Baby Barton

Chapter 29 Chloe

Making your way down to see Loki, feeling like a balloon is slowly trying to inflate inside your cranium, you try to piece together the parts of last night. Of course you can remember the majority of it, and the come down from the alcohol is filling you with regret. You should have stayed in bed, but you can't let Loki down, you use that as an excuse, you want to be there, drawn to him like moth to a flame.
Disoriented, you bounce off every wall, startling Loki as you stumble through the cell door.
Loki has conjured his cell into a medieval bar, everything is wooden and smells like stale ale, he is sitting in a booth you slide in across from him. The smell of the alcohol was appealing the night before, but now it adds to the nausea you are trying to suppress.
You look at him, passing off a half smile, feeling sorry for yourself, but trying to appreciate the illusion, you would have been happy to read Shakespeare on his bed, maybe nap in between.
"Afternoon," you rub the side of your head taking a sip of the water that magically appears in front of you,
"I thought I would try an illusion for our next meeting," Loki waves his hands about changing the lighting, making it a little duller sensing your headache and sensitivity to the light.
"I believe you Midguardians call it a bar?" You smile and nod at him, trying to block out the smell. Loki is so pleased with himself that you don't want to ask him to change it back to his boring old cell. Its the first spell he has done since you started meeting, you couldn't take that away from him.
His shoulder length black hair sits tousled, swept behind his ears, his green eyes glistening under the hue of the purple and green tones of the bar lighting, he smiles at you as you lie your head on the table, enjoying the comfortable silence, enjoying his presence.
"This is great Loki, I need a bloody Mary," you rub your head "I'm so fucking hungover." Letting out a dramatic fake cry, feeling sorry for yourself.
Loki flashes you a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the side.
You run your fingers through your hair which you left down, you didn't need any more tension on your head, it already feels like the size of the moon.
Loki sits back arms folded "Aaah yes! Your date with Captain America, how did it go?" You quickly hold up your finger, trying to push down vomit as you recall shooting whiskey "Not a date." You correct him.
Before you are able to stop word vomit takes over and you spill your guts "It was more of a truce, a 'forget we had meaningless sex' drink." Looking at him sheepishly, thankful that it was word vomit, and not actual vomit.
'Meaningless sex', you know fine well that it was more than that, but you'd rather have Loki think you are a whore than let him know that you have actual human feelings that you are unable to decipher and don't know what to do with.
Obviously Loki sees right through you, he puts up the same facade you do, he smiles at you kindly, it sends a pain through your heart, that smile could make you forgive the worst of crimes, "why not 'date' him?" He uses air quotes around the word, and you let out a small hearty laugh, he could literally stab you in the back and you'd thank him after, how can he be so charming?
"He is a good man is he not?" You nod acknowledging his question "I mean he is Captain America, Mr 'Apple Pie and Ice Cream'," Loki continues mockingly, doing a bad American accent it sends you into a fit of laughter. After wiping away tears, you catch him staring at you seriously, studying you, as though he is trying to read your mind, and analyse your soul.
Feeling seen by him, you try to change the subject "man, this is too deep a conversation.  I feel like a fucking monkey slept in my mouth." You feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, a feeling you aren't used to.
Breaking his gaze you look around the bar, studying the details, doing anything not to make eye contact with him. Suddenly it begins, the familiar itch crawling up your arms, making your mouth dry, and you hands shake, you begin to pick the skin around your nails, trying to think about anything but drugs.
Loki clasps his hands over yours tightly, a wave of calm washes over you, "why do you avoid questions about relationships?" He looks down onto your face. Getting right to the deep stuff  "do you not think yourself worthy of love?" He questions, it was like a dagger in the heart.
Feeling a lump growing in your throat and tears forming in the back of your eyes, you reply quietly, softly trying not to let your voice quiver "Do you?"
Unsure of what you mean, Do you think I'm worthy of love? do you think you are worthy of love? Do you love me?
Loki snaps back at you "answer me honestly, just once Chloe." The way he says your name assertively, and intimidatingly makes your heart race, "answer me honestly and I will get you a 'bleeding Margaret'," and then he goes and says something like that and you lose all control, you send him an agreeing smile, he wants to listen to you, so why not open up? Just give him a little something to keep him quiet, doesn't even need to be the truth.
"Bloody Mary," you correct him, trying to buy yourself time to fabricate something, make something up Chloe, don't let him see you. Unable to come up with a lie, you look at him, peering into his emerald eyes, his mouth set in a firm line waiting on your answer,
"No, no I do not think I am worthy of love." A single tear falls from your eye, as the illusion falls away and you lay your head on Lokis shoulder.