Stupid To Fall For You ~ Harry Styles ~

032

The camera Harry got Vada is at the top :)

V A D A

Sitting in bed, staring at the wall that is dimly lit by the bedside lamp with the TV playing in the background is a situation I am too familiar with. 

I've come to the conclusion I can't accept the camera from Harry. 

I checked on the internet just how much the camera costs and 7000 dollars for a camera is a lot to spend on me. I'm not taking his money like that. 

At around 3:30 in the morning, Harry comes into the hotel room like always, but today I don't bother shifting my eyes to the TV and placing a fake smile on my face. 

I continue to stare at the wall instead. 

"Hey, baby." He says smiling. I shift my eyes to his and hug the duvet closer to my body. 

"Hi." I whisper, barely loud enough for him to hear. 

"Did you open the gift? Did you like it?" He asks me, sitting beside me at the edge of the bed as he takes his shoes off. 

"Yeah, that was a really nice gesture Harry, I really appreciate it. But I can't accept it. That camera costs a lot of money and I can't-" I start but he cuts me off. 

"I got it for you, Vay. If you don't accept it, it's just going to sit in that box until you do." He tells me. I look in his eyes again and shake my head. 

"I can't." I tell him. 

"You can." He responds.

"No Harry! I can't accept that camera because if I touch it, I'm going to ruin it! I can't ruin the camera, do you know how bad that would make me feel? And it doesn't matter how much the camera wants me to use it, I can't! I can't ruin it!" I suddenly snap, not raising my voice but not staying calm like I usually do. 

Harry looks at me with his eyebrows furrowed. "You won't ruin the camera, baby." He tells me, obviously confused. 

He doesn't get it. He's the camera. And I'll ruin his happiness if I tell him how I feel, I can't ruin it. 

"Yes I will, Harry. It will get ruined, it will start to fall apart and I can't ruin it when it's perfect. If I do, I'd be a monster." I stare at him with sad eyes, not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of this conversation. 

After staring at me in silence for a minute, a look of realization washes over him and I think he finally understands that I'm using the camera as a metaphor. 

"I... I think that the camera wants to be used, Vada. Using the camera and showing it different parts of he world won't ruin it, it won't ruin it at all. I think that the camera wants you to be honest with it and take pictures of all the things you want to share with everyone with it. I think that if you stop taking pictures with your Polaroid and use the camera, you will see the world in a whole new way." He tells me, using my metaphor.

He knows he's the camera. 

And he also knows I'm hiding how I feel from him. 

"I can't ruin it, Harry." I whisper to him, shaking my head. 

"You aren't ruining it baby, your giving it a purpose in life." He says, climbing over me and siting against the headboard beside me. 

I let my eyes follow his movements, this moment seeming so fragile that I'm scared if I look away, he'll disappear or stop understanding.

"But what if the camera doesn't really want to see the world. All you really need to take a good picture is a city, sometimes even a town. It doesn't need to see the whole world, I know it doesn't. The world is not as interesting as the camera may think. It has dark parts and no body wants to take pictures of that part of the world. So, I'm going to take pretty pictures of the world with my camera, but I'm not going to let the camera take pictures of the dark part." I explain as I stare at his sharp jaw line, the words making much more sense in my head then when they came out of my mouth. 

I'm the world right?

"Ok, no more of this metaphor shit." He saying as he grabs my waist and has me straddling his lap in one swift motion. "Tell me how you feel Vada, be honest." 

I shake my head , staring at his now exposed chest, he somehow took off his shirt without me not fixing. "It's not that easy." I whisper, tracing his butterfly tattoo on his abdomen. 

I do this a lot, it's calming to me. 

"It can be. Let me see the dark parts of your world, you've seen mine." He whispers back. I gulp and don't move my eyes from his chest as I speak.

"I-I feel alone." I blurt out, not really knowing where to start. "Everything that has happened in the last month happened so quickly and it left me feeling alone. And I know that I have you, I have the guys, I have Faith and I even have Kendall, but I feel alone. I always feel alone." 

I look up to see Harry's reaction and he has his eyebrows furrowed more, creating a line between them.

But his face isn't judgemental, I can tell. He's confused by the look on his face but his eyes are full of sympathy and sadness. 

"And I'm also a little scared." I blurt out again, finding it a little easier to talk. I continue to stare into his eyes as his hands stay firm on my waist. "I'm scared because I have this feeling inside me, other than emptiness, there's this constant crushing feeling building up in my stomach. And I know that one day, things are going to get really bad and this crushing feeling will crush me in seconds. I'm scared for that day to come." 

I look frantically between his eyes, feeling so vulnerable it's making so nervous that I can't pick one to look at. 

"I'll make sure that day will never come, I promi-" He says, but I cut him off before he could finish his sentence. 

"Don't say those 2 words. They mean nothing, they're just words." I tell him, shaking my head. 

"Alright, fine. But I know that this day won't come." He try's to reassure me. 

"No, you don't know. That day will come cause that's the only way to get rid of this crushing feeling, Harry." I say, but he just shakes his head. 

"I'll do anything to make sure it doesn't come." He tells me, nodding his head, but it sounds like he's saying it to himself more than me. 

So, I say the only thing I wanted him to do when I wrote that letter and the only thing I want him to do now. 

"Just hold me Harry, don't let me feel alone right now." I whisper out and his frantically moving eyes freeze. 

He slowly nods his head and wastes no time pulling my body to his and a very tight hug while he buries his head into my neck. 

He holds me like I asked him, but we both know he's going to have to let me go soon.

Let me go of the hug... or let me go, let me go?

That's another thing to be determined.

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So um, how do we feel right now?