The meaning of protecting you with my life

A happy family?

Yu Ziyuan watched her three children interact with each other and hearing their laughter was a balm for her soul. It was now a week after the moment they had all finally come to an understanding during breakfast. Ever since then, Wei Wuxian seemed to have gotten more open with them again and also stopped hurting himself. He was no longer trying to pick up his sword again, which Yu Ziyuan knew he had done only because he had though they would ask him to do so.

When she realized that, she even discreetly removed the sword from his room so he would not have to see it every day. It seemed to have been the right decision as her son was now always carrying his flute around and looked much more relaxed. She still remembered how jumpy and easily scared he had been before she hid Suibian from him several days ago. Apparently, he had been reluctant to walk around with his flute which was identifying him as a demonic cultivator.

Whatever happened to convince him that he did not have to hide his new cultivation here in Lotus Pier, Yu Ziyuan was grateful for that. She made sure that everyone knew why Wei Wuxian had resorted to it and that no one would watch him with contempt or fear. He could relax at last.

And that was just what he, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli were doing. Yu Ziyuan and her husband were watching them from the shadow of an open pavilion built above water. The three were teasing each other and laughing happily. Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian were sitting on a pier and had their feet splashing the water at Jiang Cheng who was standing inside the pond and glaring at them with a poorly hidden smile.

It was a peaceful scene that Yu Ziyuan had not believed she would ever see again. Not after what she had done to the boy. She still marvelled at the fact that Wei Wuxian was so quick to forgive them and they were all now working towards strengthening their ties as family. He had even hugged her, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable that had been for both of them. He had taken the whole Yunmeng Jiang clan on his mercy and was doing his best to fit right in.

However, Yu Ziyuan could not quite believe that everything was fine. There was just something weird about this whole situation. Something which she knew existed but could not quite put her hands on or name it.

It was the little things which would often pick her attention but would soon be over or her mind would find other explanation for them. Such as Wei Wuxian slightly flinching and his smile appearing just a tad more unnatural whenever he greeted her. Or how he would quickly hide the longing in his eyes when he saw disciples training with their swords; he had never picked up teaching again. Or how he would be just a little too cheerful yet careful to not make anyone mad at him.

Or, just like now, how he would not take off his clothes no matter how hot it got. From what Yu Ziyuan remembered from the times of his childhood, Wei Wuxian had always been quick to jump into the lakes and play with his brother or the Yunmeng Jiang sect disciples. Not anymore however. For this whole week, he had never taken off more than just his shoes and socks, always going around with his body fully covered.

She could have of course waved her hand and let it go. Without a golden core, his body could no longer regulate its temperature as cultivators used to and so he would get cold very quickly. The children and people from the town, the normal people, had never taken such liking to soaking in the lakes after all.

But she did not believe this was the true reason. Not after Jiang Cheng had tried to take his robes off the first time and Wei Wuxian flinched away, pulling his robes closer to him while glancing in Yu Ziyuan's direction. She would have liked to believe it had been just a coincidence, however, she could not. It looked too much like he did not want her to see him without his robes.

And she could easily guess why. It had been her who had personally whipped him just before he had lost his golden core. Although she had seen his back when Jiang Yanli had been taking care of him after they had rescued him from the Nightless City palace, he did not know about it. She could tell that he was trying hard to not let her see because he did not want her to feel guilty.

Or anyone else for that matter. He very carefully avoided topics which would trigger anyone's guilt but his own. He still did not get over the past. And who was Yu Ziyuan to blame him? The war had been traumatic for all of them, but most for her son. And it was not just the Sunshot campaign in itself, he had a much heavier burden to carry. All because of her. It had been her who had used to tell him all those hurtful words about his parents out of jealousy and only treating him as a disposable servant who was not good enough for anything but protecting her children. How she wished she could erase those thoughts from his mind!

He had forgiven them way too easily and it was making her feel on edge. Despite playing the perfect happy family with all of them, Yu Ziyuan did not see this. She only saw Wei Wuxian forcing himself to act cheerfully and to indulge them. It did not look like he himself was as free and high-spirited as he was trying to appear. It was just a pretence to ease their minds while he was still hurting deep inside.

Regretfully, he would never talk about it. Whenever the topic of his own well-being was as much as mentioned, he would immediately retreat into himself and show just his usual mask to convince the other that he was perfectly fine. Yu Ziyuan did not know if this was the case for everyone, but it was certainly for her. Whenever she came talk with the boy, he would always be very polite and seemingly open and friendly but she could clearly see the hidden wariness in his eyes.

He did not trust her and she knew she deserved it. She was the last person he probably wanted to talk to about his worries and pain. He did not outright push her away but perhaps this careful balance he had created between them hurt more. He should have despised her, hated her, screamed at her to leave him alone. But he never did such a thing. Instead, he was forcing himself to forget and forgive. It was painful to watch really.

The only time Wei Wuxian actually seemed relaxed and would let his mask fall was when he was with Lan Wangji. He would let himself be spoiled and properly protected, he would whine to him and talk with him openly and without pretence. Something that he no longer felt comfortable with doing around anyone from the Yunmeng Jiang clan as far as Yu Ziyuan knew.

Not that she had been spying on him or anything. It was just that their closeness and openness for each other could not have been overlooked. It seemed like Wei Wuxian was way happier at Lan Wangi's side than interacting with his own family. Yu Ziyuan was actually starting to think that it would perhaps be better to just let him go, let him follow his heart and not imprison him in their affection and tie him to Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian should be free and happy. And at the moment, the Yunmeng Jiang clan and sect were not able to give him that. The choice was his though; if he ever asked her to let him go, she would agree, that much was clear to her. Jiang Fengmian and the rest of her children were of the same mind. There was just one problem, Wei Wuxian's life was still in danger because of Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao.