Stupid To Fall For You ~ Harry Styles ~

033

V A D A

Being waken up by the hotel door closing is not my idle good morning. I look around the hotel room, and of course it's empty. 

Harry and I didn't share another word last night. We both just feel asleep in silence but I knew his head was going crazy. 

I didn't want to do that, I really didn't. But he wanted me to tell him how I feel so I did. 

Now that I'm alone again, what should I do? Sleep or... sleep? 

I think I'm going to sleep. 

By the time I wake up again, it's about 12 in the afternoon. 

What to do, what to do? 

I look around the room before my eyes land on the notebook I wrote in last night peaking out of my backpack. I walk over to it and take it out of my bag, grabbing a pen as well. 

I then make my way back to the bed, getting comfortable before opening the new page and writing Harry's name at the top. So, I write the first thing that comes to mind. 

/////

Harry,

Last night, you asked me to tell you how I felt. And you wanted me to be honest. So I did. But the scary part it how easy it was for me. I don't talk about how I feel, because if I did, it never ended well. It even took me years to open up to Faith about what my father did to me. But with you, it's just so easy. And I don't know why because it never has been. I know I can't be open like this that easily with Kendall or the guys, but you make me want to tell you everything.

I want to, trust me but I know I can't. Because if I do, I don't want to hurt you or make you feel anything other than happiness. You mean a lot to me and I have never been treated how you treat me. I have never been shown affection, but you make me feel everything I never thought I could. I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think good right? I don't know what my feelings are with you, though. Like I said before, I have never been shown affection or been shown that someone even cares about me so these feelings are confusing. But I know I'll figure it out soon, at least I hope I do.

Harry, everything that I have been through in my childhood scared me away from everything. All my feelings, talking, being open, it all scared me. And it's not like I ever intend to tell you about my childhood, cause I don't. I have never told anyone about my parents other than Faith because I don't want people to look at my with sympathy and sadness. I don't know how I would be able to talk to you again if you always looked at me and only saw a scared little girl. I have so much more to offer than my past, and you do too.

I don't really know why I'm writing this letter again but I guess it just brings me a sense of comfort. The saying 'Talk Things Out' is shit because I still feel empty but now you just look sad. I didn't want to do that to you Harry, I don't like seeing you sad. I like seeing you happy. Like when your on stage, performing for thousands of your fans. Or when you and the guys are goofing off backstage or in one of your guys' hotel rooms. Everything is so much easier when everyone's happy. 

I know people tell you not to do something just because it's easy, but I'm scared that if I pick to do the right thing, it will drain us. I have a lot of fears, and losing you is one of my biggest ones. I know you want me to be open and I know you want me to be honest with you, I do too but it's hard for me. Oh how I wish it was as easy as saying good morning. But I'll try to be open, and I'll try to not chose to do something just cause it's easy. 

But as you know, I'm not good at making promises.

- Vada