| xli: the wrong one|

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"Mistakes are costly and somebody must pay

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"Mistakes are costly and somebody must pay." — The Author, His Inconvenient Bride

" — The Author, His Inconvenient Bride

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Jaipur, India

I never knew confessing the deepest and darkest secret of your life could be so relieving. I had my arms still wrapped around Akanksha's whose head now laid on my chest. She had her whole self nuzzled into me and though it was uncomfortable, I wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

Varsha had unleashed the beast in me. I had never learned how to adapt and overcome which was probably one of the reasons why anger had become a way to deal with things.

My life all these eight years was spent in resentment, disgust and misery. Not only with her but also with myself. Whenever the past flashed in front of my eyes, there was nothing but untamed anger bubbling inside of me.

I felt triggered. I felt raged. Love and my family who was bound to me by love became inaccessible. I wish I could stop the triggering, but I felt unprotected or left to fend for myself. It became a survival mode, turning me cold and indifferent.

And that anger had almost ruined my family and Akanksha's life. I hated to be blamed for all the wrong reasons but alas, I did the same with Akanksha.

And well there was Akanksha. The woman of my life who had a heart of something invaluable. Who was always understanding when it came to me. But most importantly she gave me time.

The whole time I narrated my past, she did not utter, not even a word for she knew that I didn't need words of comfort, I needed comfort. So she went ahead and hugged and I was glad that she didn't say anything for her hug had expressed it all.

We had seen all forms of silence. Our silence kept us distanced all these years. Our silence held our deepest secrets. And now, our silence gave us the comfort to get closer than ever.

She was completely the opposite of me. Calm, looked weak but in real was strong, humble and most importantly understanding. The qualities that she possessed had certainly put my whole existence down to shame.

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