Ą poisonous kiss 💋(Book-1)

chapter-16

Conflicted with my actions

Previously

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His eyes lingered on the floor as he clutched his head with his hand. I stood quietly as I watched him until he looked up at me and gave me a weak smile...

"You know the worst part of dying is that your entire body hurts and the medication simply numbs the pain that your bones feel just enough to fake it throughout the day "

I slowly nodded my head as I glared at him.

Truth is, every word that he spoke is true. The medication numbs the pain just enough yet the pain doesn't go away...

"How do you feel?"

I asked as I bit my fingernails as my heart pounded wildly against my ribcage. He cleared his throat and stood up yet stumbled a bit. "To be honest?, I feel like shit". He said in an honest voice.

His presence makes me want to shoot myself honestly.

"Ehm would you like to lay on the bed so you could try and rest?".

Fuck why?

Ugh why can't I just tell him to leave me alone instead I'm helping him because I feel guilty and...

Because i...

He reached out for me and I froze in my spot. His tall structure slowly made its way towards me. His hand landed on my waist and before I knew it he hugged me.

"I...I'm sorry its just I need a hug"

The honesty in his voice was enough to break even the sharpest of glass. My breath hitched as I stood there unable to move.

Tears spilled over and my legs wobbled a bit. I sniffed as the growing agony in my chest and throat became too much for me to handle. Oh fuck I'm gonna freak out...

"Let go!....let me go!"

I screeched as everything became blurry and as soon as he let go I moved fast into my bedroom and locked myself in.

Hyperventilating as tears fell freely I scrambled for my anxiety medication. From the outside Elliot knocked on the door yet I didn't respond. I popped two pills in my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut as the crying was becoming more intense. I shut my mouth in order not to make a sound. I sat on the bed gripping the fabric of the bed sheets tight enough that my knuckles turned white. I got the courage and stood up. I reached for the doorknob and unlocked it. I immediately opened it...

"Leave!"

I raised my voice a bit.

He looked concerned about me yet I pushed him away.

"Leave now!"

He backed up a bit yet walked forward without hesitation and with steady hands wrapped himself against me.

I fought back yet he was stronger and I was weak.

"I forgive you

Because i... I can't stay away from you!"

He spoke as he hugged me. My body gave out and I stopped fighting. I didn't whimper or even cry out. I simply let him hug me until I lost myself in his bitter aroma. He looked down and I raised my gaze, our eyes locked and everything vanished away...

Before I could think about what I was doing I kissed him and he did the same. Our lips connected as our bodies exploded with ecstasy. Something I never felt before and it was wonderful...

We got lost in pure passion and forgot who we were and what we did. Everything turned into dust as we removed our clothes and landed on the bed completely ignoring our past and tragedies...

We let go of the past.

Our bodies danced with one another as our souls connected with each other. And suddenly everything came rushing back and I yelled bloody murder.

"STOP!"

I shouted as tears trench my cheeks. He seemed to have snapped out of it too and immediately stopped and got off of me. We stared at each other in complete silence and regret. I covered myself up and wiped my tears away. He cleared his throat and retreated to get dressed...

What the fuck did we just do?.

What the fuck?.

This can't be real

I picked up my clothes and rushed into the bathroom. I turned on the water and slipped into despair letting the water wash away my feelings and soul...

I sat there letting the water run and pouring down upon me as I shivered as it had turned cold. Once I had enough I stepped out and stared at myself in the mirror...

Anger erupted within me and in an instant I smashed the mirror with an open palm. I winced slightly as blood spilled from a cut in the middle of my palm. Yet it was enough to make me feel better. I know how sickly it sounds and how mental it is but in that moment it was the only thing that made sense...

Eventually when I stepped out of the room he was already gone...

I cursed under my breath as every being in my body wanted him back but most importantly my heart ached for his...

And it terrifies me.

i laid in bed that night craving his touch and his lips. I can't believe i let this happen yet being his felt right. my feelings for him remain the same or maybe now they are stronger...

I don't know.'

yet my mind and heart fought each other on behalf of the pain making me feel conflicted with my actions.

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Oof

That wasn't supposed to happen lol