With or without you

Chapter 30

Amongst the chaos I felt Austin's hand still in mine. I let go and then looked back at the court and smiled. The whole team was surrounding Gray's teammate who had shot the last shot. I watched as Gray and another boy picked him up on their shoulders and paraded him around. It made me happy to see Gray this happy.

"Are you guys going to the afterparty?" Austin screamed so I could hear.

"Yeah we are." I shouted back. He just smiled.

"Let's go find Gray." He shouted again. I followed him down the bleachers step by step. As we walked down I felt something, so I looked to my left, to the student section. Despite all the moving people, all the screaming, all the chaos, I could see her eyes, staring right into me. We held eye contact for just a second before I turned my head forward and followed Austin. We snaked our way through the crowd and out into the hall outside the boy's locker room. We waited for about 15 minutes for Gray to get out. The coach always talks to them after the game and then he still had to change. I wasn't concerned with the time though. Austin and I were keeping conversation as we waited. When Gray finally came out and he saw me with Austin he gave me a stupid little grin.

"Congrats dude. That was a great game." Austin compliments

"Thanks man. Theo is the real hero though." As he said this Theo was walking out of the locker room so Gray grabbed him and pulled him into the conversation.

"If it weren't for this guy we wouldn't have won." Theo just smiled. He seemed the shy type.

"You're the one who rebounded your own shot." He said to Gray

"That's true. I guess I'm a hero too." After the allotted small talk Gray and I walked to the car so we could go home for him to change. As we were walking out I heard someone calling my name. I turned around to see Lauren chasing after us.

"What?" I already knew what she wanted but I asked anyways.

"Did you get it?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. We did."

"Okay great. I'll meet you at the house so we can get it."

"Yeah whatever."

"You're the best." She little grin on her face made me so angry. I watched as she went back to her little freshman friends and got in their car. I got into the car and let out a sigh.

"I hate her."

"Same."

Gray drove us home. I didn't feel like driving. As he drove us the short distance I couldn't help but feel a type of way. The look she gave me as I walked down the bleachers. The scene played in my mind on repeat. I wonder what she was thinking. If she was angry. She doesn't like Austin, and for obvious reasons. I hate that when I think of her, it's always just questions. I wonder the same things, does she miss me, is she okay. I miss when things were easy. When I wasn't constantly having to wonder if she was okay. I can read her body language better than anyone, I always knew what she was thinking, how she was feeling. I miss that. I miss her. I miss her hand in mine. Her lips on mine. The way she would tell me she loved me. The stupid little finger thing she liked to do. I missed the days that we would just lay in her room and watch movies all day.

"Do you like me?" The question had taken me completely by surprise.

Before we started dating I didn't know she liked girls. I thought she was completely straight. Of course, that didn't stop me from having a crush on her. I had heard about her relationships with guys. At a small school like ours everyone knows everyone's business. She had dated maybe a few guys here and there, but even when they would breakup they would still be friends. I would see them walking in the hallway together even after the breakup. She had the reputation of being someone everyone liked.

We had started hanging out a lot more after that night of the party when we both decided to leave. It started with texting. We had gotten each other's numbers and had been texting nonstop. We were just talking. About any and everything. The thing was though, she and I were having real conversations. The things I would tell her were things I'd only ever told Gray. The things she would tell me were things I could tell she had never told them to anyone. She talked about her parents. That's its own can of worms though. When we would hangout she would make little comments that sort of hinted to her not being completely straight. She would find small ways to touch me. Every small touch would send a fire through my body. An electric vibration that made me feel like I could run a marathon. As things started to progress I kept telling myself that she was straight. That she didn't like me. I had already told her about my interest in girls, but I had made sure to tell her that I liked boys too. At the time I didn't want her getting the wrong idea of me.

One day after I had gotten out of work, I went to her house and we were in her room watching movies. This was after we had kissed that one time in the car. Every once in a while, her hand would brush by mine and I would get that feeling again. We weren't talking. We were just watching the movie. To my surprise she jumped up to her elbow and was laying over me.

"Tess."

"Yeah?" I could feel her staring through me.

"I like you." I hesitated. I didn't know what she meant, or how she meant it.

"I like you too." It came out as more of a question than a statement.

"Do you actually?"

"What do you mean?" I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

"Do you like me?" I could see her ears turning red. She was nervous, but her voice came out even and unwavering. I couldn't answer. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if she meant it in the way I wanted her to. Of course, I liked her. She was still on top of me. I couldn't speak. I only nodded my head. She was inching closer to me.

"I'm going to kiss you now." She whispered. I could feel my heart beat throughout my entire body. As she slowly placed her lips on mine I felt myself melt into her kiss. I had kissed other girls before, not many but a few, but they never felt like this. I felt her hand slowly come up to my cheek as her tongue licked my bottom lip.

"You like me?" I breathed out. She just bit her bottom lip and shook her head yes.

"That's good. I like you too." I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, then pulled her into me. When I pulled back again I she then laid down on the bed next to me. I couldn't help myself, I was smiling at the ceiling. I felt her finger touch my hand and then her fingers intertwined with mine.

"I thought you were straight?" I couldn't help it. I had to ask.

"I don't think I've ever been straight." After that response, of course I had to ask more questions. She went on to tell me about her past relationships and boyfriends. After we talked about all of that she went on to explain that she dated guys before of course but that they never felt right. It never felt right with them. It never felt the way it was supposed to. I understood it but only to an extent. I still like boys.

"Okay let's go." Gray said when he walked into the living room. We had come to his house so he could shower and change. I guess we have to go to a party now.