With or without you

Chapter 59

Riley's POV

I don't know how this is going to go, and if I'm being honest, I'm just as scared as Tess is, but I don't let her see that. I don't let her know the things that are on my mind all the time, because even if I did there's no point, she can't fix my head, and she shouldn't have too. I know I need to fix that thinking though. That's why we broke up in the first place, I couldn't handle everything on my own, and it broke me, so I broke us.

After I dropped her off at her first period class this morning I started to feel it again. That feeling that makes me feel like I'm drowning. The one that pushes me out of my own head and takes over trapping me in this place of loneliness. I took my steps to class slow and calculated, counting how many paces it took for me to get there, because that was easier than thinking about the things I can't control. I don't like when I don't have control over things, maybe because I feel so out of control all the time in my own life and head.

I slowly opened the door to the classroom and with it I saw Charlottes seat empty. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. I looked around the class and made eye contact with my teacher.

"Why are you late Riley?"

"I'm sorry. I was having car trouble this morning." I don't know why I lied, but it felt easier than explaining that I needed to walk my girlfriend to class because I didn't want her to freak out any more than she already was. Mr. Stinger smiled then said,

"Well I hope everything gets fixed, have a seat." I flashed a small thank you of a smile and took my seat. With Charlotte not here I felt like maybe I would make it through the day. The feeling didn't last though, a minute or two later Charlotte torpedoed her way into the classroom with her Starbucks in her hand. By now Mr. Stinger was annoyed at having two students be late.

"Why are you late Charlotte?" His voice was already agitated, more so because he doesn't care for Charlotte, none of our teachers really do, not that I have all that many classes with her.

"I had plenty of time this morning but Starbucks took forever and I was trapped in the line, I am so sorry Mr. Stinger." Her voice was performative at best, sarcastic at worst.

"Have a seat Charlotte." He groaned. She took her seat in front of me and immediately turned around handing me a bag from Starbuck.

"I brought this for you babe, thought you could use it today." She winked then turned back around. I opened the bag and found the one item from Starbucks that I don't like. I whispered a thank you to her despite the fact that she knew I didn't like what she brought me.

When Mr. Stinger was done teaching he handed us our assignment for the day and let us be. From her comment earlier, I knew that she had already heard. From who or how I don't know, but she has a way of finding things out. I had about three minutes to look over my paper and start working on it before she turned around.

"So how's little Tessie?" Her voice was poisonous.

"She's good." I smiled. Charlotte knows how to push my buttons, but if I let her, it'll only give her what she wants.

"You know, I got the strangest text this morning while I was in line."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I didn't say any more, I don't want to play her game.

"It was from Austin." At this she had my attention.

"He got to school late, you know, things happen..." I still didn't speak.

"And he saw you and Tess this morning in the parking lot." I felt something buzzing in my chest, and not in a good way. I looked up at Charlotte and she had this smile on her face that made me nervous.

"Did you not learn your lesson last time?" I looked down at my paper.

"I'm only trying to help you Riley. What happens when your parents find out... again." I stayed quiet.

"And what happens when the girls hear about this. You know how relentless they can be, they're like little chihuahuas, nipping at your feet." I took a breath. She put her hand on mine and gave me a sad sideways smile.

"You know I want what's best for you Riley." Before either of us could say anything, the bell rang, I quickly gathered my things and headed for the door. Breathe. I threw away her gift as I left. I walked the twenty-four paces back to Tess's class and put on my best I'm okay face.

"You ready?" I heard myself ask. While we walked I felt myself looking all around the halls. There are too many people looking at us, I don't want them to get close to Tess, I don't want anyone to hurt her, especially Charlotte.

I was pulled out of my own head when Tess's little sister pulled us into the bathroom. At first, I was confused as to why Lauren was trying to dismantle me with her eyes until I remembered the last time I'd seen her. I excused myself from the bathroom, there was no need for me to stay for that conversation. I wasn't ready to go to class though, I found myself making my way towards Tessa's next class. I waited outside the door for her, focusing on anything other than the conversation with Charlotte this morning. I told her it was to check on her after her conversation with Lauren, which was true, but it was more for me, I needed more time.

The rest of the day I was answering questions from people who were part of my friend groups. Some of them I could answer, most of them I couldn't. I don't know where people get the nerve to ask such intense questions, but they did, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. By the time soccer practice came around I was over today. I told Tess exactly how I felt in the car, leaving out a few details. Running around the field for a good two hours was therapeutic. People can't ask me questions while I'm running, they can't make me feel like I'm a sideshow.

I was walking out of the dome with Natalie and Cara when I saw Tess running up to me, I wrapped my arms around her and told the girls I'd see them later. As I was holding Tess up I looked over her shoulder and saw Gray sitting in his car looking at us. I gave him a questioning look but he only shrugged his shoulders. I don't know what's going on but I didn't push Tess when she said didn't want to talk about it.

Tess and I got in my car and I knew immediately something was very wrong. Tess had shut down, she wasn't speaking, she didn't want to eat. I grabbed us something to eat despite her reservations, she needs to eat, and because I'm hungry. We got to her house and ate in silence. I didn't necessarily mind, because despite my worry about her, the events of today were still weighting on my mind. I had turned my phone on DND because the girls were blowing up my phone, the side characters had heard about Tess and I. My attention shifted back to Tess; she was picking at her food, not really eating it.

"Tess are you going to tell me what happened?"

"It's not important. I need to get over it."

"Did someone say something to you?" She shook her head. Before I could question her more my phone started ringing. Charlottes name was on the phone. I ignored the call, but when I looked at my phone I saw Austin's name in the most recent text from the group chat. I opened the messages and looked back at what they were saying. The messages were from all of them in different orders. Tess wasn't paying attention to me anymore. She was too lost in her own head.

Yeah he totes went off on her

Well she did break his heart and then start dating Riley

Someone said he was just a cover

I mean it's probably true

Is it true riley?

My mind was focused on the first text. I looked up at Tess and I knew I wasn't going to get anything out of her, but I need to know what's going on, so I texted them back.

What do you mean he went off on her?

So you are alive

I heard from Kaylie Sumner that Austin ran into Tess outside after school and was screaming at her because he was pissed that she's dating you now

I put my phone down and looked up at Tess. By now my heart was racing and I was so angry that I couldn't breathe right, but I couldn't let her see that. I took a breath.

"What happened with Austin Tess?"