Baby Barton

Chapter 21 Chloe

The world has been pretty quiet since the Chituari disaster, the country has been divided in opinions about The Avengers role in the destruction of the city. 
Fury thought it wise for you to stay out of the public eye for a while, so you have all been hiding out at the tower. Except Tony, he has been using as much of his resources as he can to help rebuild the city.
You've been healing nicely, its been 2 weeks since your accident, you are due in to get your stitches out in a few days.
There hasn't been a lot to do around the tower, last night you, Bruce and Thor watched The Breakfast Club, while Natasha and Steve trained in the gym.
Steve has been teaching you how to cook, he taught you how to make a pot roast, and you taught him how to make an Irish coffee, which he did not appreciate. Its nice to feel like part of a family again, although you miss your brother. You've wanted to call him so many times, but you are too afraid just in case Laura picks up.
Thor has been explaining about what it is like on Asgard, and you can quite wrap your head around it all, it's fascinating. He tells you about his childhood, about his life with Loki and his loving mother, but how they both fought for their fathers attention, and it sounds like Thor won. Which makes you think more about Loki, how always being an after thought must have destroyed his self esteem, which obviously pushed him to put up a scheming and conniving front, and when he lifted you up by the throat in this very tower, you looked into his green eyes and they told a different story, to the one he was portraying.

***
No one has been around today, so you've spent a lot of time listening to angsty rock music in your room, reminding you of when you were an ignored teenager at home. You've been opting for comfy clothes so not to pull on your stitches, today you're hair is scraped up into a messy bun, with some blonde wispy bits of hair framing your face, no make up which is normal for you, and a beige co ord set which consists of baggy sweat pants, and the matching tank top which hugs your bust nicely.
Stomach growling you head towards the kitchen to grab a bag of chips and a can of soda, you make yourself comfy on the sofa and just as your are about to put a unattractively large handful of chips into your mouth, Steve walks towards you, his blonde hair swept back, track pants and an under armour t-shirt that shows off his muscular body perfectly.
Why do you have to take unusually large bites of food? Why couldn't you have take one chip and bitten the corner off it.
Now you're going to have fucking chips stuck in your teeth.

You and Steve have been doing a lot of flirting, as well as cooking you've been adding things to his book of 'things to catch up on' and he's been keeping you company. You like him, but your brothers words resonate in your head, and you know he is right, you've got to live your life and you deserve to have some fun. If you're completely honest with yourself, thats what you want right now, fun.
"Hey Chlo, you been alone all day?" Steve planks himself down next to you and reaches in for one of your chips.
Trying your best to chew the mountain you have in your mouth as fast as you can, nodding at him, you take a gulp of soda to help wash them down, swirling the soda round your mouth to get rid of any stuck bits.
Your cheeks warm as he goes in for another chip, you heart beating faster and faster as he sends a warming smile your way, you don't want this crush, or do you? You are so confused right now.
Knowing full well you need to find out who you are before you can let anyone else see you. You need to know first. Trying your best to suppress your feelings towards Steve, you make an excuse and leave heading back to your bedroom.
You pace back and forward, telling yourself that you cannot crush on Steve Rogers, Captain America. What would he want with a junkie? The girl who puts out on the first date.  Talking yourself down, feeling utterly worthless, bringing yourself back to the level you should be on, the gutter.
Steve stands at the door watching you for a moment, startling you as he sits on the end of the bed.
He sends you a concerned smile, his blue eyes gaze at you, your throat tightens just being in his presence.
"What are we Chloe?"
This is every girls dream, their crush sitting before them pleading to be with them, but when you are as fucked up in the head as you, its messy, and unknowingly unkind.
He stares at you longing for an answer, his eyes wide and full of hope, you shuffle on the bed uncomfortably, trying to find the right words ones that wont hurt him, but either way you are both coming out of this conversation bruised.
"I thought we were just having fun," you knew that wasn't the answer he was looking for, but its all you have for him right now. Steve places his hand on top of yours, you hearting jumping at his soft touch, turning to face you properly he raises his eyebrows and sighs "I want more," he squeezes your hand ever so gently, you pull yours away. 
"I don't, Steve. I'm sorry." You are being honest, at this moment in time you don't want more, what you do want is to be stable in your own mind, you want to be able to be comfortable in your own skin, before you can let anyone else in.
He looks devastated, his face crumbling into a disappointed wreck, " I can be a good man to you," this breaks you, your stomach turns to acid, you can feel rivers of tears forming in your eyes, you look to the ceiling willing them to fall back in, not wanting them to flow down, if they do then you fear that you'll never be able to stop.
Of course he would be a good man, he is the most wholesome person you have ever met, truly selfless, and here you are the biggest bitch int he world turning him down, breaking his heart. "I know, but I don't want it Steve.  I'm sorry." And you are, whole heartedly sorry.   Refusing to let the tears fall down your cheeks you allow your eyes to drown, blurring the vision of Steve who looks cut to the bone.

A tall figure is standing at the door.  You clear your throat and turn your head away from Steve to wipe the tears that have started to cascade down your face, trying to mask how completely distraught you actually are. Steve is what you want, but it is not what you need. For the first time you are thinking clearly about whats best for you, and not listening to your impulses, it doesn't make it hurt any less, it actually stings uncontrollably. 
Looking up at the door Thor smiles awkwardly, aware that he has interrupted a deep conversation between you and Steve.
"I.. uhh..." his train of thought throw by the dense atmosphere, "are you ready to go Miss Barton?"
Steves head snaps up and he barks "ready for what?" Already a hint of jealousy in his trembling voice.
Thor tries to keep the mood light by smiling at you both as he leans nonchalantly on the door frame swinging his hammer, "I am accompanying Chloe, to visit Loki," he replies politely.
You wince as the words are coming out of his mouth, preempting Steves reaction, he takes an abrupt stance in the middle of your bedroom, looks at you and laughs harshly whilst shaking his head "Oh, I see." Fuck. This isn't going to be pleasant, "moving onto the brothers now is it?" He storms out of your room nudging past Thor before you even have a chance to reply. 
Stomach sick with guilt you excuse yourself and go into the bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror, hating yourself for hurting him, and hating him for hurting you. His words cut through you like a hot knife in butter. You know deep down that everyone will always have judgement towards you, and that is why you cant let anyone in to love you. What would be the point. You aren't worth anything other than poor judgement.