skittish and desperate. The thought about how his mother could possibly react was gnawing at him, making him sorrow and yet he was a little bit more certain with himself because of the reaction of his friends. It was reckless to just go up to her now and tell her but it was baited anticipation, the feeling of relief that he felt as his friends embraced him as they left the diner together. Together. That's what he and Karl are.

His head finally gyrated around to the boy in the drivers seat.

Karl was driving because of him. He had taught him that, how his hands should be placed on the steering wheel and other random things that the brunet would still sometimes forget. Just like now, his hands were wrong placed on the wheel.

"Your hands", Sapnap said.

Karl winced, surprised by the sudden voice of his boyfriend that was so zoned out a few seconds ago.

"What?", he asked, clearly befuddled.

The smaller one had a soft smile on his face that was making the corners of Karl's mouth twitch for a second as well. The butterflies under his skin was making him bite down on his lip, trying to stop the upcoming smile on them.

"Your hands are placed wrong, little".

"Oh", Karl tried to reposition them and Sapnap nodded satisfied as his hands were in the right position.

"So? What have you been thinking about?", the taller boy finally asked.

Green eyes were peering out of the window, his left hand was beckoning in the air to shake off the question.

Uncertainty was invoking inside the already crestfallen body of Karl. It was dubious that the smaller one would rather not talk with him right now and it was also sort of futile to talk to him then.

But the serenity was making the brunet increasingly scared, if not involuntarily uneasy.

"Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?", there was genuine worry in his voice as he whispered the question.

Sapnap was resonating with the tranquillity.

"No, it's not you".

"Doesn't sound very convincing", Karl's hands were slightly trembling on the steering wheel.

It was tangibly that he was sick of the abeyance in their relationship. It was abundant that Sapnap was dismissively sometimes and it was horrendous how contentedly he was with it. Karl really tried so laboriously to not say anything, to not jump down into the precipice with whatever there can be down there. But he wanted lucidity and he knew that it was much to ask for, but he couldn't bear it anymore. He finally wanted to know him, understand him, help him and just be there for him. Love him, how he will never comprehend.

But luckily, Karl didn't need to jump down into the cold water, no, it was like Sapnap was reading his mind because suddenly, he was answering his question.