Ą poisonous kiss 💋(Book-1)

chapter-24

conflicting emotions

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(Elliots  pov)

I would be lying if I was to say everything was fine. I would be lying if i didn't wake up drenched in sweat and that the nightmares don't go away. I would be lying if making love to her wasn't a pure blessing until the memories come rushing back. The past has gotten a hold of me and would not let go. it's suffocating me slowly choking the love out of me. Waking up to find her sleeping next to me has become a drug to me only until those awful memories flood my mind. I thought LOVE would have been enough to fix the broken past yet that's not the case. I thought the love I had for her was enough to fix everything...

Yet my heart is heavy.

It's been a month since our relationship began and it has been blissful yet heart aching as well. I let out a deep breath as I glanced down from the balcony, the cold winter air brushing against my cheeks making me shiver. It's December and is starting to get colder. It might snow, something that hasn't occurred in many years...

My feelings for her have shifted so much that I no longer know what's real or not and to be honest is driving me insane...

"hey, I made hot chocolate would you like some?"

Her sweet voice appeared behind me, God she's so beautiful and every day that passes she looks more like her old self, she smiles more and takes better care of herself is like she's reviving herself again. Yet her pain still remains but she's getting stronger and that makes me happy. I promise to take care of her and love her yet what if i lose myself in trying to save her life?...

Truth be told, I think I'm already losing myself.

Is that a bad thing?

We went back inside and as we sat and drank our drinks, I could not help but feel the weight of the world on my chest. Her big eyes seem to shine once again, and it makes me smile yet why do I feel so sickly when I lay next to her in bed. Avoiding the answer to my own question has become a habit of mine. "So umm have you thought about going back to school?", that question seemed to catch her off guard as she began to get nervous...

stop being a jerk and just be honest with yourself and her

My brain yelled at me.

She cleared her throat and shook her head, "there's no point of it". was her response and yeah i agree with her yet maybe it was my instincts screaming to run or maybe i really want her to be successful in life and finish school. My heart began to beat fast, and my inner soul screamed in rage. The memories of the past swam within me and suddenly it became too much for me to handle. Melody glanced at me with a worried expression as she saw me beginning to tremble and breath shallow as my memories of me and my brother going to school and then suddenly, he was no longer at school anymore because HE WAS ROTTING IN THE GROUND. Because he was dead by age ten, he cut his wrist because his heart was ripped out by the girl who is now sitting in front of me.

These awful memories that do not leave me alone have invaded my mind ever since I saved her life. Am I being punished by loving the girl who broke my brother's heart?

The anguish I felt going to school after his funeral was enough to make me stop going for a whole year. That's why I'm still in school now. My stomach turned upside down as the memory of the day I found him dead then the memory of the day I found melody nearly dying in the bathtub. WHAT THE FUCK she has no right to kill herself because he would have given anything to be alive today. This is too much. I'm going insane...

coming back to this town and then living in the same house that we stayed in until his death was also driving me insane.

I can't breathe!

I stood up so fast that I knocked over the chair I was sitting on. I walked fast to the bathroom where I puked my guts out...

Melody tried to help me, but I pushed her away and locked myself in the bathroom. I sat against the wall as the shower ran muffling the sound of my crying...

there's too much pain

And guilt.

(Melody pov)

I sat on my bed trying to stay calm as Elliot remained in the bathroom. I think he's conflicted with himself, and the fact is I know he's in pain because as much as we would like for our love to flourish it's nearly impossible. I know his suffering and it kills me, I know he holds so much anger within himself, I know how badly he wants us to make it, yet I also know he is being tortured because he doesn't know whether to love me or hate me or to stay or leave. I am getting better because of him yet in the process he is getting worse...

I love him yet; I am becoming poison as he heals me, I am killing him.

I don't think I'm strong enough to let him go.

Our moments together have become addictive to the point I love having him here with me. I have grown to adore him and yet when we lay in bed at night, I often hear him crying silently to himself...

His feelings of uncertainty are destroying him...

I need him, I love him, I hate the fact that I'm weak, yet he makes my life worth living however at what cost...

I'm selfish and I shall pay for my mistakes...

But I know I have to let him go before he loses himself completely. It is not fair for him nor me...

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They are conflicted with themselves and what will they do?.

Also are there any more secrets lying beneath the surface?.

Any more drama?