To Be Loved By Peter Parker

Memories

{TW: Past trauma: abandonment, sexual assault, and abuse}

{Song Guide: I love you by Billie Eilish}

She felt a daze as her head began to spin in repeated circles. She could feel her feet stumble from beneath her as she felts arms grasp onto her before she could hit the ground. Voices emerged from outside of her, but all she could do was remain frozen and still.

One with the moment.

Her stomach in knots as she couldn't contain the feeling of everything caving in within her. Her breathing was now heavy, was the oxygen in the room depleting or was it just her struggling to grasp the act of taking a breath. Her eyes were wide open, but not to the outside world to the one within her mind. She lifted her hand up as she tried to touch the glowing rays of sunshine as her eyes then watched butterflies fly in front of her face. A memory she had no recollection of she looked up to two unfamiliar faces until she began to recall what it was like to have parents.

Her face turned to the right as she was embraced by another warm and bright memory of her blowing candles on her sixth birthday. She had forgotten the good memories she had when she was so young and pure. She looked up smiling at her mother as she could tell by her mother's expression that she had known long before the second they had given her up the decision she had made.

She closed her eyes not wanting to remember as she heard the forsaken voices around her. The voices, the words, the pain she had pushed far back within her.

Her mother crying, "I wish I could say I love you, but I can't give you the love you need."

The aching feeling of knowing she had never been love, not even her own mother could love her. She grasped onto her head closing her eyes shut trying to block the stinging sensation breaking her once again.

Her father grasping her away from her mother as he said, "Take this."

She didn't have to open her eyes to know it was a dusty and ripped stuffed animal toy, a black cat . Probably one her father had stolen to give to her.

She could hear the screams of her younger self crying for her parents to come back. Crying with the need of wanting them to love her. To love her as any parent should love their own child.

A sudden pause of silence as she finally took a deep breath in and out, opening her eyes.

She saw as Kristine was the one now in front of her. Kristine didn't have to ask, but she knew as her eyes began to water as she wrapped her arms around Nat.

Kristine cried whilst holding her friend, "I don't know what's going on, but I'm here. I'm here for you."

They pulled away as Nat asked, "What's going on?"

Kristine looked around them as Nat's eyes followed where her eyes wandered. The world around them was breaking, fading away.

Kristine looked back at her as she helped her friend up.

Kristine said, "Nat, I need you to know that I love you. And I know I never say it, but you're my family. I couldn't have wished for a more better best friend than you, and god I love you."

Nat's eyes were filled with old and new tears as she smiled. Was this a goodbye?, she though to herself.

Nat shook her head and said, "What are you doing?"