We're Having Our Baby

Thirty One

Harry's P.O.V. December 30th

Emma: Will you be back soon?

It's getting late.

Are you okay? I'm worried

Harry, please answer me.

I look at my phone for the first time in a few hours as I sit with Sarah and Mitch in their living room. I called Mitch right after I left Jillian in the living room and like Annie, he yelled at me for being an asshole. I'll admit that in the moment I wasn't thinking about how rude I was coming across, so looking back I feel extremely guilty.

I hope Em knows that I truly believe she's the best mother in the world—I'd hate myself if I made her think otherwise. I really want to apologize, but I feel like I shouldn't over text.

Harry: Be back soon. Don't wait up for me, you need sleep.

Once I hit send, I turn my phone over.

"So, are you crashing on our couch or what?" Mitch asks after I've been quite for a few minutes.

"Um, I probably shouldn't. I told Em that I'd be back tonight, so I better keep my word. Thanks, though."

"Course, anytime."

"Alright, well I'm going to head to bed now," Sarah stands to leave, "You're welcome here any time, Harry."

"Thanks, goodnight."

"Night, babe," Sarah bends down to give Mitch a kiss and the jealousy hits me hard. There's no way Em would kiss me like that right now. Not after our argument.

"Dude, you're a mess," Mitch says once Sarah is out of earshot.

"I know," I sigh, "Being a parent is hard."

"Have you told Emma how you're feeling?"

"No," I frown, "I probably should though."

"You're supposed to be a team, right? I don't know much about parenting, but I know you gotta talk to each other about this stuff," Mitch tells me.

"I know, I just don't want to stress her out even more. I didn't even realize how much this was affecting her until today. And I fucked up. I really fucked up," my head hangs down.

"I feel-" I start to choke up, "I feel like we're both just painting smiles on our faces. It's not like we aren't happy, because we are, but I guess we thought everything would be perfect once Charlie was born. In some ways it is because when I'm with Charlie, when I'm holding her, I just feel so much love. I can't explain it, but it's like nothing else in the world matters. But then I'm brought back into reality where the world is still spinning, and I have to deal with the lawsuit while running on five hours of sleep." Mitch nods his head to show he's listening.

"But I don't want to feel tired. It's my job to take care of her, I don't want to feel weak or like my parenting skills are compromised. I'm better than that. I can do better."

"Harry, you're still human. It's okay to be exhausted. You have a month-old baby for Christ's sake. She is completely, one hundred percent, dependent on you. Anyone in your shoes would feel the same, including Emma."

I take some time to process his words. I don't want to admit that Mitch is right, but he is. I shouldn't feel guilty for being tired and wanting a break. In fact, if I got a break maybe I wouldn't have lashed out at Em like I did. Still, there's no excuse.

"Look, just go home. Get some sleep and apologize to Em in the morning. Call me if you need to, but I know you two will resolve this."

"Okay. Thanks for the advice, I don't know what I would do without you," I stand and give my best friend a hug.