The meaning of protecting you with my life

Too many emotions

Jiang Yanli was not crying anymore when Jin Zixuan directed his sword down and landed. She was not crying when he helped her dismount it and was still keeping her close to his chest even though it was extremely inappropriate because they were not even engaged anymore. But she did not mind, she was actually grateful to the support he was so subtly providing. She was not sure she would have been able to stand on her own right now.

Her tears had dried a long time ago and there were none left to mourn her brother who she believed was either dead already or imprisoned in the place of her and the rest of her family. She could no longer ask any questions, her throat was feeling too dry to let even one word escape. She had been pleading with Jin Zixuan to go back, begging him to just turn around and somehow save her brother. But to no avail, even she knew that they would not be able to rescue him, their numbers were too low for that.

Once she had calmed down a little bit, she asked what the entire plan was. She needed to understand why Jin Zixuan did not seem all too worried and the others would also not let the distressed members of her family convince them to turn around or to speed up so they could gather more allies and try to storm the Nightless City palace at once. She had to understand.

And Jin Zixuan obliged her and explained: "Maiden Jiang, this is all going according to plan. We were told to take you away as soon as you exited the palace gates. We were explicitly told that Wei Wuxian would not be with you, that is why there is only four of us. Nie Huisang had said that he would be staying behind and would be working from the inside for us. I have my doubts, but I did not question anything seeing that Wei Wuxian had gone ahead and there was no helping it but going along with the plan. So please, Lady Jiang, do not worry, I believe everything will be fine in the end."

That was what her former fiancé had said. But he had not had the slightest idea about the situation in the Nightless City throne room. He had not seen how Wei Wuxian went against the Qishan Wen sect, all on his own, to let them escape. He had not known that her brother had no golden core anymore so he could not have defended himself when Wen Ruohan had been holding him up in the air. He had not seen his legs helplessly dangling from his body, he had not seen how exhausted he had been, so tired that his hands had not even tried to pry away the arm which had been choking him and holding him up. He had not been stabbed right into his heart by her brother's last smile and the content look because they managed to escape, although without him.

No, he had no idea and that was probably why he could say that everything was going according to the plan. She knew better; nothing was alright, not anymore. Wei Wuxian had sacrificed himself for their freedom and they had left him to his own devices, facing a certain death. That was it, nothing more, nothing less. Just the raw and unquestionable truth.

Everything was like in a fog now. She saw people running around them, healers coming into sight with blankets and medical supplies, ready to take care of them. Someone was standing at her side, taking her wrist into their hands and checking her pulse and the flow of her spiritual energy. The same was now being done to the rest of her devastated family. For devastated they all were, even Jiang Cheng was not fighting anymore and was just sitting on the ground, looking down, with his shoulders sagged in defeat.

She almost started to laugh maniacally – she could not cry anymore, she had no more tears left and she also knew that it would not bring her any much desired relief. But she held herself back. Jin Zixuan was still at her side, holding her and grounding her. She was glad for that, it was warm and soothing.

She was only regretting that Lan Wangji could not do the same for her brother. She knew they had not been on the best terms as of late, at least according to Jiang Cheng, but she could have seen how much they both cared about each other. She saw it in Lan Wangji's eyes while he had been desperately searching for the missing Wei Wuxian after the other had disappeared for three months. She could tell from how her brother would not stop speaking about the second young master of the Gusu Lan sect after returning from the lectures in Cloud Recesses.

Only, neither of them had said a word to the other. Now, perhaps it was too late for them, her brother could very well be already dead.

Her knees finally gave out under her and only Jin Zixuan's hands around her waist were still holding her standing. The Lanling Jin sect heir realized that he was now supporting all her weight and gently lowered her down on a bed – how had they gotten inside the medical tent again? – and called for a healer to check on her. She did not struggle nor refused, but she did not cooperate either when a young medic was asking her questions.

She could not stop thinking about her brother and how she could not see him ever again. She had not even gotten the chance to say proper farewells to him! With a heart crushing sadness, she realized that the last time she had spoken to him had actually been back in the small town after they had fled Lotus Pier and before she and Jiang Cheng went to Meishan. It hurt to know that it had been almost half a year from that day and she would probably never be able talk to him again, to hold him in her arms to sooth him, to cook soup for him to make him feel better.

She could not bear the pain anymore and she blanked out for some time. She just felt too raw and too vulnerable at the moment, and oh so empty inside!

She came back to her senses when there were hands insistently but gently shaking her shoulders and calling her name. She lifted her head and it took a great effort to focus on Jin Zixuan's worried face in front of her.

Once she did, she could tell that his lips were moving, he was telling her something. Another immeasurable effort later, she could also understand his words.

"Maiden Jiang, please... Your brother is fine, he is alive. A message just came from inside Nightless City, saying that he had been captured. That means he is still very much alive!"

Jiang Yanli's heart made a summersault and she jumped to her feet. She wanted to believe those words so much, yet she feared Jin Zixuan had said them just to sooth her. Once she would be of a sane mind again, he would just tell her that there was no such message and that they still did not know what had happened to Wei Wuxian.

However, in the middle of the tent, there was Nie Huisang, standing tall, his cheeks flushed, and holding a piece of paper in his hand. He was already crowded by the rest of her family who were asking him questions. Jiang Yanli did not care about what they wanted to know. The only important thing was that her brother was indeed still alive, Nie Huisang would never lie to them, not in this. After all, he had come to tell her and her brother that they parents were still alive and it had been true as well.

The whole room tilted to one side and blurred. It took a second for Jiang Yanli to realize she was falling down and losing consciousness. Strong hands caught her before she could hit the ground and then all she remembered was being laid down on a clean smelling sheets.

Someone was holding her hand. She felt someone touching her forehead as well. The hand felt very cool and comfortable. Was she perhaps running one of her fevers again?