A Winter Soldier and A Lost Cause

Chapter 11 - Illusions

A/N: Shoutout to ameliabarnesx ! She's been so supportive of me and this story and is an amazing writer! Thank you!

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My eyes welled as I looked at him, "I think... I think  you're my mission Bucky. I think you all are"

"It was just a dream Doll" Bucky said wiping my tears with his thumbs.

"But it wasn't, I think it was a memory" I said, my voice small and fragile

"I thought you said your memories weren't wiped?"

"They weren't" I replied with a sniffle. "But this one was different. I... I was..."

Bucky leant down placing his forehead on mine. "It's ok, you're safe now. I'm not going anywhere. Just take your time"

I took a deep breath and sat back, still gripping his forearms to ground me.

"I went on a mission and hesitated for a long time before I killed the target. My handler wanted to terminate me because I was too soft and god I wanted him to. I know that must sound terrible but I'd given up. I had nothing good to live for"

"I understand" Bucky replied, I knew he would better than anyone but I could hear in his voice that it still pained him to hear about me in such a dark place.

"He would've done it but the women who lead most of my unit's operations wouldn't let him. She said they had too much invested in me. Then the dream shifted and I was in a lab being injected by the head of the organisation with god knows what. I saw your picture Bucky, on the target board. I saw you, Steve, Nat and Tony before I blacked out". My voice broke as I finished retelling the dream.

Bucky was deep in thought for a long while before he spoke. "Did you have any abilities or powers after that?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Not that I  know of. That doesn't mean I don't have them. Whatever memory that was I either buried in my mind somehow or they did wipe me and I just didn't know they had"

"We'll find a way to find out for sure, Tony and Bruce can help. As for seeing us on target boards, a lot of people and organisations have vendettas against us, that's nothing new. So maybe it's just a coincidence"

"That's a bloody big coincidence Bucky. I just happen to end up in the Avengers tower after being experimented on and trained by an organisation who has an axe to grind with you all"

Bucky frowned, "But you didn't know you'd end up here, Tony planned it. Besides that guy from the warehouse didn't seem to know you were still alive so how could you ending up here be a part of his plan?"

"I don't know. I have more questions than there will ever be answers for." I sighed and rested my head forewards on Bucky's shoulder.

He kissed my head and rubbed my arms affectionately which helped me relax a bit.

"Did he say anything to you, the head of the organisation?" Bucky asked me.

"He said that 'they' would never see me coming and that I would be their 'ruination'." I sat up again, "I can't be sure that he wasn't referring to you guys Bucky. I don't want to hurt any of you"

He placed both his hands on my cheeks and stared at me with his piercing blue eyes. "We also can't know that he was talking about the Avengers. We can figure all this out and I promise you I'll keep you safe. Right now though, I think you should try and get some sleep. We won't get any answers if you're too tired to focus"

"I'm scared that if I fall asleep, the memory will start again. I lived it once Bucky, I don't want to see it again."

"I can stay if you'd like?" Bucky offered without hesitation. He made me feel safe and I was so grateful to him. I simply nodded and Bucky climbed into my bed next to me. I rested my head between his chest and shoulder wrapping my arm around his torso as he held me around mine too.