With or without you

Chapter 44

"Yes. I can do that, we can do that." Austin looked as giddy as a kid. I almost wanted to cancel right then and there. After my conversation with Lauren last night I couldn't get her out of my head. I kept thinking about her, but this time, not in a depressing way. I kept imagining her body against mine.

"Okay yeah, cool, thank you." We were standing in the middle of the hall way and there were people swarming around us. It was already the end of the day and people were trying to get out of the school already.

"We should leave early that way we can get something to eat before the game."

"Yeah. That would be good."

"Awesome." Gray's game it tomorrow night, Friday. I had put off asking Austin until today because I still wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I couldn't stop thinking about her last night, or this morning, or at all really, but what's new. She's been radio silent since that night, and she's somehow managed to avoid me during school, not to say that I've been looking for her. We used to have a class together, but that was last semester, we don't have a class together now.

"Did you still want to go bowling or to a movie on Saturday still?" I knew this question was inevitable but I still wanted to put it off as long as possible.

"Yeah. That would be fun."

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When the final school bell rang I felt my heart start to flutter. Austin and I are supposed to leave right away. Gray and the team have already left for the school they're playing at. I slowly gathered my things and waited for Austin to pop his head in the door way of my class. He's been walking me to all my classes for a while now. I don't know how I feel about it, I don't really mind it, but I don't know if I like everyone seeing him always with me. I put the thoughts out of my head and picked up my things.

"You ready?" he smiled.

"I am." I copied his smile the best I could but I could feel how fake it was. The plan was that he and I would leave right after school. Gray had driven us this morning so that he could leave his car at the school so he could go home after and not have to wait for me to get back or for his parents to pick him up.

"So, what would you like to eat?" Austin asked as we started down the hall. Before I could answer I felt his hand take mine and interlace our fingers. It took everything I had to not pull my hand back.

"Uhh, umm I don't, I don't care. We can get whatever you want." I think Austin could hear the hesitation in my voice because he looked down at me and asked

"Is this okay?" I looked down at our hands again. His hand is so much bigger than mine, bigger than hers. It almost feels awkward because of the size difference, and too his hands were course, and sort of rough. Hers were always so soft, albeit always cold, but they were always soft and smooth.

"Yeah, no, it's okay." Austin smiled that genuine smile at me again, and I tried to copy it. The only thing I could think of as we walked down the hall was 'What if she walks by? What if she sees us? What would she think? Would she say something? How would she feel?'.

Once we were finally outside of the school I could see her car still parked in the driveway. She must still be in the school, she always drives her car over to the field for practice so she doesn't have to walk back. Austin opened the door for me when we got to his car, and then ran around to his side to get into the driver's seat. Once he as in and we were all settled, he pulled out of the parking lot and then got on the freeway.

The drive started off with us just listening to music. He let me take over the music so I was playing things that I thought we both might enjoy. I looked out the window and watched as we passed the middle school.

Last summer Riley and I went to the middle school after we had left a party early. We were still in the beginning stages of our relationship. We were still learning each other and trying to see if we even matched. We drove into the parking lot and I remember asking her

"You're not going to kill me, are you?" Without missing a beat, she said

"I don't know yet. I haven't decided." Then she turned to me and gave me an evil little smile, that turned into a smirk, and then a full-on laugh.

"What're we doing here?"

"I don't know. I just didn't want to take you home yet."

"I'm okay with that."

"Wanna play a game?" I thought about it for a second.

"I don't know if I like where this is going."

"Come on, its easy. I'll tell you a secret, then you tell me a secret." I bit my lip a bit trying to decide whether or not I wanted to play.

"Okay, I'll start." She smiled.

"My secret is, I've never been with a girl before." I looked at her and smirked.

"Riley, I already knew that."

"So? It's still a secret." She smiled. This went on for a few hours. We sat there and talked and told each other all our secrets. By the end of it we weren't even telling secrets. We were just talking, venting, listening, understanding each other's problems in ways no one else could. I remember complaining about Lauren, and how I hate that my parents' baby her so much and give her everything she wants. Once I'd finished venting she smiled and said,

"I only have an older brother. I don't have to deal with that, but I'm sure I'd hate having a little sister. I don't get along with other girls." I looked at her and laughed.

"Really? You don't get along with your little squad that you're always around." I joked.

"Ha, as if. You're the first real friend that I've ever really had." At this she looked down at her hands.

"You're the first person who's ever really listened to me." I felt my heart grow heavy.

"What do you mean?"

"I just, I've never really had anyone to talk to. I don't talk to my parents much. I've tried but every time I start to say something they cut me off and then joke that I need to learn to just keep talking. Or if I get upset because they're cutting me off they get frustrated and ask why I'm getting so upset." She took in a breath.

"And well, you've met my so-called friends. I couldn't talk to them even if I wanted to. I feel like if Charlette ever found out that I'm actually human she'd use it against me in some way or another." She wouldn't look up. I remember that hurting me; it hurt me to think that she had been going for years, keeping in every emotion that she had. The look in her eyes when she said it too made me painfully aware of just how true everything she was saying was, she wasn't bullshitting me, or making things up.

"Tess, hey Tess. You okay?" I looked back at Austin and smiled.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just daydreaming." I felt my cheeks burn a bit. Riley used to always make fun of me for day dreaming. She would say that I had too many thoughts in my had that it would just take my whole attention. I would always laugh at how well she knew me.

"That's okay. Keep daydreaming. I'll keep driving." Austin smiled. I don't think he would appreciate the daydreams I'd been having. I felt him grab my hand again. I was right. This was a bad idea. I'm in love with her. That's not fair to him.