Sarcasm Is My Only Defence - Avengers (Drabble)

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Y/n uses sarcasm as a somewhat automatic reflex to answer her avengers, who believe it or not can be dumber than they look at times and it amuses her.

Quotes used from FRIENDS!

Y/N POV:

"I got her answering machine" I inform Steve with a groan. We've been unable to reach Sharon for hours.

"Her answering machine?" he questions, oh my god how can a handsome man like that be so stupid.

"No. Interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up" I sigh with a rub to my face. Steve's face deflates at my comment and I smirk to myself once he realises how dumb his question was. I pay his back on the way out.

"Lemme know when you hear from the blonde Rogers" I instruct and receive an 'ok'.

Tony POV:

I was looking forward to telling y/n and Pepper about my new changes in tech. I've been working on it for months and it's finally came along nicely.

"Guess what happened at work today!" I shout to gain their attention as I walk into the living room where they were both seated watching a film together.

"You sat on your ass and made a million bucks doing nothing?" Y/n asks with a hint of sarcasm in her response, I roll my eyes at the childish behaviour, however, she receives a giggle from Pepper.

They're really teaming up on me right now?

Natasha POV:

"Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian" I accidentally speak out loud and the whole meeting room turns to me. Fuck.

"Welcome to the club" Y/n smirks from across the table and leans back against her chair with a smile sprawled across her face. I'm gonna hit that look off of her face in a minute.

"Did I say that out loud?" I ask, although it wasn't really a question as I knew the answer and y/n continues to chuckle at my comment from across the room. I throw my empty coffee cup at her and she looks at me unimpressed.

"There's no need for violence Natasha. You're not straight. Just bE wHo YoU aRe" she screeches the final sentence and I leap across the table to attack, only to be pulled back by Steve.

I'd kill her later.

Bucky POV:

"Why don't you find a divorce lawyer" Sam suggests, to be fair that's a pretty good idea.

I sigh dramatically at the whole situation, my sigh however is cut short by y/n deciding to chirp in.

"Well I think...I think. Buck already has one" she giggles at her own joke and I roll my eyes at her antics.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. I told you it was a mistake in the 1900s. My lawyer from back then is no doubt dead" I deadpan and she continues to giggle.

Sam POV:

All of the avengers are currently sitting around the living room, discussing some rather serious topics to say the least. Ranging from family issues to fears. I look at y/n and she looks back at me in the exact same way. We have absolutely no idea what we're supposed to say to anyone's confessions.

"We're not great at the advice" I point between myself and y/n. Informing everyone that we are very uncomfortable in this situation.

"Can we interest you in a sarcastic comment?" she suggests and everyone chuckles at her.

Bruce POV:

I've been running around like a mad man all morning and the thought that I had a meeting today with Fury completely slipped my mind and so I forgot a hanger for my change of clothes for the back of my lab door.

I run into the lounge, praying to god that someone else had one so that my clothes didn't become wrinkled before the big meeting.

"Anybody got a coat hanger?" I ask quickly.

"Oh I do" y/n informs me and I sigh in relief. "Oh no, wait a minute. I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning" I groan and scurry away, not caring for anymore of her stupid comments at this present time.

Y/N POV:

Steve is currently contemplating which woman he wants to be with. There's Sharon and then there's another shield agent who he's become rather cosy with over the past few weeks. He won't stop dragging on and groaning about who he wants to be with.

If he doesn't make his mind up soon I'll make the decision for him.

"Oh no. Two women love me" I deadpan and Bucky snickers from across the room. "They're both gorgeous and sexy" I comment, agreeing with him that they'd both make good girlfriends. "My wallet is too small for my 50s and my diamond shoes are too tight" I add emphasis to the final sentence and he gets the hint that we don't want to listen to him rambling anymore and so he heads to the training room. No doubt to meet Sharon.

Pietro POV:

I love pranks. They're so fun. It's one thing that I still do from my childhood. And to be fair, they annoy absolutely everyone in the compound but they just need to lighten up a little bit in my opinion.

"I got you, ahhahaha" I jump out of the cupboard in the kitchen at y/n as she walks past to get to the fridge, the other avengers just stopped in their tracks and stared.

"Oh my god. You almost gave me a heart attack" she informs me and I giggle to myself before speeding away.

Wait. She was being sarcastic wasn't she?

Yelena POV:

I was trying to have a nice, normal day with one of my closest friends, y/n but things take a turn when she reveals to me how she really feels. I don't quite know what to do and so assume that it's best to remove myself from the situation so that things aren't weird. I feel the same way but I don't want our friendship to get jeopardised.

"No, don't go" she pleads. I stop in my tracks as my hand grips the doorknob.

"I've scared ya, I've said too much" she groans. "I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love" she accepts and I can't take it anymore and so I walk over and kiss her, taking her by surprise. She smiles into the kiss, as do I.

"You need to stop talking" I mumble against her lips and she sighs in acceptance before turning us over so that she's on top.

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