Stupid To Fall For You ~ Harry Styles ~

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V A D A

The next morning, I didn't leave the surprisingly comfortable bed at all. 

After Harry left, I cuddled into the blankets and stared at the wall until I fell asleep. The crushing feeling, it was back just like the emptiness is back. 

The next time I woke up was at 3 in the afternoon and for once, I was actually able to sleep by myself. That's progress, right? 

But when I woke up, the emptiness remained and the constant crushing feeling was stronger than ever. 

After I used the bathroom, I adjusted the curtains so that no sunlight would shine through and resumed my position on the bed. 

After another hour in my thoughts, I got cold so I grabbed the first hoodie I found, instantly realizing it as Harry's.

 I didn't dare look at the notebook that caused me so much pain, but I was my fault for even writing down how I felt on the first place. 

It was all just useless, wasn't it? Feelings and all, what's the point of them if you just keep getting hurt? 

I didn't realize the time had passed so quickly until the hotel room door opened. 

I heard Harry, or who I hoped was Harry, take of his shirt and walk into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Harry walked back out and sat beside me, staring at me with his eyebrows furrowed. 

We didn't talk much after we went to bed last night. 

"You alright?" He softly asks, rubbing his hand up and down my arm that is still under the blanket. 

"M'Just not feeling well, I won't make it to the show tonight." I lie. 

"Alright." He responds, his lips in a tight line before he leans down and kisses my forehead. 

"I'll just take a shower and then I'll leave you to rest." And the next second he's walking into the bathroom.

After another hour and a half, I decided to finally get up so I could shower. I slowly stand up and weakly walk into the bathroom. 

As I get in the bathroom, I realize I'm too tired to shower but there is a nice bathtub so I'll just take a bath instead. 

After turning on the tap to start filling up the tub, I stand in front of the mirror so I could brush my hair out. 

But I let my eyes linger on my reflection a little too long than I probably should've. 

My lips are dry and chapped, my eyes are red, I have dark circles under the red eyes even though I was sleeping for half my day and my hair looked like a rats nest. 

The stinging in my eyes came back and my lips starts to quiver. 

"No no no." I whisper to myself, shaking my head and pinching my eyes shut but it did nothing expect make my vision blurred. 

As I looked at myself once again, I finally let myself fall apart. 

I let the tears that have been dying to come out fall down my cheeks and onto the floor. I slowly made my way to sit in the ground, not able to look at myself any longer. 

And that crushing feeling, it took over me. It crushed me just like I knew it would. 

I feel so ashamed of everything. Ashamed that I couldn't just talk about my feelings with Harry, ashamed of my past, ashamed of those damn letters. 

I just feel helpless, empty and worthless. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. 

I need something, someone, anything at this point to save me from drowning.

Once the tub was 3 quarters filled, I decided to get in. I got rid of all the clothes and gently set my naked body down in the warm water.

 I let the tap run a little while longer, staring at the water in front of me. The tears had finally stopped, after what felt like hours. 

The crushing feeling, I don't know where it went, but I think it went away. 

Now all that was left inside was emptiness. I felt hallow, as if I didn't even have a beating heart nor blood pumping through mg veins. 

I softly dunked my head under the warm water of the tub, acting as if it would make everything go away. 

It didn't. 

So I tried again, but held my head under a little bit longer. 

Again, it didn't work, but I felt relief under the water. 

So I tried one more time, but this time I didn't bother going back up. I kept my eyes closed, letting go of all the air in my lungs slowly, creating a bunch of air bubbles in the water only for them to pop once they hit the top of the water line. 

I felt at peace under the water. My hair floating around me, my eyes closed and my lips slightly parted. 

Something about having the choice to not go back up made me feel at peace. 

I let myself stay under the water, the ringing that was in my ear now completely gone and my lungs not fighting for air anymore. The only thing I could hear was the steady sound of my heart beating. I wasn't scared or nervous. 

I felt free. 

Any second it could end, and instead of fearing what could happen, I felt relieved that it was an option.

I started to hear a faint noise, but I ignored it. I continued to focus on my rather calm heartbeat. 

Suddenly, I am being pulled above the water again. 

The second my head meets the air, my lungs start fighting again and I gasp for air. I follow the hands that were on my shoulders, knowing who it was the second I saw the cross tattoo on his hand. 

I finally met Harry's green eyes and they were filled with panic and fear. 

Harry saved me from drowning. 

"What were you doing?!" He frantically asks in panic. 

"I was just cleaning my hair." I reply back, sounding weak. 

Harry eyebrows slightly furrow as a frown takes over his features. After a minute or so in silence, he takes the hem of his shirt and slides it off his body before grabbing a towel that was next to the toilet, completely clean. 

Harry softly lifted me out of the tub and gently wraps the warm cotton towel around my fragile looking body. He rested me in his lap before sliding into the floor, leaning against the tub that was now filled to the brim. 

He carefully unwrapped the part of the towel that was covering my chest before pressing out naked chests together. 

I felt his heart race against my brutally calm one. 

And there, I realized maybe the word I would use to describe how I feel about Harry wold be love cause it feels too strong to be just like. 

The silence that we have created was being loud, very loud, but it was also saying all the things we were too scared too say. 

Harry saved me from drowning.

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