The Assassins Weakness

Mommy Issues

The more I consider my theory the more right I think I am. It must be difficult to find love as a mafia boss. How perfect would a heartless assassin be for someone like him? Enzo must think a heartless murdering monster would be the only one who could match him.

I showed up for training like normal the next day. Ant stood by me and we weren't back to our original flirty banter but there was a comfortable camaraderie between us. Lorenzo took me on a run after training and things felt somewhat normal. I spent the evening making espresso cookies beside Fran.

All in all it was a boring day. Enzo did his best to ignore me. He never glanced at me during training and I didn't see him any other time. I went to sleep feeling optimistic. The next day Zahra would be back for therapy and I could start my plan.

*     *     *     *     *

"So, it's another day of silence?" Zahra asked the next afternoon.

We were fifteen minutes into our session and I was curled up in my chair biting my nails the way John always did when he was nervous.

"I just - where would I even start?" I asked, faking vulnerability.

"How about before everything. When you were still a normal child."

I flinched a little. I decided I would tell the truth. I would be open about the things that happened to me. It would gain trust faster. I'd just make sure to keep anything out about still being loyal. I wasn't prepared to talk about my family.

"I don't know that I ever was," I admitted.

"Oh?" Zahra asked, face open.

"Well, my mother always hated me. I think the day the Volkov's knocked on our door was a happy one for her. She got money and she got to get rid of me." I said truthfully.

"Why do you think your mother hated you?" Zahra questioned, brows furrowing.

"She told me often."

"In those words?"

"Oh yes," I said with a small chuckle. "I hate you. You're a vile child. You should never have been born. You're just like your rapist father. I wish I'd killed you when I had the chance. You get the gist."

"Ah, so you're the result of a rape then," Zahra concluded.

I only nodded.

"I see, and you do know that's not your fault, right? That being born wasn't a choice you made."

"Maybe," I said with a shrug. "How much research has been done on nature vs. nurture now. Was her hate so unwarranted?"

"So you believe yourself to be vile because your father was?"

"It's in my DNA," I admitted.

I had always had an easier time than the others. Doing despicable things. Adapting to the horrible things done to us.

"Well, I guess case closed. You're a lost cause, an absolute monster." She said suddenly.

My head snapped up, "What?"

"I'd usually say you have fifty percent rapist and fifty percent mother in you. In your case you have one hundred percent asshole at the least."

I threw my head back in a genuine laugh.

"Aren't you supposed to discourage me from hating my mother? Tell me she did the best she could with what she had? Tell me I should be grateful she didn't abort me?"

"Probably, but it sounds like you know all of that. What it seems like you don't know is that it wasn't your fault," Zahra said gently.

I stared at her then. She was reading me. It was almost thrilling having three people look at my face and understand some of my emotions. I was used to John being the only one. Now Enzo, Fran, and Zahra all had done it.

"Fault smault. It's one thing that just is what it is. Now, what do we tackle next?" I asked with a smile.

The rest of the session was actually kind of fun. We laughed at things that most people would probably feel nauseas about. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it'd be. It felt like I was ripping my chest open with every story I mentioned, but that wasn't so unusual to how I felt all the time anyway.

I was surprised at how quickly the hour went. Zahra told me she enjoyed our session and looked forward to seeing me after the weekend. I couldn't disagree. I wished her a happy weekend and then just sat in the office.

It took five minutes before Enzo came in.

"Come now, five minutes isn't nearly enough time to relate all the family drama I spilled today," I said.

If I instantly put my walls down it would be suspicious. I have to take this slow.

"I already told you, May. Whatever you say to Dr. Durrani stays between the two of you," Enzo said in a tired voice.

I turned around to see him looking haggard. His hair was mussed, his beard grown out more than usual, and bags under his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Enzo's eyes met mine. Some sort of emotion tingled down my spine that stole my breath. He tore his gaze away.

"I'm fine," he said with a deep sigh.

Enzo walked around and sat at his desk.

"So you actually spoke today?" He asked.

"Oh yes, we got into the mommy issues real good," I tried to joke.

I didn't like seeing that defeated expression on his face.

"Glad you got some of it out," he replied blandly.

"Enzo," I said softly.

He shut his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

"Please leave, May," he said quietly.

"What can I do?" I asked.

"Nothing. You don't need to do anything. I just - I need some time to think," he said, looking down at his hands in his lap.

"Okay," I relented.

I stood from my chair and headed for the door. I ignored the impulses screaming in my head to go to his side and pull him against me. I pretended I didn't want to run my fingers through his hair until his body relaxed.