With or without you

Chapter 43

Walking inside my house I could feel tension in the air. Lauren was sitting on the couch watching TV. I don't know where my parents are. Ever since everything with Riley happened Lauren and I haven't talked, at all. I don't talk to my family much. Gray is the only one I talk to about how I feel, and all that. I'm not close with my family. Lauren has always been the favorite, I've tried competing, but I'm tired of fighting.

Lauren turned around when she heard me walk into the house. By the time I walked in I was tired already. Tired of pretending that I'm okay, that nothing's wrong, tired of trying to make myself feel more for Austin than I really do, tired of forcing myself not to think of her. So when Lauren said

"Hey Tess. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said while I started up the stairs. I expected her to stay on the couch but to my surprise she got up and started following me to my room. I stopped in front of my door and turned around to look at her.

"What do you want Lauren?" I snapped a bit more than I meant to.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay." At this I wanted to laugh.

"No Lauren. No. I'm not okay." With that I walked into my room and closed the door. I collapsed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. I'm not okay. Not at all. A few seconds later my door opened and Lauren walked in. I picked my head up from my bed and watched as she sat down on the floor in front of me.

"So, when did you start dating girls?"

"Really Lauren? Right now? You want to do this right now?" The question annoyed the hell out of me.

"It's just a question."

"I don't know okay. I don't remember a specific date."

"Are you gay?" I wanted to beat her with a pillow.

"No."

"Bi?"

"Does it matter what I am?"

"No. I guess not. Do you still like boys though?"

"Yes." Things got quiet for a while. I was hoping she would get up and get out of my room but that didn't happen.

"How did you pull Riley? She's like, the hottest girl in school." This made me laugh to myself. Because if Riley heard her she would start listing all the reasons she wasn't or start giving a list of names of girls who are prettier than her or nicer or kinder or whatever, but they never really topped her.

"We met at a party."

"And?"

"And we met at a party." It got quiet again.

"So, if you were dating her, why have you been hanging out with Austin so much? Do you actually like him?"

"I don't know. I don't have an answer for you Lauren." Quiet.

"Have you had sex?" At this I sat up on the bed and looked at her.

"Why are you being so nosy?"

"So that's a yes." I gritted my teeth and was about to yell at her to get out when her body language changed. I waited for her to say something.

"You know how I've been dating Darren?" I didn't know she was with anyone. I know of Darren because I've seen him around her little group of friends but I didn't know they were together.

"Yeah."

"He wants to have sex." I felt my heart beat pick up. She's only fourteen. She's too young, she's not ready for that. I took a breath.

"What do you want?"

"I don't know. I mean we've done stuff, but not all the way." Gross.

"You don't have to you know."

"I know." Silence again. I saw her body language change again.

"Have you only had sex with girls or have you tried boys too?" This time I threw the pillow at her and it hit her in the head.

"That's none of you business."

"Was Riley any good in bed? She's really hot." At this I got up and started pushing her out of my room.

"I didn't even know she was gay, she looks super straight. I bet she's good in bed..." I pushed her out the room and closed the door. I walked back to my bed and laid down. I still have to text Austin and ask him if he'll take me to Gray's game.