Gone Girl 2

Chapter 30

I walk outside with a cup of water in my hand, hoping that it helps with my horrible nausea from so much alcohol.

Nicole leans against the wall and she doesn't notice me as she is caught up by the pretty boy talking to her. I've never seen him around here. I hope it's safe.

What happened to me made me very protective of other girls, I don't know what I would do if something bad happened to Nicole.

I walk past them, still trying to figure out if he is from our college. He is of average height and skinny, but Nicole's short height makes him look giant.

He has his hoodie on—which is kind of weird but college guys usually do that around here—and I can only spot a few dark brown waves on his forehead. His skin is extremely fair.

At least I'm not the only one.

Nicole suddenly bursts out laughing and I wish I could hear what he said. I'm happy for her. She deserves this.

But why do I feel like there is something off?

Why am I like this? Why do I always sabotage everything and doubt everyone? It's not okay. I'm not okay.

Sometimes I wonder why Derek even liked me but I'm not surprised he stopped.

Nicole will go insane when she finds out I slept with him, but I know she ships us. I don't know if that makes me happy. It's bittersweet.

Irène comes towards me. I take a last glance at Nicole and she is already going back inside with the mysterious guy.

"Shanice is fucking insane, God," Irène yells.

"What happened this time..." I roll my eyes.

"I tried to hit on her and she was- offended."

This reminds me of when I caught Shanice kissing another girl and she begged me to never tell a soul. I never did, not even Nicole. It wasn't my place and I know Nicole can't keep a secret.

Somehow everyone knows Shanice likes girls too, but she hasn't openly admitted it, which is fine considering that her parents would disown her.

"Maybe you shouldn't force her? People are allowed to not like you."

"Force her? I just made one small comment and she misunderstood it and told me to never say that again."

"You should respect that," I spit. I am angry because I don't want to talk about this right now when I have a lot on my plate.

I can't stop thinking about Derek's hands on my skin and it's killing me.

I don't see him around here and I wonder what he's doing... is he regretting sleeping with me?

"I know she's a bisexual, she's just scared to admit it."

I shrug. "Even if she is, she doesn't have to admit it to you," I yell so I know for sure she can hear me even with the loud noise outside. I walk away from Irène before she uselessly defends herself.

Sometimes she annoys me too much and her behavior is borderline creepy.

I touch my necklace and I can't stop thinking about him. I wonder if he saw I was still wearing his gift years later. But of course he did, Derek always notices everything.

A thought of him coming back and kissing me flashes my mind, dying for the hope that he isn't regretting it, that I am only regretting it if he is. I hate myself for daydreaming this and I know it will just end up hurting me more. Dreams are only good until you snap out of them.

I want to go home but I'm still drunk, and I didn't come in my car so no help. I doubt Dominic would leave that soon.

Derek can't leave too, and I bet he wants to. He usually never loses himself like today. He is the responsible one. He smoked a joint because of me, and he drank more because of me.