Girl To Girl: Vol. 2

Common Causes of Pain During Sex

Painful sex (dyspareunia) is a common experience, regardless of sex or gender.

Sometimes, the problem is the result of insufficient production of natural lubrication, so the solution is getting more foreplay or using a lubricant. However, these are also common causes of dyspareunia:

- Absence of sexual arousal and not enough lubrication

- Side effects of drugs

- Allergy to clothing, latex condoms, spermicides, or douches 

- Vaginitis (inflammation of the vaginal mucous membrane)

- Vaginismus (the body's automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration. Whenever penetration is attempted, your vaginal muscles tighten up on their own. You have no control over it. Occasionally, you can get vaginismus even if you have previously enjoyed painless penetrative sex. Vaginismus is usually linked to anxiety or fear of having sex)

- Vaginal thrush (yeast infection)

- Infections (including sexually transmitted infections)

- Endometriosis

- Ovarian cysts

- Fibroids

- Certain non-gynecologic illnesses and conditions (such as irritable bowel syndrome, constipation, etc.)

- Inflammation or skin disorder

- Injury, trauma or irritation

- Surgeries or medical treatment

- Emotional factors (psychological issues or stress)

Sometimes none of these factors are present. Instead, there might be a pain at the vaginal entry or vestibulum (that's why this kind of pain is called vestibular pain). Vestibulodynia is chronic pain and discomfort that occurs in the area around the opening of the vagina, inside the inner lips of the vulva. This area is known as the vestibule. Treatment for this often requires specialist knowledge and may include a combination of physiotherapy and local medications.

If you do sex regularly and continue to feel pain, don't ignore it. Go to a doctor for help. Many of the above problems can be successfully treated.

Pain during intercourse is not always of a physiological nature. Personal experiences, feelings of guilt, or psychological traumas can cause it as well. In such cases, sex therapy is recommended.

** i can say for a personal fact that when im constipated (severe constipation comes with endo sometimes, "severe" meaning you can't/haven't gone poop anywhere between 10-15+ days. the pain is unbelievable, so uncomfortable that i couldn't sleep at night, i could actually feel the poop in my bowels, you could see the bulge when you looked at my tummy)  you cannot stick anything in me because my body is already so packed full, my body just immediately rejects penis.
Trauma: so i have ptsd from a brutal rxpe, a monster whom i knew and felt i could trust, took me on a "date" and made it the worst day of my life. he brutalized me over and over again. so, of course, i have a few issues with sex. if my husband does something that the evil man did to me that day, I'll immediately get taken back to that day, feel as if I'm actually there in that moment again, and the glorious sex with my husband will be over and replaced by a ptsd flashback to that day; when i get snapped back to reality I'm usually in the bathroom either in the shower or near the toilet, sometimes the stress levels get too high too quickly and i get sick, other times I just break out in sweat and cry and shake and my husband will put me in a hot bath, mentally I can't remember much after them, my brain kinda goes blank ?? Idk, let me know if you're the same; if you have ptsd and you have flashbacks, do you later remember the flashbacks after the fact? I feel like it might vary, because some of the less extreme ones, I can remember, I might just choose not to remember, but a lot of my recent severe one's I don't remember. So I also don't remember a few minutes before or after the flashbacks so I truthfully don't know how I get in the showers, I could fly, maybe my husband carried me in there, but I choose to believe that I levitate and hover over all the bullshit and just fly right into the hot shower
Endometriosis: of fxxking course! as if endo wasn't painful enough on its own, it doesn't even let you get a good fvck in once in a while cause as soon as you get turned on enough for someone to slip it in, BAM! instant fire burning excruciating pain, so extreme, so intense you can't even breathe at times. Endometriosis is one of those things that flares up to the max during or nearing your period but it can (and usually does) affect you otherwise. Meaning, good luck trying to ever have sex. And if you actually are able to do the sex and have something thrust in and out of you, DO NOT orgasm! Whatever you do, don't do it!! Because as soon as you do, I'm talking immediately, you'll fall to your knees clutching your stomach, your entire body covered in sweats, your eyes filled with tears and you'll be sitting there begging God just to take you because the pain is THAT unbearable. It's so excruciating, I don't even care about sex anymore. And I used to be the type of person to have sex with my husband 4 times a day on a typical Wednesday, we're just so physically attracted to one another, we love each other an overwhelming amount, just anything and everything he does (either annoys me or) turns me on and now it's to the point of I can't even share myself with him unless I've taken a handful of pain pills (im dramatic af, i would never take a handful, if it says on the bottle take two, you take two. I'm being dramatic, I'm actually fairly scared of dying off meds so I would never not follow the rules lol)
Anxiety: anxiety is literally the worst thing if you ever want to have sex. First, you got to be a thousand percent comfortable with yourself, your body, and your bare body in someone else's eyes. If you have anxiety, you'll know it's nearly impossible to ever think you're even remotely attractive enough to "look good" in somebody else's eyes. Secondly, even if you get past that hump, you've got to then be fully comfortable with being bare and raw in front of another being. i.e. you must be comfortable enough to moan and cum in front of somebody else (i personally recommend masturbating before your first time with someone else to see if you're at least comfortable enough to make noise with yourself in the room, if not please don't have sex, you're not ready!) (i wasn't ready or comfortable so im honestly probably not fun in bed at all honestly)
Also, anxiety makes it really hard to orgasm. It's a mental thing that becomes a physical thing, if you have anxiety and find that you cannot do it most of the time, it's just smoother thing your anxiety has taken from you love 😔
There's so many other notes that I could add about a few different subjects but I feel so bad because I know it's beyond fxxking annoying to have these long ass authors notes 😩😭😭😂 so i genuinely apologize for them being so long but they're also packed with a lot of  info so i can't be too sorry 🙃🤓
Anyway, do y'all even read A/N?? 🤔 if you've made it this far, tell me if you like this book. Is it helpful in your opinion? Maybe it's informative just not for you?? Have you thought about sharing it with others but are afraid of what they might think?? Understandable. Judgment is tough. Fear of judgment is even tougher. Sad.
Hope everybody has a blessed night/day, a wonderful Christmas, Chanukah/Hanukkah has already passed but i hope it was amazing, absolutely phenomenal. and let's all hope and pray that 2022 is MUCH better than the past two years 😩😭
Remember: what was meant to last two weeks lasted two years; careful who you put your trust into in 2022 😏👌🏻