With or without you

Chapter 58

"So, you do know Riley." Austin said. I didn't know what to say. I know what people must be saying. I can't even imagine what he's thinking.

"Yeah. I do." I took a step closer to him.

"So, you lied to me and you used me to get over her? Then as soon as we break up you're back with her? It's been like five minutes Tess." The hurt in his eyes was evident, but there was more than hurt, there was anger and frustration. All the feelings that come with not understanding how something could be happening.

"I didn't use you Austin, and if I did I didn't mean to. I wasn't trying to use you as a rebound."

"Really? Because it sure as hell looks like you did."

"I'm sorry Austin." My voice barely came out as a whisper but that didn't keep his from rising with irritation. I could feel the small crowd of people drawing in closer to us to hear what was going on.

"No, I don't think you are Tess. I saw you with her. You never looked at me that way." I stayed quiet, what more could I say? Nothing was going to make this situation better.

"God Tess, fuck you, because now I look like the jackass who didn't know he was just a cover for your fucking girlfriend." I turned my back to him and started back into the school, mostly so he wouldn't see the tears that were starting to form behind my eyes.

"Whatever Tess." I heard him say behind me. With my heart racing and the tears now falling freely I made my way to the gym, I didn't know what else to do. The panic in my body was overwhelming. The boys were already practicing on the court when I walked in, but I couldn't stay. I couldn't sit there in the bleachers after a spectacle like that, so I put my bag down on the bleachers and walked out doing my best to hide my tears. I was almost to the auditorium when I heard squeaky shoes running after me.

"Tess what happened? Why are you crying?" Gray asked when he'd caught up to me. I couldn't speak yet, so I walked into the auditorium and sat down in one of the seats then wiped my eyes.

"Tess what the hell happened?" I took a few breathes to calm myself.

"Austin caught me outside the school."

"What did he tell you?" Grays eyes turned a darker shade.

"He's mad that I'm back with her even though we just broke up." Before I could say anything else, Gray got up and started for the door. I ran after him and pulled him by the arm.

"No Gray. I don't need you running in like some knight in shining armor to save me."

"I told him if he hurt you I'd kick his ass, so that's what I'm going to do."

"Please don't." I whispered. Gray surrendered and then pulled me in for a hug.

"Okay." I let go and looked up at him in the eyes.

"Don't tell Riley."

                                                                ----------------------------------------

After I'd composed myself and we went back to the gym for Grays practice, I sat in the bleachers and started reading the book I had with me. Coach made Gray run suicides for running out on practice to chase after me, I felt bad but I kept my eyes on my book. I needed to get out of my head so I let my brain take me to the place in my book and focus on the things the characters were feeling rather than what I was feeling.

When the whistle blew signaling that practice was over I put my book away and waited for Gray. I don't want Riley to know about what happened with Austin. I know what she'll do. She'll do the same thing Gray wanted to do, she'll find him and tell him off and then what? That won't solve anything and he'll only hate us more. I have a feeling though that there's not much I can do to keep this from her. There were people around us, and the way news travels here I'm sure she'll find out before the end of the day. Riley has a superpower when it comes to me, she always knows when I'm sad or if my brain is not working. Plus, she's so connected with everyone that she always knows the drama, even though she couldn't care less about it.

"Are you coming home with me or waiting for Riley?" I heard Gray say. I hadn't even noticed him come up behind me.

"I told Riley I'd wait for her."

"Well then let's wait in the car for her." I grabbed my stuff and followed him out to his car. He drove the short distance to the dome and parked next to her car.

I felt myself starting to shut down. Now that I wasn't distracted by my book the thoughts were starting to creep their way into my mind. Stop thinking, stop fixating, stop obsessing. I couldn't help it though. The conversation was replaying in my mind over and over again. "fuck you". I'd never heard him speak like that, but he did to me, because I am a horrible person who used him and played with his feelings to make myself feel better, but that's not what happened. Yes, it is. I didn't do it on purpose. Maybe I did use him on purpose. I never meant to hurt him, but I was never going to fall for him.

"Tess stop it." Gray said.

"What?"

"Get out of your head."

"Okay." He rolled his eyes and put on a song he knows I like. We waited a few more minutes before I saw her start walking out of the dome, she was some of the other soccer girls. Before my brain could catch up to my body I was already out of the car running towards her. When she saw me, she smiled for a second before I saw it drop. I wrapped my arms around her, she held onto me tight.

"I'll catch up with you guys later." She said to the other soccer girls, I didn't care though I held onto her and didn't let go.

"Baby are you okay?" I didn't say anything, only shook my head no. She then picked me up, my feet barely off the ground and started walking forward before she put me back down. I finally let go and when I did she put both her hands on my cheeks and made me look at her.

"What happened?" Her voice was more serious now, mostly because she was worried.

"I don't wanna talk about it." The look in her eyes told me she wanted to press me more, but instead she said

"Okay." And kissed my forehead.

"Can we go home?" I asked.

"Of course."