Failed Mission NR

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!!!TW!!! Writing about FB deaths
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We come back home from a Mission that didn't go as planned. I have a few cuts and a bullet wound but I hide it, I can take care of it later I mean it's not like I don't know how to do it because to be honest, when I was younger I had to deal with it often. As we walk out of the jet I was the last one. We got called to the meeting room for the report to Fury. Natasha turns her head a few times back to me but I just put on a smile and hope she doesn't look through it. Having her as my S.O is surly hard in training but all in all I'm happy with her.
In the meeting room I was quiet as always but this time I didn't really payed attention. All I could focus on was hearing the blood rushing through my ears and my vision blurred from time to time.
"Y/N?" Natasha says loudly and brought my focus back on the report. "Yes?" "Fury asked you something." I turn from her to him and for not even a second a picture appeared in my head which I hoped to never see again. "I-I'm sorry, Sir. What was the question again?" "The question was what is your opinion what went wrong in the mission?" "That we trusted the information we had too much, Sir." He nods and turns his focus back to the others again. I looked to Natasha to see if I did something wrong but she smiles slightly at me so I guess I'm not in trouble.
During the report my vision blurred again and again and pictures from my past plopped up. My heart started racing but I didn't know if it was because I still have a bullet in my arm or because of these pictures. All I wanted was just to leave.
"Y/N, you good?" Natasha whispers to me and I nod. She scans my face and my body. "Is this blood?" She asks a bit louder and shocked. "It's from the others, I'm fine." I whisper back. "Agent Romanoff and Miss L/N, is there something that is important for all of us?" Fury asks again. "No, I'm sorry, Sir." I quickly answer. "Actually, Fury, I was just checking if she's ok and as her S.O I have the right to do that." Natasha smirks and I just got pale because a new wave off rushing blood through my ear, blurry vision and this time my stomach feels like he is turning upside down goes through me. "Y/N, if you don't feel well, you can leave and lay down for a while." Fury says friendly what was new, well not for Natasha or me but for the others. At first the look at Fury like he was sick and then to me. "Thanks Sir." I answered shyly and stand up.
It all went dark for a second or two and I found myself leaning on my chair with Natasha on my side to hold me. "Natasha go with her and make sure she will be fine." Fury says and we start to walk out.
In my room she leads me to my bed and search for new clothes. She gives me a long sleeve and a shorts because she knows I hate T-Shirts. "You wanna answer me now with the truth?" She asks while crouching down before me. "Just circulatory problems, I guess." I answer her. "Ok. Do you need help or can I leave to bring you a water and chocolate?" She smiles. "No I'm fine you can go back to the mission report." "Well, little one that wasn't an option. You really didn't got hurt?" "Well uhm just a bit." She nods. "So if I ask you again, is this blood and you give me the same lie again, I'm gonna undress you myself to make sure it's nothing bad." "Ok it's from me but it's really nothing bad, see? I just got a few cuts." She raised an eyebrow at me and look at the cuts. I never showed her the place where she meant but she didn't asked so. "Ok change clothes and I'll bring you water and chocolate." I nod and she leaves the room.
I took the clothes and lock myself in the bathroom. When the pressure from my suit wasn't there anymore, it the blood flows again. With the tweezers I pull out the bullet and now it was a blood river. I quickly took the needle and the thread and start to close the wound again. The pain got worse so I took two or three pain killers, I know Bruce said that one is enough for a day but I need the pain to go away and maybe it helps with everything else too. I cleaned myself up and put on the new clothes. Outside Natasha was waiting for me patiently. I walk over to her and sit down on my bed as well.
That was when the first flashback hit me.

I'm in our old apartment when I heard the first loud bang. I told my sister to hide under the bed and that she should stay there. I slowly walk down to our parents because they are still in the living room. I saw that the door was kicked open so I turn around to run away but a man hold me back. He forced me to go to the living room where our parents were tied up and with something in their mouth so they couldn't talk. When they saw they had me they start to panic even more. I wanted to help them but a nine years old girl has no chance against ten adults. The next thing I now is that they forced me to look at my parents while they got shot.

My breathing gets a bit faster and I stopped in my tracks like I was frozen. Natasha stared at me and trys to talk to me but I heard her voice muffled and couldn't understand her words.

They saw a family picture so they know I had a little sister. They try to get me to talk where she is with slaping me and so on but I stayed quiet and never look in the direction. "She is not at home, she's in the hospital." I shouted at them but that was the moment she walked down because of the noises so they made me look at how they killed her too.

The glas I had in my hand was broken on the floor. My breathing was heavy, tears were running down my chin and Natasha was shaking me. I turn my head to her and she pulls me into a hug. Feeling her normal breathing helped me to calm myself again. She let me in her arms till I pulled away.
"I'm sorry." I whisper and my voice broke. I stand up but fall, I could feel my wound is open again but I couldn't focus on it. I was nauseous, my vision blurred, I feel tired and I just wanted the pain to go away.
Natasha leans over me, shaking me a bit and I could her her talking something like "No, look at me." "Don't close your eyes." "I know you are tired but don't give in, don't close your eyes." I try to focus on her eyes but the dark was so welcoming and then everything went black.

Natasha pov:

"No there is no chance I'm letting you go under my eye, little one." I mumble more to myself because she was unconscious. "FRIDAY we need Medical help for Y/N, inform Bruce and I guess we need Dr. Cho too. I'll bring her down to the lab." "Anything else Agent Romanoff?" "No, thank."
I take the scissors from her table and cut off the sleeve. There was a pressure bandage so I leave it on and put her sleeve around it too for more pressure because the first one is already soaking.
Down by Bruce, Dr Cho was already there and they start immediately. "What's her blood type?" "O-negative." I say before they pull me out of the room. I stand in front of the window and look while they were working, till I could feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and it was Fury. He looks down to me and trys to send me a smile but failed.
He is also worried. We three have a past together. I was the one who saved her from Hydra and he is the one who took care. He didn't send her away, he trusted her, she lived with Maria till Fury ask her to join us and put me in to keep an eye on her and I failed.
"Fury I'm so sorry." I mumble and turn away from him and the glass but I know that he knew that tears are running down my cheeks. Fury puts his hand back on my shoulder. "Natasha it wasn't your fault. You know she was the only one who answered my question right. I used that she was zooned out because so she didn't hear the others, they all came up with finding excuses but she analyzed it and told the only truth. That's one thing I always liked about her, she always takes a second or a minute to step back and analyze everything before she comes back with a way/solution/plan." He also had tears in his eye.
"F-Fury, did you call Maria already?" I look up to him, I know how I looked like but he looked nearly the same so I didn't care. "Yup, she is on her way and we both are dead." I nod and turn back to the glass.
"You know I always was a hero to her. I know it's sounds stupid, we are the Avengers but the difference is that she knows my past, every single thing but to her I am always a hero. She always says 'If we would always focus on our past then we would run against every single tree and never find the end of the wood and who doesn't want to finally see the green grass with an beautiful sand beach and the ocean with his waves? Who doesn't want to feel the grass, the sand, the water and the warm sun? So look forward and you will see and feel it.' She who was through so much shit since she was a child and she comes up with her own poetry who tells you to forgive yourself and move on."
I start crying again and that was when her monitor starts to running crazy. Her blood pressure goes low, her heart rate is rapidly but her pulse is weak.
I know Fury is not the person for body contact but I didn't care anymore, I turn to him and lean against his shoulder and he really puts an arm around me. That was the moment when Maria appears next to us.

Maria pov:

My plan was to scream at them but when I walk in I saw Natasha crying and Fury was also worried. The monitor of Y/N was a peeping mess because of all the warnings. No one says a word till the Monitor was back to normal and Dr. Cho puts her thumbs up. We all breathe out in relief and Natasha turns around to me and hugs me tightly. She whispers that she's sorry but I know that it wasn't her fault and I know that if Natasha wouldn't have been with her she would be dead by now.
I hug her back and whisper

"Thank you for saving her life."

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