With or without you

Chapter 7

After Gray made me get up this morning we decided to get tacos for breakfast. I hadn't put any effort into my appearance this morning. I just didn't care. My hair was a mess, I had my glasses on and I was wearing my leggings with a t-shirt that I had stolen from Gray who knows how long ago. I sat through my first few classes somewhat seamlessly. I wasn't crying as much today, and I didn't feel like I would every five minutes, but I still felt sad. I don't know how else to explain it. I feel sad. I know they always say that time heals all wounds and all that mess, but I don't know if this will ever heal. Its more than a breakup. I feel like I'm grieving what could have been, and what I lost all at the same time. What made matters worse was that I knew that she loved me. I knew it. There was no doubt in my mind that she did, and I loved her. I am so in love with her that living without her seems pointless. I'm not suicidal or anything like that. But before I met her it was just me and Gray, just like it had always been, and I didn't mind it. After her though, I realized just how lonely it got just me and Gray. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but without her nothing felt like it was enough. It feels like there's a piece of me missing. Like I'd lost something I never knew I needed.

Throughout the morning there were a few moments where I was distracted by my work so I felt okay, but the second I'd realize I was somewhat okay, the walls would just collapse on me. I kept trying to distract myself but it wasn't working. Sitting through my fourth period I felt myself start to dissociate. I was really trying to pay attention but my eyes would start to blur and before I knew it I'd be remembering little moments with her. Little things that only I knew. I tried to bring myself out of it and make myself focus on what my teacher was teaching, but it was hard because of the fact that half of the lights were off because he was teaching from the projector. I looked at the power point slides on the screen but I couldn't really see them, my eyes would just keep blurring and for some reason I was starting to get sleepy. My body just started producing melatonin for no reason other than the fact that it could. Despite my best efforts I finally gave in and put my head down on the desk. When I closed my eyes my thoughts immediately drifted back to her.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" She questioned

"I just like looking at you." For the past couple of hours, we've been at her house. We got out of school early today because our football team was in the playoffs. Since their games are over three hours away, they need the busses, meaning we all get out early. So, we went back to her house. When we got there, I followed her up to her room, she closed the door behind us and then leaned back on it and looked at me. I walked up to her and placed my forehead on hers. She just looked at me, then placed her lips onto mine as I put my hands on her cheeks to pull her closer to me. Next thing I knew, we were in her bed and she was lying on top of me naked. This wasn't the first time we'd had sex. I wasn't so bold as to be completely naked in front of her the first time. We had already grown comfortable with each other at this point. It was only three in the afternoon, so we had the house to ourselves for a few more hours. After we had finished, she was laying on top of me with her hair down. The window behind her was open, so the light was shining in behind her and it made her look like she was glowing.

"I like when you look at me that way." She smiled and I swear my heart stopped. I reached up and kissed her again. I could kiss her all day.

"Ms. Campbell. There is no sleeping in my class." This was what I heard after the loud thud of a book being slammed on my desk.

"Sorry." I mumbled. He walked away from me and continued on with his power point. I felt everyone still looking at me. In my head they knew exactly what had happened. In my mind they all knew that I was heartbroken and felt like I was falling apart. I felt Gray looking at me. Like I said, he has most of his classes with me. In this one he sits behind me. Once everyone turned around I felt him lightly slap the back of my head. I turned around and gave him a look.

"Wake up." He mouthed to me. The smile on his face made me laugh. The jerk was making fun of me. When the bell rang Gray and I got up to go to lunch. During lunch we decided to go to the library to eat. We do this sometimes. In there they have a bunch of cool toys that Gray and I will play with. They have these remote-control spheres that you can drive around the library. Sometimes we'll make obstacle courses and see who can get through it faster. Today though, we just played with the kinetic sand that they have in here. Gray kept trying to make a little castle but every time he did, he'd use a plastic knife to start cutting it down. After lunch the rest of the day was sort of uneventful. I felt like I was just sleep walking through the day. I couldn't help it. The classes all seemed to blur together. When we finished our 7th period Gray and I started walking to the gym so he could get ready for practice. As we walked I was twisting my rings again, fiddling with them as I tried to keep my mind off of her.

"So, what're we eating for dinner tonight?" Gray asked

"I don't care. Whatever you want."

"I'm feeling Popeyes." He smiled. I just nodded and walked into the gym to go sit on the bleachers like I always do. As I sat I watched as one by one the boys came out to start warming up for practice. I pulled out my phone to play on it while I waited. Once Gray was out I put it away so I could watch him. For some reason I got a feeling like someone was watching me, so I looked down at the entrance doors. When I saw her my heart stopped for just a second before it started to beat uncontrollably. We stayed like that for just a few minutes just staring at each other. I saw her look down at her phone then few seconds later and I felt my own phone buzz.

Can we talk?