The Assassins Weakness

The Dissapointment

After falling asleep at four in the morning and having my alarm go off at five thirty, I felt like crying. Of course I've been trained to stay up for seventy two hours at a time, but that doesn't mean I fucking like it. I dragged myself up and got ready for training.

Today we focused more on learning as opposed to testing. It was a long boring morning of relearning everything I learned when I was thirteen. I did manage to get closer with Ant by helping him with some skills. He seems like he'll be easy to convince to spill if he ever gets taken into the Italians confidence.

After we were joking and laughing together Enzo had come over and snapped at us before making us separate. That made it a little harder, but I had given my number to Ant earlier so I could invite him out or something. That is, once I'm allowed out without a chaperone.

After training wrapped up I approached Mateo and said, "Hey man, you up for a run again?"

He looked at me like I had two heads.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You almost killed me last time! No way, get Lorenzo to go with you." He exclaimed.

"Who?" I asked

"Lorenzo," he said motioning to scrawny.

"Ummm, I don't think he likes me" I said hesitantly.

Mateo just shrugged and gave me a sympathetic smile before walking away. I let out a huff as I walked towards scrawny, or should I say Lorenzo.

"Excuse me sir, would you like to go for a run with me?" I asked much more firmly than I felt.

He stared at me a second before turning around and walking off. I huffed out a breath. Looks like I'm going to have to do crunches, push-ups, and stationary running in my room today.

Just as I was turning to head back to my room someone grabbed ahold of my arm. My fight or flight instincts kicked in and I instantly had the person pinned down with my whole body shaking. I looked down to see who I had pinned. Fuck fuck fuck, of course it was god damn Enzo. I quickly jumped off him before getting in my submissive pose.

"I'm very sorry, sir. My instincts kicked in and I didn't realize it was you. Not that that's an excuse," I said quickly.

"Why are you shaking?" He asked.

I felt my whole body tense. Shit, now is not the time for all the flashbacks of the guards pulling on my arms while they...... I shook my head trying to literally shake the memories out.

"I'm sorry sir, I must just be tired from training today." I answered.

He scoffed before saying, "That's absolute bullshit."

I didn't answer him because I wasn't sure what else to say. After a minute or two of silence I asked,

"May I be dismissed to return to my room?"

"If you want, or you can come on a run with me."

I felt my body lose some tension. Running and exercise always made the flashbacks and unpleasant feelings ease up a little. That and pain, but it's been four years since John found out about me cutting my hips.

He took every sharp object from me and demanded that I pinky promise never to do it again. I've had a few relapses since, and the urge has never gone away unfortunately.

"Yes please, sir"

He walked off and I followed him out the door.

"You set the pace and distance," he said simply.

I nodded before I took off. Right now I wanted to sprint until my lungs burned. I sprinted as fast as I possibly could. I heard Enzo's footsteps behind me but I ignored them as I pushed my body to its breaking point. One mile, two miles, three miles. Everything went by in a blur as I focused on nothing and everything.

I ran from every emotion I've ever felt. I ran from every emotion I didn't let myself feel. I ran for the pain I inflicted on so many people. I ran to escape the monsters that haunt my nightmares, the monsters that are shaped like humans.

By the time I saw the mansion in my field of view for the fourth time I stopped. My legs gave out on me and I crumbled to the ground before puking everything out of my stomach. It was about ten minutes before Enzo appeared. I was still bent over puking out bile since everything else already came out.

"What the fuck!" He yelled as he ran over to me.

I instantly jumped up, but quickly regretted it as I felt lightheaded. I took in long deep breaths on shaky legs as I walked forward to the mansion. I probably looked like a fawn walking for the first time. About halfway to it, I bent over and puked again.

"Jesus, May. What the fuck were you thinking pushing yourself that hard," Enzo said from behind me.

"I'm fine," I said in my monotone voice. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and continued walking. When we got inside I walked over to the stairs readying myself for more of the burn.

"Fuck no, you can barely walk. Get over here," Enzo demanded while motioning to the elevator.

I let out a yes sir before doing what he asked. I could feel his eyes on me, but I ignored them and stood with my feet shoulder length apart, arms clasped behind my back, and head down.

I heard a soft ding as the elevator opened at our floor.

"What time would you like me to see come see you for my next assignment?" I questioned him.

"Tomorrow, you're taking the rest of the day off and I'll see you for training in the morning." Enzo said coldly.

My head snapped up and I looked in his eyes.

"Please sir, I know I haven't behaved well or done well so far but please let me have another chance." I begged.

I saw some emotion in his eyes that looked similar to pity, but that wasn't quite right.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said in a hard tone that left no room for arguments.

I put my head back down and gave him a firm yes sir. I walked back to my room and stood in the middle of it for a minute. I should shower and report back to Dimitri. Even knowing that I walked to the bed, flipped down on top of the covers, and conked out.