The Assassins Weakness

Done For

Last night was.....rough. The panic attack that overtook me once I made it back to my room was one for the books. On top of that, Enzo never told me if he was planning to keep me or not. So even after I managed to calm myself down and get out of the memories, I had that to think about all night.

I managed to get a whole forty five minutes of sleep afterwards. I think I'd rather jump out the fucking window than face today.

Regardless, I have training to get to. So that's where I'm heading. I'm almost looking forward to the revenge hits the other guards will no doubt demand. It won't be breaking my promise to John if I'm not the one doing the hurting. A little pain would go a long way to clear my fucking head right now.

I wonder if Ant is going to want a hit. Poor, sweet Ant. My gut twists at the thought of his face last night. Then there's Enzo. I can't even think about what the hell I'm going to tell Enzo. One thing at a time. It's only a day. Just one day. It'll be over in no time. I'll either be coming back to this wonderful bed or on a plane.

I walked into the training room to find it as empty as always this early. I found a spot and began to stretch. Movement in the corner of my eye had me turning my head to watch Ant come in. He hasn't come in early in a month.

"Good Morning," I said timidly.

He said nothing as he walked closer. He only stopped when there was a foot of space between us. I was genuinely surprised by the foot that connected with my gut. The tips I'd given him, he'd remembered. That fucking hurt. I doubled over clutching my stomach.

"Good one," I wheezed out.

"We're even," was all he said before he walked to other side of the room and began to stretch.

I definitely don't feel bad. Definitely not. Assassins don't have feelings. I don't care that I hurt him bad enough to lash out. Absolutely not.

Before I could continue to try to convince myself of that idea, people began to file in. When one of those people were Enzo I refused to meet his eyes. Who am I trying to kid, he's not keeping me. I'm fucking done for. I guess it's what I get for being so shitty at my job. Ever since I've got here I haven't done anything right for Dimitri or Enzo.

"May, come with me, please." Enzo's voice rang out.

I'm so fucking done for.

I kept my head down as I followed him out of the room and into his office. He closed the door behind us and told me to take a seat. I did as I was told. When I heard him settle in the chair across from me I forced my gaze up.

"Jesus fuck!" He yelled.

"What, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean what's wrong!? What the fuck happened to your face?!"

He was up and around his desk by the time he finished talking. I just blinked in surprise as he crouched down in front of me to inspect my newly broken nose. When I saw it in the mirror this morning the bruising had extended to encompass half my face.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just tripped and fell into the wall."

"Fell into the wall my ass," he grumbled while gently feeling my nose with his hands.

I was surprised such rough and large hands could move so gentle.

"You don't have to feel it up for me to know it's broken."

Enzo let out a sigh, "Why do you always have an injury of some sort?"

I flinched at that. First it was Dimitri's slap, then it was my thighs, then it was me running too hard, then it was the guilt of the kill, now it's my nose. I really can't stop fucking things up.

"When's my flight?" I cut to the chase.

Enzo looked away from my eyes and moved back behind his desk. My body became more tense by the second. I shouldn't have asked. The not knowing was killing me, but this is worse. Even though it only took him about forty five seconds to answer it felt like a fucking eternity.

"We're leaving in half an hour. It's why I called you from training."

I felt my heart sink to my stomach. I can't believe I allowed myself to hope. I should've learned a long time ago that hope is the quickest way to hurt and disappointment.

"Very well, sir. May I go sort my belongings?"

Enzo's nod was all I needed to get the hell out of there. I felt hallow. Finally. It's been too complicated dealing with all these emotions lately. The hollowness I can handle. The hollowness I'm used to.

When I got back to the room I was using I moved methodically. I took a quick shower and tidied up the area. It wasn't my room, it was never my room. I allowed myself to get too used to these creature comforts. I packed only the things I came with. Dimitri will be upset if I don't return his belongings. Everything else would be wasted on the short amount of life I have left.

I debated sending Dimitri a message. I'm sure Enzo already told him we were on our way. I'll see him soon enough. No need to speed up the process any.

I made my way back to Enzo's office with ten minutes to spare. I wish I hadn't. Now I have to look at a crying Aurora. The second she saw me she crushed my body in a hug.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I tried to change his mind. You'll be okay, right?"

"Of course I will be," I lied with a smile.

Thank god for the hollowness.