Since Day One

Part 18. Memories

"Why must we discuss such unimportant matters?" Lexa answered annoyed.

"They're not unimportant, it's Finns life" I answered her with a serious tone.

"I repeat, unimportant, and it should be too you as well, remember, if death has no cost then,-" i cut her off.

"-then life has no worth I know, jus drein, jus daun."

"If you understand then why not agree?" She asked me.

"I agree, I do, but what if we could put an end to the blood shed. What if the death of YOUR lover was the only way for peace, what would you do?" I asked her, trying to make her change her mind.

"I would do whatever is best for my people" Lexa answered me, her tone just as serious as mine.

"Exactly, but the pain, the guilt, it would consume you, don't do that to Clarke" I reasoned with her.

"You know what, you have no right, coming here and telling me how to do things" Lexa said to me raising her voice just a little.

"Your right, I don't" I told her, understanding I had no right to even be here. "But think about mom, how devasted you were after her death"

Bela's childhood memory, I just thought I'd add this in to fill you guys in on her early years. It'll be from Bela's point of view at the time.(Bela's 9 years old and Lexa is 8)

"Do you really have to go hunting today mom?" Lexa asked our mother as she gathered her weapons.

"Yes Lex, I've told you this multiple times, everyone has a job to fulfill so that our clan may thrive." My mother answered as she hurriedly finished gathering her stuff.

"Well then... can we maybe go with you this time, pleaseee" i asked my mother on behalf of Lexa and I"

My mother brought both lexa and I close to her face and got on her knees so we would be eye to eye, she tucked my hair behind my ear and sighed, "You know I hate saying no to you two, but you can't go, not until your older, plus you have training with Titus today"

I sighed and walked away "ugh, I hate that guy with every inch of my body"

"I don't, he actually likes me" Lexa bragged.

"Oh shut up lex, he only likes you because you kiss his ass" I shot back at her as I rolled my eyes.

I looked back at my mom while she raised her eyebrows at me.

"What, it's true." I defended myself.

"Language bel" my mom said as she got back up to her feet. "Take care of each other while I'm gone, I'll be back I promise" she gave us both a soft kiss on the forehead and left.

"By the way, Titus likes me because I'm a better warrior" Lexa smirked after mom was gone.

"Yea, that definitely explains why I can always pin you down in less than 20 seconds" I answered sarcastically.

———————————

After a few hours, Lexa and I expected for my mom to be back by now but she wasn't. When the door began to creak open, Lexa and i both grabbed our swords and prepared for whoever came in. Indra was the one to enter, we dropped the swords as we saw Indra's expression pale and full of sadness and pain, I knew that her and my mother had been friends since birth, that's why my mother always told us to 'look for Indra' in any occasion. The only thing indra carried was my mother's sword but my mother was no where in sight.

Indra came into the home and she hugged me and lexa tightly "I'm so sorry girls".
Those were the only words she needed to say for us to realize what had happened. Lexa broke down in tears and I did as my mom said, I protected her, I squeezed her hand and I let her cry. I held back my tears I know that right now, I need to be strong for Lexa.

———————————-

About 2 weeks later we heard a knock on the door, but we didn't react, Indra had become our guardian, she told us that the reapers had been the oficial cause of my mother's death so I knew that she died in pain and that hurt even more than losing her. The sword has also come into my possession.I went to get the door, and there stood my best friend.

Luna.

"Hey bel, I just wanted to see you guys, haven't seen you in a while" she said as I let her in.

"Oh yea, you know, with everything that happened, we just decided to stay home" I replied no trying to give away to many details, I feared that if I did, I would break down.

"How's lex?" She asked as she didn't see her by my side like she always was.

"She hasn't eaten anything, she's not taking it to well" I responded.

We both walked to her room and there she was, Lexa was just sitting on her bed staring at the wall.

"You've got a visitor" I said trying to get her hopes up.

She slowly turned around and her eyes shone as she saw Luna. It made me happy to see her somewhat happy for a bit.

"Why are you here?" I asked Luna.

"Oh, well, I was bored so I decided to make some rings" Luna replied to my question as she pulled out 3 identical rings from her pocket. She handed me and Lexa one and we both examined our own. The ring had a phrase craved into it.

Always+Forever

I looked at Luna in confusion and she seemed to catch on.

"Oh right, it means that we will always be together, always and forever, dead or alive, I will always be with you, and you will always be with me" she cleared up my confusion. I smiled at the concept.

"It's beautiful, I love it" Lexa said, those were the most words she'd spoken in the last 2 weeks.

Back to reality

I fidgeted with the ring that Luna gave us and I smiled to see that Lexa still wore it.

"Yes I do, but I'm fine now bel, I've gotten over it" Lexa answered my question.

"You don't just get over something like that, you can't kill Finn" I demanded her.

"YOU LEFT ME BELA! I was 16 and forced to lead everyone!" She screamed.
"I needed you and you weren't there, I had to do it all alone." She added.

"I only left because I knew you could do it better than anyone lex, I couldn't kill you in that conclave, I couldn't" I said to her calmly, trying not to agitate her.

"I would've rather you kill me then than for me to deal with all this now" she said with her tone back to normal. "I looked for you, every single day, for 3 years, until I came to the conclusion, that the only way I'd find you, is if you wanted to be found"

"I'm sorry lex, I really am, I can't tell you what to do, but I can advise you... don't kill him" I told her softly, I wanted her to feel safe with me, and I was not about to ruin that over some boy.

"If I don't kill him tonight, I'll be dead by tomorrow" she explained.

I went up to her and hugged her, I knew that she had needed support in these past 5 years and no one gave it her, she needed to feel loved, to feel safe.
"I understand Lex, I understand" I softly said into her ears as I held her in my arms.

"You have to do this, and I now understand why" I said as I pulled away.

In order for my sister to survive, Finn has to die.