Freedom From Blood Longing and Lust

The Beginning

Chapter 1

The icy wind tangles my hair as I push Goddess faster, towards the line of junipers that serve as a boundary for Sutle. I enjoy every moment of envisioning bursting through the tree line and seeing what's beyond. Abruptly Goddess slows to a choppy trot, then a standstill prance only ten more strides to the border. I touch my calves to her sides.

She rears and snorts, 'no!'

I press my legs harder into her. "We're almost there!" I whine, fully aware that she won't go any farther. "Fine, I'll go by myself." I swing off her back dropping the reins.

She backs away from me but doesn't run off. The wind swirls my heavy dress, I push through it determined. Only a few more steps, I can smell the sweet juniper trees. I am so close to freedom.

"JADIS!"

I spin to the right with a yelp looking for the source of the sound. Farther down the line of trees, one of the Runners steps out, they are all tall, wear black trousers, and heavy black cloaks. There is however only one that is ashen haired. He seems to be struggling with his cape in this Lordish wind. I giggle.

"What do you think you're doing out here?" He yells over the wind.

I pull my own cloak closer around me. I knew someone would stop my poor attempt of escaping, someone always does. That doesn't mean that I'm not angry. I hold back the angry tears that threaten to fall. Instead I laugh, "You won't always be there to stop me."

"That's right." His blue eyes bore into mine. "Anyone else would report you to Lord Salvatore." He sighs, "You know what will happen next time."

"That will never happen. Especially with Jincannin working directly under Lord." I want to stick my tongue out, but that's far too childish.

"Lord Salvatore," he corrects me, "and no your brother has his limits. Didn't he get you pardoned a few days ago?"

I straighten despite the cold, "Yes he did."

"Uh huh, it won't keep working."

"I don't care, I'll be out of here before the next full moon. You mark my words Zavier I'll be so far gone that even you won't track me." I do my best to sneer at him through my now chattering teeth.

"Sure. Now let's get back to the herd, I feel snow coming." He whistles for his mare. The sweet sorrel mare comes out of the tree line, with her ears pinned in annoyance of the weather.

I turn around thankful to have the wind at my back. I cluck to Goddess. She backs up so her head stays out of the wind. I can't help but giggle at the sight of a huge animal ducking from the wind. Gripping the pommel of my saddle and ready to swing up, I shriek as I feel Zavier's hands lift me up. A small warmth of delight spreads where his hands touch me. I kick him away though, offended. Not long ago I would have welcomed his hands on me. Not now, I will never settle for anything less than love. After adjusting my cloak and skirts as best as I can in the wind, I spin Goddess and we start back towards the farm and grazing land. We ride in silence, it would have been too hard to hear anyways.

I look out towards the bordering grazing land, mostly grass with sage and other herbs scattered about. From there we pass the markers for the farmland, where they grow corn, rooty vegetables, greens, pine nut trees and berries. The ground is barren and dry at the moment on the south fields, the farmers are usually still hard at work preparing the ground for spring. To the left on the horizon the canyon looms in its impassable cliffs. Within minutes we make it to the cabin where the farmers are preparing to make their way back to Sutle. The heavy horses all have their leather halters and reins on ready to go. I stay on Goddess, leaving Zavier so I can round up the sheep, goats, and pigs. It isn't a job that Goddess or I like. In fact she often shies away several times making us have to start over and over again. For this job I usually use our family pony Starlight, but seeing as how he drove the herds here I figure he deserves a break, he is at least in his twenties. That pony is a sturdy little guy who taught myself and my three siblings how to ride...before we came to Sutle.

I start driving the herd to the canyon's edge and the faint trail that zigzags down the full river and back up the other side. The clouds now block out the sun plunging the desert into dark shadows. I need to beat the snow, the canyon will be impossible if there is a whiteout. Slowly the herds pick their way along the usually hard packed dirt and stones into the river. I look back up the north trail, the last men are coming down on horseback, they need to make haste. I lead Goddess into the foaming churning dark water. I offer to let her drink, she shakes her head no. With uncertain steps we push the herd onward. Going up the other side I drive them at a faster pace than usual causing everyone to complain a bit. They will thank me when they are safe in the barns.

Sure enough as I put Goddess into the horse barn the clouds turn the sky a heavy suffocating gray and it begins to snow. Not little pretty flakes but big heavy flakes that make it impossible to see your hand in front of your face. I run out of the stall to help the farmers bring the rest of the horses in. The beast master is nowhere to be found.

"It is his day to clean the barns, he should be here." I grumble to no one in particular. "That's the last of you." I say to the horse in the closest stall. "Now do I wait for him, or go get food while I can probably make it back with the rest of the farmers?" I pace the isle long enough that all of the people have left and I'm alone with the horses.

A clearing of a throat startles me."EEEEKK!" I poke my head out around a stall door, "Hello?" Oh it's just Zavier, He leans on his mare's stall stroking her neck. "That was so rude!"

"I have a question." He states, not looking at me or acknowledging that he scared me. I step out of the stall I am in and slide the wood lock into place. I take a step closer and lean against the opposite stall intrigued.

"What is it?"

"I've been thinking... Sky is due with our third child, and as you know is our last that we are required to have to appease the gods. "I was wondering if you'd consider...well." He's rambling, he groans, head hanging down, very unusual. He normally walks around head high like a proud dog. "Would you consider becoming partners with me? Um, don't answer now. Just think about it."

I catch his arm before he can leave, with a sigh he turns to face me. "Zavier, the answer is no. You know..." I sigh this time releasing his arm. "Someone is calling to me." I wave towards outside. "I've told you about the dreams."

He runs a hand through his snow damp hair, "Jadis, you've been having those dreams for at least a year. He isn't coming for you. He's probably not even real, we're real, right now here." He trails a finger down my arm lightly.

I step backwards away from Zavier, "He's real, that doesn't concern you. Like I said I'll be gone before the next full moon."

Zavier looks at me with pity, "I'll be waiting for you." He leaves without saying anything else.

Stunned, I freeze unable to move. "What part of no didn't he understand?" I say to his mare who nudges my arm. 'Every.' Goddess snorts. I frown at her across the aisle where she's nibbling happily at her hay, "I know my husband, mate, partner or whatever he will be called is out there waiting, perhaps even trying to find me." I shake myself out feeling confident in my choice. My stomach growls loudly. I groan.

Laughter startles me. What is wrong with me that three times today I've been startled. Voices accompany the laughter. I move quietly to the open barn doors, I'm not even sure why. It's probably just the farmers. Shapes emerge from the white, three men in burgundy cloaks pass by. I peek my head out of the door just for a glimpse more. I don't know them. More curious. Just before they disappear into the snow one turns his head acknowledging me with a wink. I let out a small shriek and duck back inside closing and barring the doors. It takes several minutes to catch my breath.

"Who are they?" I say to myself.