No one really knew you, understood you... until him.
Could he really love you? With all the blood on your hands? Even if he did ... did you really deserve love? Or were you always destined to hurt him?
But he wasn't innocent either. He was the Winte...
Sorry it's been so long! Had some health problems and this wasn't a chapter I wanted to rush! ENJOY!
READER WARNING: SCENES OF THERAPY/ PTSD/ DEALING WITH TRAUMA
Y/N POV
48 days, 4 hours, 11 minutes and 28 seconds
That's how long it had been since I spoke to or saw the Avengers.
It was the 23rd of December and snow was as far as the eye could see from every window. Tony's one condition on letting me leave was that I stayed in his Vermont house so that I could have my privacy but also be protected by automatic security should Mr.F pay a visit. I was glad that he offered me a place to stay because I truly had no idea where I would've gone. I was thinking rashly and just needed to get away from the life I'd been living, whether I had a plan or not.
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A few days after I left the Avengers, I had seriously considered going back thinking I'd made a mistake and convincing myself Bucky and I's relationship wouldn't survive the distance. As I was repacking my bags to go home, an envelope fluttered out one of my jean pockets and I was proven dead wrong.
*Flashback - November 9th*
I recognised the handwriting instantly and hesitated, worried it would be a goodbye note telling me this was just too hard and he couldn't wait for me. Eventually my curiosity won against my fear and I sat on the bed I had adopted as mine to open it. Inside was a flash drive and I plugged it into the laptop Tony had kindly gifted me so I could play solitaire or watch a movie in bed. At least that's what he thought someone my age would want to use it for. There was only one file on the drive and it was a video. When I clicked on it and Bucky's face flashed onto the screen, my heart ached for him. He was sat at his bedroom desk in the same clothes from the night of my birthday and he looked devastated. Clearly this was after our conversation on the balcony. I pressed play and prepared myself for the worst.
"Hey Doll,
I don't know when you're seeing this. Maybe it's been a few hours, a few days or maybe even a few months... god I hope it's not been months."
He placed his head in his hands and took a few deep shaky breaths and I felt incredibly guilty. After a few moments he sat back in his chair with red eyes and continued.
"I want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I understand more than anyone why you need some time away. I wish it didn't have to be without me but I know it's what's best for you."
He paused as if he was thinking of the right thing to say next.
"It's important to me that you know I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to get bored and call it quits. I will wait for you as long as you need me to and I will love you as long as you want me to. I pray you always want me to... because I could never love anyone the way I love you doll. No one even comes close to you."
