The meaning of protecting you with my life

Husband

Lan Wangji was sitting on the bed and holding his husband in his arms. He was actually surprised that when he had prompted to let it all out, Wei Ying listened to him this time and spilled everything in his heart. Or at least it sounded like that to the Second Jade. He could not imagine that his husband had held anything back with how heartbroken and sincere his speech had seemed and how he had broken down sobbing again in the end.

Lan Wangji was now silently crying with him while still humming their song into his ear because he did not know how else he could show his husband that he was there and ready to provide whatever support may be needed.

He had feared that Wei Ying had been holding back for the longest time, locking all his pain and discomfort deep inside his very soul where it festered like an infection without any remedy. Still, he was surprised by just how much hurt his husband had been hiding. It almost seemed too much for one person. And he had been one of few people who Wei Ying had let see at least some of the pain including before his breakdown just seconds ago. He did not think that even the Yunmeng Jiang clan members had any idea about Wei Ying's true suffering.

He now knew that his husband should not stay here like this, he had been slowly dying inside and he could not, and should not in the future, pretend to be fine anymore.

In fact, he must not do that. Lan Wangji had not seen his Wei Ying, the young, cheerful and mischievous boy full of energy and joy for life in a very long time already. In the beginning, he had believed that it was because of a change in temperament caused by his use of demonic cultivation and he had pestered his husband too many times to come back to the righteous path. Now he knew better than that. Wei Ying was suffering because he had decided to carry too heavy of a burden all on his own.

This had to change. Now that Lan Wangji knew, he could not stay idly by and watch his husband destroy and sacrifice himself. It would be better to take him away from this hell.

Lan Wangji stilled for a second, surprised by both the idea of taking Wei Ying away from his family and by the intensity of his desire to do so. He was sure that his husband would have many arguments why he did not want to – could not – leave and find happiness. But then again, Lan Wangji considered this necessary, he just could not let Wei Ying suffer like this anymore. Even if the other was pretending to be fine, he was not if the broken and violent sobs had anything to say about it.

He needed to speak about this with his husband.

He was silently going through all the possible arguments that Wei Ying could throw at him and searching for a way to refute them and ease his mind. He was ready to even leave his own clan and sect if Wei Ying would not be comfortable with coming to Cloud Recesses with him or with the fact that Lan Wangji was from the Gusu Lan sect.

He wished to make the decision as easy for him as he could, he did not want to limit him in any way. He had already learned his lesson from almost loosing Wei Ying. He was now fully devoted to him and would do literally anything to assure that his husband found happiness he deserved. That also included giving him all the freedom and love he could wish for, of course not in an overwhelming way like the Yunmeng Jiang clan members were doing. The only thing which mattered to him was to be able to stay by his husband's side in good and bad times.

He was considering and preparing his words carefully while he waited for Wei Ying to calm down so they could speak. At last, his husband had unglued himself from Lan Wangji's embrace, looked up at him and gave him a little, sheepish smile of apology. Lan Wangji kissed his forehead gently. Then he took a deep breath to steel himself and reluctantly explained his point as best as he could:

"You are not happy here. You are suffering." His husband was looking at him with wide eyes, already opening his mouth to argue. Lan Wangji did not let him: "If Wei Ying is not happy here, he should leave. Not permanently, just for a while, to have some more space. We can travel around freely, go on night hunts if you will like to, and come back whenever you will want to. We do not have to go back to any of the cultivation sects anymore. We can just have some fun. Wei Ying should be happy." He accentuated his last sentence.

His husband was looking at him in what seemed like utter bewilderment as Lan Wangji was slowly calming himself down. He had spoken more than he ever remembered doing. But he had needed to do that, he needed Wei Ying to understand his point and to see just how serious he was about this. He kept his eyes glued to his husband's, putting all of his emotions into a single stare, waiting for him to speak.

The moment seemed endless but at last, Wei Ying seemed to have gathered himself. He had been studying Lan Wangji's face for a long while before he actually opened his mouth to ask, a little uncertainly but with hidden hope: "Lan Zhan, do you mean that?"

"Mn."

"You would like to travel around and night hunt with me. You do not mind not going back to Cloud Recesses?"

"Mn."

A little more loudly but still with evident doubts to his voice: "You do not mind me using demonic cultivation?"

"Mn."

Wei Ying's jaw was working on empty now as he was processing everything. It looked like he was having a hard time actually believing Lan Wangji's words. But that was fine, the Second Jade had been prepared for that. After all, it had been him who had tried to persuade Wei Ying to pick up his sword again during the whole war. They had also reached understanding only recently that Lan Wangji did not hate Wei Ying in fact and did not want to take him back to Cloud Recesses for punishment but to build up their home together.

Instead of arguing with him as the Second Jade had feared, Wei Ying looked pensive instead. He was really considering this. It was another proof of his profoundly shaken state. However, it also meant undeniable progress; Wei Ying was finally starting to think about himself at least a little bit. How hard things must have been for him until now that he was actually considering leaving the suffering behind?

Lan Wangji was not too surprised by his next words though, he suspected that this was just a moment of weakness and vulnerability for his husband and he would go back to putting everyone else's happiness ahead of his own soon enough. And of course he did:

"Lan Zhan, what about my family? What about the Yunmeng Jiang sect? I cannot leave them just like that..."

Lan Wangji shook his head and the words came out of his mouth before he could consciously think about them: "They would not mind marrying you out. They would not object if they knew you will be safe with your husband by your side."

Wei Ying's mouth fell agape and he all but stuttered: "Lan Zhan... do you mean... you want to marry me?"

Lan Wangji's expression remained unchanged – he was actually very proud of that fact, more so than the Gusu Lan sect rules would allow him to be but he did not care at the moment –, only his ears were suddenly burning bright red.

"We are already married, Wei Ying."

This time, it took even longer for his husband to react and it was actually kind of funny to see his quickly changing expressions flashing across his face. Until it settled on shock and surprise: "Lan Zhan... What...? How...? You..."

It seemed like Lan Wangji's statement had rendered Wei Ying speechless for once and the Second Jade could not help but feel a little smug about it. Still, he answered all those unfinished questions: "In the cave under the Cold Spring. When I have tied my forehead ribbon around your wrist; it is part of the wedding ritual practiced in the Gusu Lan sect. We bowed to the ancestors too. I consider you my husband ever since... Unless you do not want to?"

Lan Wangji was suddenly very nervous as he was waiting for Wei Ying's reply. He knew he should have said this way sooner but there just had not been a perfect occasion for that. The silence seemed endless and the eye contact was everything that mattered to both of them right now.

Finally, tears spilled onto Wei Ying's cheeks and a wide grin brightened his face beautifully despite it being swollen from all the crying he had already done today. "Lan Zhan!" he exclaimed and threw himself into Lan Wangji's arms again, kissing his passionately as he was adding between each kiss: "Yes... of course... Yes, oh gods... I am happy... so happy... My Lan Zhan... my perfect husband..."