Untouched (BWWM)

Thirty-Five|Two maybe three

"I'm ready to continue."

"Are you sure?" I ask Kasia.

She came from the bathroom. Kasia seemed like she's feeling better but still shaken. Her shoulders are hunched dwarfing her height. I hate seeing her like this. Literally falling apart at what must be a painful thing to share with me. But I hope she finds some relief from discussing it.

Still I think she would benefit from counseling.

"I'm sure. I need to finish. I have to talk about this. Holding it in is swallowing me up from the inside. You're the first person I've told. Mom knows I met up with him but I didn't tell her the rest."

"Okay. You left off at Mickelo telling you about his Major Depression and trying to hurt himself twice in the past."

Tilting her chin towards the ceiling, she takes a second. "Right, he stormed off I didn't hear from him. I called him everyday but he wouldn't answer my calls. I was so worried he'd tried to harm himself again. About a mouth after he texted me, that he wanted us to get back together. Of course I told him I couldn't. I'm in a relationship with someone I love and I'm not attracted to him or men that way. Mickelo text me saying he'll do anything to make us work. He kept texting me everyday. Spamming my phone that he'll die if he couldn't be with me."

Kasia stops talking becoming silent. She shakes her head clenching her fists. I wonder what happened to him.

"It was to the point where he started making threats he'd kill himself if I didn't give him a chance. I started getting anxious he would, having learned about his poor mental health. So I tried reaching out to his family and shared my concerns. His family blamed me for what happened after we broke up in high-school. Even after I explained everything they told me to stay away from him."

"I'm guessing that only made you more nervous." I say.

"Yes. I couldn't sleep, Layla was getting worried. I didn't know what to do but I was worried and scared for Mickelo. A few days after I reached out to his family, I was contacted my his older sister. She told me the worst possible news. Mickelo took an entire bottle of sleeping pills and never woke up. He committed suicide."

I think I expecting her to say this, but it still floors me hearing it out loud.

"He took his life Eureka and the crazy thing is, I feel like if I hadn't gone to meet him that day, it wouldn't have happened. It could have been avoided. That kind, sweet, loyal human being is no longer alive because of me. It's all my fault he's gone. He's gone because of me." She mutters the last part as she tears up again.

I hug her close, knowing she's breaking right now. She's grieving a man she shared a past with. Someone she once cared about at a time when she didn't quite know who she really was as a person.

"Kasia it's ok to cry if you need to." I whisper in her ear.

I don't know what to say to make her feel better.