We're Having Our Baby

Thirty Two

Emma's P.O.V. December 31st

"What's on your mind?" Harry asks.

More like, what's not on my mind? I don't even know where to start, and I'm sure I won't get through it without crying.

"Baby, you can tell me anything. I want to know, I want to help," Harry's hands hold tightly to my sweaty ones.

I open my mouth to speak, but I really don't know where to start. Just figuring out what to open up about first is stressful.

"Let's start small. What's stressing you out right at this moment?" Harry asks.

"Everything," I say weakly.

"You gotta be more specific, baby."

"I don't, I don't know. I don't know what to say first," I tell him.

"You're stressed about talking?" I nod. "Okay," he takes a moment to think, "Talking can be overwhelming but I promise it will help. It will help me understand, and it will help you get some stuff off your chest."

"We're not going to the party anymore, does that relieve some stress?" he tries more.

"A little. I'm worried about Charlie and Anne," I say, wiggling my fingers a bit to get Harry to loosen his grip on them.

"I'm going to text Gem and ask her how Charlie is doing, okay? Will that help?" I nod again, "Why are you worried about my mum?"

"The boys can be a lot, and her house isn't as big as ours," I tell him as he types a message to his sister.

"The boys have a lot of energy sometimes, but they're also with Jared and your mum. I'm sure they're behaving just fine. I also know for a fact my mum has been waiting to spend more time with them, and she wouldn't have invited people if there wasn't space," Harry explains.

"You're right. It's just a stupid, irrational, fear," I shake my head, scolding myself for stressing myself out.

"It is not stupid," Harry says sternly, "Your feelings and stressors are completely valid."

"Okay. Thank you. Has Gemma responded?"

Harry checks his phone and reads aloud, "She went to sleep great, we didn't even have to play your silly songs, insert tongue emoji. She drank four ounces too, seriously she's an angel."

"That's good," I smile briefly.

"She's going to be okay, Em." Harry sends something back to Gemma and then gives me his full attention again. "What else?" He brushes some of my hair away from my face and it makes me shudder. Harry frowns at my reaction.

"Em? What are you doing?"

"I've also been, concerned, I guess, about us," I start, and his brows shoot up. I can tell he's scared of my confession.

"I know you apologized, but what you said really hurt me, Harry. It's not even our different opinions on how to go about the lawsuit, it's the way you spoke to me and how degrading you were. I, I really never would have thought you'd be the type of person to act like that."

"Emmy, I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean anything bad I said about you. Please, know that you are a wonderful, strong, mother. I really couldn't do this without you," My heart swells at the nickname, one that he hasn't called me in such a long time. But it doesn't last long, because I'm still caught up on the fact that I didn't even know who Harry was when he acted like that, plus we still need to continue that conversation.

"I don't think I can... well, I want to forgive you. I really do, because I know you mean it when you say you're sorry, but that triggered something in me. It brought me back to when my dad would yell terrible things at me. Things he would apologize for in the morning, but then say it again the next time he was upset with work or with my mom or his drug dealer."

Harry slouches more when I tell him this. I can see the guilt rising in him, and it hurts me. It hurts me that he said those things, but it also hurts me to know how hurt he is over it. Is that unhealthy?

"I never, ever, want to remind you of your dad. I don't blame you for not being able to forgive me, hell I can't even forgive myself. I can't promise that we won't get into arguments later on, but I do promise that I will never speak to you like that again. I promise, I swear." It's like he's begging for me to believe him, and I think I do, so I just nod.

"Also, you haven't kissed me since then," I add sheepishly, like I'm a little girl nervous to talk to her crush.

"What do you mean?"

"You've kissed my cheek, but it's not the same. Do you not want me like that anymore? I know I'm not back to how I looked before I was pregnant, but I've been too stressed and busy to work out. And I'm trying to get to a place where I feel comfortable having sex, I'm just not there yet."

"Darling, you are beautiful. I love the way you look, even if your body never looks like it did before, I don't care. I'm sorry for not kissing you. I didn't know if you wanted me to in case you were still mad at me, but now I know better. And I don't mind waiting to have sex. Take as long as you need, okay? If there's something I can do, please let me know, but I understand you're not there yet."

"I'm trying," I whisper.

"I know, baby. Just don't push yourself. I've also been wanting to work out more. Maybe that's something we can do together, plus it's a good stress reliever," Harry suggests.

"I'd like that," I tell him honestly. I would love to have some set aside, one-on-one time with Harry. I know it will get better once our house goes back to being a home and not a zoo but having an exercise partner could be fun.

"You're yawning," Harry points out. "Do you want to go to sleep? We can talk about whatever else you're feeling tomorrow unless there's something you want to say now."

"I think the only thing left is George..."

"Right, we'll discuss him tomorrow."

"And I want you to tell me how you're feeling too, Harry," I make sure to tell him.

"I will."

Too lazy to properly get ready for bed, Harry and I undress while still sitting on the bed and he hands me the shirt off his back to wear. We then crawl under the covers, and he pulls me close to his chest.

"I love you so very much, Emma. Please keep talking to me," Harry whispers and I turn my head to meet his gaze.

"I love you too," I say back, and he finally presses his lips to mine. It's a sweet but loving kiss, something we both desperately needed.

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A/N: Chapter 33 is alreadyup :))))