The meaning of protecting you with my life

What have I done

Jiang Fengmian was watching as Wei Wuxian was walking away from him after what sounded to him like final farewells, it was clear that his adoptive son was expecting to die here. After all, he had said he would never see them again. It was breaking Jiang Fengmian's heart. What had he done, or perhaps not done, so this all let to this kind of situation?

His wife had told him during their captivity about all those times she would repeat to the boy that he needed to protect their family at all costs. Truth to be told, he had been shocked; he did not know about most of those times. It had been only at that point that he had understood how deep the belief must have etched itself into Wei Wuxian's mind. But it was one thing realizing this while knowing that the person in question was alright, or even when they had been lied to about the boy's death, and another thing entirely when seeing with his own eyes what it was making his son do.

He could not believe that Wei Wuxian would really sacrifice himself just to save them. It was too sad, too shocking, too wrong. Things should have never become like this. He should have done more to make sure that Wei Wuxian would not feel like this, that he would not think that he needed to repay a debt to them for rescuing him off the streets, that he would value his life more.

Jiang Fengmian thought back to the day he had found the child for the first time. He had been already searching for him for a long time, almost abandoning all hope at that point in time. He had learned about the death of his sworn brother and his wife some months ago, but since then, he had understood that they had actually died years before that, only the news never reached him. But their child had stayed alive, although it had not been too possible that he still had been until that day. How could a young child survive by itself in this harsh world?

But despite everything, one day, just by a complete coincidence, he had been night hunting near the town of Yiling and on his way back, he had heard loud barking and a child's cries. He had hurried to help and had been shocked to find Wei Wuxian there, being attacked by a pack of wild dogs.

Even though he had never seen the child before, he had immediately recognized him. There had been no mistake that the boy was Wei Changze's and Cangse Sanren's son. He resembled them too much to not be. And he had then confirmed it when asking the child's name.

He had been overjoyed to have finally found him. Although his wife had been telling him to stop searching for the longest time, he had never done so. He had had a feeling that if he had given out, he would have never been able to apologize enough to his late sworn brother. And right there and then, he had actually been holding the child in his arms. It had been at that exact moment that he had promised to himself that he would protect him and raise him alongside his children.

Understandably enough, his wife had not been too happy about his intention and made her displeasure known. But not in front of the child so he had thought she just would have to get used to him. He had believed everything would just play out in the end. He had even promised Wei Wuxian that Lotus Pier would be his new home and the Yunmeng Jiang clan his new family!

He should have really been more attentive to what the boy had heard behind those worlds; together with Yu Ziyuan's subtle displeasure and pressure, he had come to think that he had a life debt to repay.

How could Jiang Fengmian not notice this until now? How could he had let it happen? He had done absolutely nothing to stop it from happening, he had only turned a blind eye, hoping that his wife and the boy would one day come to understand each other. He really should have intervened much sooner. It was all too late now, the damage had been done and they could never go back and do things over.

He regretted greatly not being there for Wei Wuxian earlier. All he could do now was watching the boy's back getting farther and farther away from them as he was marching to meet his end. For Jiang Fengmian was sure that Wen Ruohan could surely not have believed a word out of the boy's mouth. It was only too obvious that Wei Wuxian had been bluffing and that he only wanted to save them.

He could not bear it seeing the boy leave just like that. Turning his back on them, not out of any resentment but because he cared too much about them. But still, it hurt. Jiang Fengmian wanted to call after him and have him turn around. He wanted to tell him all the words he had not had the chance to say now. If they were about to die, at least Wei Wuxian would not think it was just his duty to give his life in exchange for theirs just like that, at least he would know that they loved him too.

Then, he noticed the Qishan Wen sect leader's expression and his mouth literally fell open in surprise. It looked like Wen Ruohan was actually pleased and there was no suspicion in his eyes. Could it be that he really believed that Wei Wuxian wanted to join him out of his own free will? Only someone who did not know the boy could think like that. Then again, Jiang Fengmian mused, Wen Ruohan could not have known his son too well.

Could this actually work? Could they all get out of here just like that? Would the Qishan Wen sect leader keep his word and let them go if Wei Wuxian would join him? Jiang Fengmian knew the boy would never actually do that, he was loyal to a fault. But perhaps if he would be able to put up a good play of pretence and convince Wen Ruohan that he was indeed joining his side, could this plan work?

When Wei Wuxian kneeled in front the Qishan Wen sect leader's throne and Wen Ruohan still looked pleased, Jiang Fengmian's hope grew. Surely once he and the rest of the family would be out of the harm's ways, Wei Wuxian would have free hands to act. He was strong and smart, there were high chances that he would be able to escape once Wen Ruohan would stop paying attention to him, he certainly must have had a plan for his own escape as well.

Jiang Fengmian chose to ignore a small voice inside his head which was telling him that he was just fooling himself. The boy had clearly said that this was the last time they would see each other, so there should be no mistake that he was saying his final farewells.

Still, it was stronger than the Yunmeng Jiang sect leader. He did not want to despair; it was much easier to hope, especially after all that time spent in a tiny and dirty prison cell, not knowing if he would ever get to see the light of the day. And if Wei Wuxian did not have a plan of his own, they would just come back and rescue him after getting away. Nothing was lost as long as all of them were alive.

And then, his hope was cruelly and painfully crushed with Wen Ruohan smirking while looking him directly into his eyes and ordering: "Take them away!"