As the Chains Fall

Chapter 46

Broken sobs left Eros' lips when he cradled me in his arms, tighter than he ever did before. Ramdam ko sa hawak niya na kinukumbinsi niya ang sarili niya na totoo ang sinabi ko, at ang takot niya na makawala akong muli.

Walang ibang tumatakbo sa isip ko kung hindi ang mga salitang... mahal na mahal ko siya. Higit pa sa inaakala ko.

Ngayon ko nakita na sapat na dahilan iyon para bumalik at manatili. Magkaiba kami, oo—siya, handang isuko ang lahat para sa akin, at ako, ilang beses ko na siyang binitiwan. I want to stop being the person who keeps on giving him up for the sake of everybody else.

My lips quivered as I spoke. "I am sorry that it took me this long, Jaireh. I think... I think I was afraid."

He did not say anything and his small hiccups from his crying continued, but much quieter now. I took that as a cue to continue speaking, even if I could almost feel the tangible breaking of my heart because of his cries.

"Natakot ako noong una mo akong sinundan dito. K-Kasi, inaaya mo akong umalis. Nag-alala ako na kung sasama ako sa'yo at hindi pala tayo ang para sa isa't isa, ikaw, may babagsakan ka... You have a safety net for everything... pero paano ako? Mauubos ako. Kapag iniwan mo ako, walang matitira sa akin."

Mabilis niyang inangat ang ulo niya, apektado sa sinabi ko. Offense is evident in his face. I held his face in my hand, but he must have thought that I did that to calm him down. It's the opposite. I did it to calm myself down.

"I never would have done that to you."

I smiled and nodded, "I was just scared."

"You shouldn't have been."

He must think that it is so easy. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang mangyayari sa hinaharap. Hindi niya rin naman alam, pero alam ko na pipilitin niya ang lahat para lang manatili sa tabi ko.

"But I was afraid, nonetheless."

The frown on his face grew deeper. "I am no longer the same immature boy you liked back then," aniya na parang batang ipinagtatanggol ang sarili.

Tumango ako ulit.

"I know that, Eros." More than anyone else, I saw how much you have grown. Hindi mo kailangang ipaliwanag sa akin dahil ako mismo, alam ko iyon.

"It didn't happen overnight, pero hindi na ako padalos-dalos. That was how I lost you the first time, so I tried. Hard. Bago ako nagpunta rito... sinigurado ko na wala nang mawawala sa'yo. That it will be a win-win and no chance of losing. You have lost enough in your life. I am not going to be one of them."

I raised my brows to challenge him. "At paano kung pumayag ako sa alok mo na umalis tayo rito? Na kung ayaw kong bumalik, ayaw kong manatili, at pinili kong pumunta tayo sa ibang lugar, paano?"

"Hindi naman kita pababayaan. I have enough money to buy us a house. I can provide for us in this lifetime and in the next. We would have lived together without a care for anything else in the world."

"Sa tingin mo, ganoon kadali iyon?"

He innocently nodded.

"Of course, Sienna. Basta magkasama tayo," he answered in a strained voice. It's like he has been waiting forever to say that to me and to get me to understand it.

"I lived without money in Spain because I wouldn't touch my family's. I worked day and night to earn. Some nights, I didn't sleep because I was juggling soccer, work, and my studies. It sucked, but it was nothing compared to the feeling when I lost you. Two fucking times! I'd rather starve and deprive myself of sleep than to feel the pain of losing you again!"