A Winter Soldier and A Lost Cause

Chapter 3 - Scars

The Next Day:

You hadn't left your room since the training session yesterday morning. You hadn't intended to show that much vulnerabilty, the organisation's training forbid it. Nat had come to check on you, Tony and Steve had tried too but you had ignored them. You had well and truly gone back into your shell.

You'd felt oddly comfortable yesterday to tell the team your origins but hadn't thought through how it would feel later on knowing that they knew you had been an assassin for hire. They still didn't know everything. You had given them the rose-tinted view of your past and you feared more questions if you spoke to them or that they'd avoid you knowing what you once were . That would probably make you feel worse. So you locked myself away in your room. It was a nice room, big but it still felt foreign to you. It was sad that your prison cell had felt more homely than this room but it was true.

As you were lost in your thoughts there was a knock at the door. This knock was softer than Nat's and Tony's had been, perhaps even hesitant. It made you curious. "Who is it?"

"Uh it's Bucky"

Crap. You looked like hell, hadn't bothered caring about your appearance holed up in your room. Not that Bucky would care, he'd never be interested. You quickly brushed your hair and threw on an oversized hoodie then opened the door. "Hi"

"Hey" Bucky said. God he looked good. In a black shirt that hugged his muscles and his hair freshly cut short which surprised me at first. He looked less like the winter soldier this way, perhaps that was the point.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" You replied trying to be casual.

"Well no one has seen you since training the other day when you-"

"Ruined my aura of mystery by spilling my tragic life story?"

He grinned, "uh yeah, that"

There was a small silence. You felt at ease with Bucky, more so than with the others.

"Do you want to come in?" You were nervous to ask that, worried his response would be no.

"Yeah okay" he said and he walked into your room as you opened the door fully then closing it behind him.

You walked over to the bed and sat crossed legged patting the area in front of you. Bucky hesitated but came and sat down. "So" he said, "back to my question, are you okay?"

You sighed. "To be honest I feel like an idiot. I knew you guys for less than 24 hours and spilled my story. I'm-"

"Scared how everyone will treat you knowing your past?"

You stared at him blankly. He'd hit the nail on the head.

"I'm going to take your facial expression as a yes" he said.

You laughed slightly and put your head in your hands. "I'm a mess. A big fucking mess". A tear escaped my eye and you felt Bucky's touch as he pulled your hands from your face, holding them.

"Hey, hey, there's only room for one mental screw up on this team and I claimed that spot a long time ago" said Bucky. You chuckled. He then wiped a tear from your face. You made eye contact with him and there was a tension between you that you didn't totally understand.

"You might have to make room for another one" you said, "I'm pretty damaged" a few more tears escaped.

"There's nothing damaged about you doll, you're beautiful". Bucky's comment took you by surprise. He called you beautiful. Then he seemed to realise he was still holding your hands and let go. That's when you noticed you hadn't had the urge to throw him off me like you had when Tony placed a hand on your shoulder. That was new. Bucky stood up.

"You should come downstairs, Wanda has made dinner and I think it'll be good for you to get out this room." He started to walk to the door then turned back, "They're less judgey than you think you know. If they could accept me, they'll accept you" he gave you a sympathetic smile then left.

You were still boggled by him calling you beautiful. It played on repeat in your mind. You decided you'd have to leave the room eventually so why not for dinner, seeing as Bucky seemed to want you there. You took off your hoodie and top and as you reached for a new shirt you heard a voice say "What... happened?"

You turned around quickly. Bucky was stood there. You hadn't even heard him come back. He'd seen the scars on your back and no doubt wanted an explanation. Fuck.