The meaning of protecting you with my life

What is happening around me?

Wei Wuxian was frozen solid after Madame Yu had all but fled the room, he could not name it differently although he was trying really hard. First his siblings who were way too happy with him being back in Lotus Pier although Jiang Cheng had not let any opportunity slip before to remind him that he hated him for causing the fall of Lotus Pier. Then Uncle Jiang crying together with him and telling him he should not say he was sorry for everything. And now it was Madame Yu whose behaviour had made no sense to him. Just what was happening around him?

He could not understand the world anymore. It had actually been easier when he had thought all of this had been a dream. Now however, he believed that he was back in reality and things had gotten crazy around him. How else should he explain the behaviour of his family? How else should he understand that Uncle Jiang had been brought to tears even though Wei Wuxian could not even start to imagine why? How else should he overlook the hurt expression on Madame Yu's face when she had apologized to him? Or had he only imagined all of that after all?

And what about Lan Zhan's behaviour? That was perhaps the most confusing and strange of all. The Second Jade had hated him during the Sunshot campaign because Wei Wuxian had obstinately refused to stop practicing demonic cultivation. The Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple had also shot down and all of Lan Zhan's attempts to play for him and help him. And yet, why was the Second Jade, the esteemed and important war hero, Hanguang-Jun, here is Lotus Pier playing healing music for Wei Wuxian of all people? Did he not hate him and wanted to take him back to Cloud Recesses to punish him for his evil ways?

Why was he not imprisoned yet? No matter if by the Gusu Lan sect or by his own family. He was a demonic cultivator and everyone had been fearing him. Why was he in Lotus Pier and why was everyone around him acting this weird? He could not make sense of anything, especially not of his family's or of Lan Zhan's behaviour.

He was thoroughly confused and his head was spinning. He knew he must have been looking like a fool when he was sitting on his own bed, in his sleeping under robe of all things, and with a mouth open in surprise. What would anyone tell if they came in?

And just like that, the worst had happened. There was a knock on his door and Lan Wangji's voice asked: "Wei Ying, may I come in?"

Wei Wuxian's first instinct was to pretend he was not in the room. He did not want to see anyone right now, especially not Lan Zhan, he needed some time to himself to come to terms with what was happening. Or maybe he could just tell the Gusu Lan sect disciple that he did not wish to be disturbed right now. However, it had not worked too well in the past because Lan Zhan would only start following him around even more often.

"Wei Ying?" came another call from outside of the door. This time, it sounded worried and Wei Wuxian could not help himself to wonder if the worry was for him or because Lan Zhan was afraid that he had disappeared and was causing trouble and sowing chaos somewhere.

After an almost endless second when Wei Wuxian could tell Lan Zhan was standing on the other side of the door with his hand outstretched, ready to knock again, he finally sighed quietly and invited him: "Hanguang-Jun, you may come inside."

The title was sour on his tongue but there was nothing he could do about that. When he had first woken up, he had thought he had been in a dream so calling Lan Zhan by his birth name had not bothered him. Now however, he had to revert to using the proper addressing. They were not on the same level after all; he was just a vile demonic cultivator hated by everyone and the other was one of the most esteemed young masters the cultivation world could offer. Even if Wei Wuxian would let go of demonic cultivation, without his golden core, they could never again be equals. The knowledge was breaking his heart.

He quickly schooled his expression to polite surprise as Lan Zhan was already coming inside. His face was as expressionless as ever but after spending so much time in his company, Wei Wuxian could actually tell that he was indeed worried. What troubled him was the reason behind that emotion. Not that he would ask of course.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said his name as a greeting while he was watching him intently. It was at that exact moment that Wei Wuxian realized there could be also another explanation to the Second Jade being here in Lotus Pier. He must have been sent by someone to keep an eye on him. At least that would be something the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple guessed Lan Qiren would do to assure himself that Wei Wuxian would not cause trouble or run havoc with his demonic cultivation. His heart sank at the realization.

That was why his next words sounded harsher than he wanted them to be: "Hanguang-Jun, what are you doing here?" He felt like so many times during the war when he had to find strength to turn Lan Zhan away even though that was the last thing he actually wanted to do.

The Second Jade continued looking at him for another few seconds and it was becoming really awkward for Wei Wuxian to the point where he tried to avert his eyes only to find them immediately drawn back to the figure clad in white robes.

After what felt like an eternity to the Yunmeng Jiang sect disciple and the distance his eyes had travelled in avoiding and coming back became hundreds of miles, Lan Zhan spoke again, his tone almost pleading: "Lan Zhan."

Wei Wuxian's eyes immediately shot back to look at him. Was Lan Zhan trying to say that he should call him by his birth name again? Why would he do that? Would it not tarnish his pristine reputation to be close to the demonic cultivator that was Wei Wuxian? This seemed to have been another one of those things which were just happening around Wei Wuxian and that he could not understand.

And so he let it go and did not react to Lan Zhan's offer – or an order? He really could not tell – in any way. He remained silent, his eyes downturned now. He heard a sigh and then the Second Jade finally explained the reason for his visit: "I came to play for you."

If they had been back during the Sunshot campaign, Wei Wuxian would have refused the offer flat out. But right now, he felt exposed and vulnerable, his body and soul still aching. He was actually longing to have that special song played to him by the Second Jade. He knew it would help him calm down and forget his confusion for at least a little. Perhaps he would even be able to relax while listening to it.

He found himself nodding slightly, his eyes still glued to the floor which was now the safest place to look at.

He heard rustling of robes and then something – probably Lan Zhan's guqin – being placed on the table. And then he all but melted into the melody which was being performed just for him. He did not even have to request this song especially and Lan Zhan was already playing it for him. Wei Wuxian sat in a more comfortable position and relaxed, letting his nerves be soothed by the melody he loved.