The meaning of protecting you with my life

All those misunderstandings

Wei Wuxian was crying his heart out into Lan Wangji's chest. He knew he should now probably say something, or thank his family for caring so much about him, or smile at them and forget everything that had happened. Or basically do anything else than to cling to his loved one with a bleeding heart and raw emotions.

He could not believe what had been said. Do not take him wrong, he did not doubt that the words had been true and that his family had indeed changed, he just could not know how he was fitting into that picture. He had thought that they had been angry with him and afraid of him. That they had condemned him because of his use of demonic cultivation and were about to punish him and then let him pretend in front of the whole cultivation world that he had given up his path for good, leaving him with nothing at all.

Oh, how foolish he had been! How self-important and arrogant! He had thought that only he himself should protect his family and put his life on the line fort the. He would have never imagined that they would want to do the same for him. Even Madame Yu now seemed very fragile and soft when she was crying into her husband's shoulder. She looked so small right now that Wei Wuxian was ready to forget everything that she had even done in her past and believe that she wanted to flip a new page and start treating him differently.

The only thing he did not know how to feel about was the fact that everyone apparently knew about his missing golden core and that he was not a cultivator anymore. He had been thoroughly heart-broken when Jiang Fengmian told him. He had also been extremely confused; why would they tell the whole cultivation world about his weakness when they needed the Yunmeng Jiang sect to conserve its position as one of the great sects? It would have made much more sense to keep this knowledge hidden and pretend like Wei Wuxian was an all-powerful tool which was loyal only to the Yunmeng Jiang sect.

His tears had only started to fall when he had heard the explanation. He had really been assuming everything wrongly. It was not that his family wanted to use him as he had expected, instead, they seemed ready to protect him from anything and everything and from anyone who would want to as much as look harshly at him. In this light, he felt like a fool for worrying them and forcing himself to start training with Suibian again.

Now he was sobbing his heart out because of how wrong he had been and how hurt he must have made his family feel when he had not believed them. He should have believed in them from the very beginning. Thinking back, Madame Yu and Uncle Jiang had tried to explain everything but Wei Wuxian just stubbornly and rudely refused to listen to them. He was regretting that greatly now.

Still sobbing and with tears coming out of his eyes, he managed to unglue his face from Lan Zhan's chest at least so much so he would be able to speak. He tried to calm himself but was unable to do so. His emotions were raging and were still too raw and untamed for him to reign them in. It did not matter however. He had to let his family know how sorry he was for making them worried and for thinking badly of them; for not believing them.

He tried to speak as clearly as he could but his sobbing and sniffling was not making it any easier: "I am sorry, Uncle Jiang, Madame Yu, Jiang Cheng, Shijie... I am sorry to not have believed in you. I have just assumed everything on my own and I have hurt you. I am sorry and thank you for all your worry and care. I will try to do better from now on."

He did not turn his head when Jiang Cheng all but grumbled, clearly hiding his own emotions: "Shut up, you idiot! We have just told you to not do your best anymore. You can now do whatever you would like to. Even if there had ever been any debt for you to repay to the Yunmeng Jiang sect – which there had not been, mind you! –, it would have long been paid tenfold." Jiang Cheng's voice now became a little bit softer when he continued: "And just as mother said, we should be the ones to apologize, not you. You have never done anything wrong, you have only jumped into the line of fire for all of us and saved us more than once. It is time for you to take a rest, Wei Wuxian. Let us protect you in return."

Wei Wuxian felt a small hand caressing his back and he knew that Jiang Yanli who was sitting next to him was trying to sooth him and offer silent support. He was glad for it and suddenly started sobbing harder again.

"Yes, A-Xian," Jiang Fengmian's voice was full of emotions but stayed strong and unyielding, a true voice of a former sect leader. "I have not saved you all those years ago because I wanted you to be indebted to me. I have not taken you in to be a protector for A-Cheng and A-Li or to sacrifice yourself for the Yunmeng Jiang sect. Neither have I picked you up because I was in love with your mother, no matter what rumours may be circulating around.

None of those, you silly boy. Me and Wei Changze had been sworn brothers almost all our lives. I could not have let you live on the streets and die because of the harshness of the world. It was as simple as that; I saw my own children in you and did not want to let you suffer like that. I am sorry that until now, you did not hear this from me. But this is the truth. I really wanted us to be a family, you are a son to me, A-Xian, although I would never ever try to take the place of your parents."

Before even consciously deciding to move, Wei Wuxian was already on his feet, staggering slightly. He made his way around the table on unsteady limbs and then fell to his knees right in front of Jiang Fengmian, the person he considered one of his closest relatives in this world. Not that he was being not filial, he loved and honoured his parents, but Uncle Jiang was as close to a father figure for him as it could get.

Jiang Fengmian seemed taken aback by his reaction and was starting to get up, probably to stop him from kneeling. But Wei Wuxian had something else in mind. Without giving any warning, he propelled himself forward and hugged Uncle Jiang by his waist, his head nested in the elder's lap. He did not feel childish at all, nor did he think about how others could see his behaviour as exaggerated or immature. He just wanted to show how deeply he cared for the only father figure he had ever known.

He let his tears run freely when he felt the formed Yunmeng Jiang sect leader patting his head soothingly. No matter what Jiang Fengmian had said, Wei Wuxian had always considered the Yunmeng Jiang clan his family. All of them with no exception. And although he had heard it many times that he had to protect them because of a life debt, he would have done so regardless of those words.

It took him a long time to calm down enough so he would be able to sit up straight and hug his siblings who had joined him on the ground in the meantime. He then stood up and smiled at everyone to let them know just how happy he was. They were smiling back at him with tears in their eyes, all of them.

Even Madame Yu whom he had feared until now had indeed changed it seemed. She was watching him with something resembling fondness in her eyes. There was also pain and hurt and what Wei Wuxian could clearly identify as regret. She did not look like her usual fierce and strong self at all. She was standing a little on the side, not joining the family hug. Wei Wuxian felt sorry for her.

Since it did not look like she was about to scold him, he decided to try his luck. He did not want to see such painful and apologetic expression on her face and so he slowly approached her. She seemed to have been taken aback but he did not pay it any mind. She was not shouting at him not telling him to stand down, she seemed even perhaps happy that he was coming up to her.

Without thinking too much about possible consequences, Wei Wuxian hugged her, a little awkwardly but who could blame him when he had never felt anything resembling love for his adoptive mother before, not like for the others. They were a family now so what use would there be for formalities?

He did not know if he ever truly would feel the same way about her as he did for the rest of his family, but he would try. They could put the past behind them and start anew. If Madame Yu was willing to finally tolerate him as a true family member, who was he to not meet her half way?