The meaning of protecting you with my life

To tell or not to tell

The very evening when her family had become reunited in Lotus Pier once again, Yu Ziyuan called all the members – except for Wei Wuxian of course as he had yet to regain consciousness – to the sect hall for a serious discussion. There was a matter which she had been considering ever since getting home and which hardly let her sleep.

As soon as everyone including her sat down around a small table which she had had brought inside, a little reminder of their family's shared meals, she looked at all of them in turn. She could hardly recognize any of them, they had all changed during the war.

Jiang Yanli had a serious expression on her face but otherwise, she was looking quite calm and collected. Yu Ziyuan recalled all those times she had to reprimand her daughter to sit properly when Wei Wuxian had been injured and she had been impatient to get to him and take care of him. Not anymore it seemed; Jiang Yanli was now way stronger, and they had also more people to care for her brother. She was no longer the only one who would go to him and talk to him kindly when he was not feeling well. They were now all impatient to help to the best of their abilities too.

Jiang Cheng had also grown, both physically and mentally. He was now almost a foot taller, it seemed like he had gone through a growth spurt since the fall of the Lotus Pier. Yu Ziyuan noticed this fact only now. If she needed any proof that she had not been herself since Wei Wuxian had rescued her and her family from the Nightless City palace, this was the best one she could get. She had been so distressed that she had not even paid attention to her children properly.

Jiang Cheng had also gotten stronger on the mental field. Where Yu Ziyuan had not believed he would ever be able to lead the sect this soon, she had been proven wrong. Her son had stepped up to the challenge that he should not have ever faced this young and it had steeled him in the positive way. He was now sitting with his spine perfectly straight and was looking very confident in himself. Yu Ziyuan was proud of him.

As for Jiang Fengmian, her husband seemed just as tired as he had been in the war camp. However, there was no more resignation visible on his face, if anything, there was hope and hidden energy. It was clear that he was ready for whatever life was about to throw his way despite being already almost past his best years. He looked the same way as Yu Ziyuan herself was feeling; somewhat overwhelmed yet proud of their children's success all the same. The long captivity took a number on both of them and she knew they would need some more time to truly recover.

Once she checked on everyone around her, she took a deep breath, steeling herself for the discussion to come. One that had been inevitable for several days already but also one which she was not ready to have just yet. Still, there was probably no better time than right now, before Wei Wuxian would wake up.

She cleared her throat and started without much introduction: "I have called you here today to discuss a particular point concerning A-Ying." She winced a bit when her children looked at her with alarm and a speck of distrust in their eyes. She tried to not sound too severe when she continued: "It is about his golden core."

Now it was her husband who flinched a bit, suddenly looking sad. She could understand him, she herself had been horrified when she had learned her son would never again be able to cultivate spiritual energy or use his sword. It really was too cruel. She still felt extreme remorse and guilt when she realized that it had been – at least partially – her fault that he had ended up like that. She should have never gotten angry and listened to Wang Lingjiao, she should have never hurt Wei Wuxian in the she had had.

It was now however too late to do anything about it. It was not like Wei Wuxian could get his golden core back or cultivate a new one. She knew fully well that those whose golden cores had been melted by Wen Zhuliu could never again strive for the summit.

She squeezed her hands in her lap a bit tighter and willed her mind to abandon these trains of thoughts, it would do her nor Wei Wuxian no good to linger on the past and any possibilities which had been already lost to them.

She gathered herself and continued, her voice never betraying her inner turmoil: "We need to discuss whether we will tell about it to anyone."

There was a long silence in the room as they were all thinking about it. Yu Ziyuan had already considered both possibilities, telling or not telling the Yunmeng Jiang sect disciples was the question. Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan already knew about this just as Wen Qing. But not anyone else as Yu Ziyuan hoped.

It was Jiang Fengmian who spoke first, deliberately voicing his own analysis slowly to make his point: "True, there are definitely more dangers hidden when we tell anyone about it. Jin Guangshan wants A-Ying for himself, I am afraid that he would attack head on or send someone to kidnap A-Ying if he knew how weak he is right now. He is an easy target."

Jiang Yanli frowned a little bit and quickly stepped into the discussion: "But if no one knows, they would expect A-Xian to behave the same as before. They would want him to abandon demonic cultivation and come back to the sword. It will be hard for him to face all the expectations. He will surely force himself and he could end up hurting."

Yu Ziyuan had also seen this argument coming. This was exactly why she wanted all of them to talk about this together, as a family. After all, it concerned one of them. At the same time however, she was unsure of her own decision. Was it their place to decide who should know and who should not?

As if Jiang Cheng had read her thoughts, he was now coming with his own argument: "Yes, that is right. Wei Wuxian is an idiot; he will definitely try to hide everything, perhaps hoping that we do not know. We cannot have that, it was bad enough that he had to hide his pain until now, he should not have to do that anymore.

But if we want to tell anyone, there is another risk as well. Nie Huisang had warned us that there were probably also other spies and supervisors who keep an eye on Wei Wuxian in Lotus Pier already. Even if we swear everyone to secrecy, it would get out sooner or later. And then everyone would come for Wei Wuxian's head if he so much as makes a wrong step. We could not have that either."

Well, all those were true and that was why Yu Ziyuan had wanted them to decide together. This was not something that a single person should try force on Wei Wuxian. There were risks to both variants and she did not know which one was better. They had to protect her son but it could come with a great price. Which one should they opt for? She was unconvinced and torn between both options, neither of them the perfect one she would have liked to have.

No, that was not quite true, she knew it deep down. She had hurt her son too much already and she would not be able to cause him any harm again. For her, the only viable option would be to tell everyone about Wei Wuxian's missing golden core so he would not have to hide that fact. They would however have to be careful about how they would break the news to the boy in question and how they would treat him afterwards.

It would not do if Wei Wuxian would feel unwanted or useless in the Yunmeng Jiang sect. Gods knew that Yu Ziyuan had said those words often enough for him to believe that if he could not protect her family, they had no use for him and would throw him back onto the streets. She really had been such an awful mother figure to him, she did not even have the right to worry about him.

It was Jiang Cheng who closed the debate in the end. His voice was confident and there was no question that he was talking as the Yunmeng Jiang sect leader and not as her son anymore: "We will wait some more. It is not like Wei Wuxian will wake up tomorrow. Wen Qing said there was still a long way for him to walk to recovery. We should only tell our disciples just before he will wake up. It would help us to protect him now and it would also spare him any expectations later."

No one spoke after that, they only nodded their heads. The plan was clear and they had to prepare now, both for Wei Wuxian's recovery and Jian Guangshan's schemes. They would be busy for a while.