Save Me But Don't Hurt Yourself. Justin Phan x Y/n fanfiction.

Chapter 5 ~ hEaL

TW - Anxiety, Eating Disorders
We get our seats and everyone starts checking the menus to see what they want.

Once they chose Darren asks me, his loud voice causing me to flinch, Justin sending daggers in Darrens direction for that.

I laugh at Justin then tell Darren I'll just have small bits and pieces from their food since I wasn't too hungry.

The food arrives and holy shit it smells good, my mouth waters and I contemplate whether I should grab a piece of bacon or not, when my inner voice comes back.

Don't you dare eat, dumb fuck, have seen how you look. If you keep eating you'll get even fatter and you'll look even more ugly and I thought that was impossible. Food's bad for you, don't eat, starve yourself. It's what you deserve and we all know it.

I loose my appetite all of a sudden and I put my hands under my thighs to stop them from shaking as Justin asks what I want to eat.

"Justin, don't worry. I'm not hungry right now. I'll eat in a bit. You should start eating though."

And he looks like he wants to argue back and before he can I add a small "Please." And he goes back to eating.

I pour myself a glass of water sipping on it slowly, trying to ignore the fact that my eating disorder was acting up again.

Tears well up in my eyes as I remember those days, the present fading away as I blank out, the memories flooding back to me and I force myself to come to reality, blinking my eyes repeatedly to get the tears to disappear.

Why are you crying? You deserved it all, grow the fuck up, idiot.

"Y/n you okay?" Kane asks me, causing everyone to look at me, "Oh, yeah, don't worry, I'm fine, just got something in my eye. I'm sorry."

I reply and everyone turns back to what they were doing, except for Justin, he stares at me for a second before leaning and whispering into my ear, "You sure your fine?"

I nod my head and he asks me to eat, "I don't want to, I'm sorry."

I felt bad, I kept telling him no, when all he was doing was trying to be there for me.

"When was the last time you ate a whole mean, huh? Like a plate full of food?"

I stare up at him, trying to figure what he's trying to do, also whether I should answer him honestly or not, "Answer me honestly, please." He says, as if he read my mind, his voice pleading.

"A couple of days ago." My voice small, fear of how he would react coursing through me.

I get myself ready for a quick strike, my eyes clenched shut, when he whispers my name, and I open them to look up to him staring down at me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" his voice soft, "Nothing, I'm sorry."

"Okay, well you should still eat something, you've been busy all day, what do you want?"

And before I can control myself I blurt out, "I have an eating disorder okay? I can't eat, not even if I wanted to, I'm an ugly-ass fat piece of shit, the last thing I need is food, stop trying."

He stares at my face with a look of guilt pasted on his face.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad, I'm sorry. Sorry, I always fuck shit up."

I add on before taking a couple of seconds to gather myself and then I look up to his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

"Y/n, your beautiful, I haven' t been able to take my eyes off of you since I met you. Your not fat. You didn't fuck up, you told me the truth okay? Don't worry about it and you don't have to be sorry all the time, it's not your fault. You're perfect the way you are. Please don't think otherwise. And you can overcome your ED. So how about you start off small and eat a couple of bites now and later we can talk about this and see how I can help, mk?"

I couldn't help but agree, his words meaning the world to me.

Justins POV
My heart broke as I listened to Y/n's outburst on her ED.

The tears in her eyes made pain tear through my soul.

I pore her some bacon, since I saw her eyeing it in the beginning, and help her eat.

"Let's start off slow okay? Just take one bite for me."

I tell her and she looks up at me, the look in her eyes unexplainable but it still spread warmth through me.

Y/n's POV
Justin feeds me the bacon he placed on my plate after seeing me having trouble to eat it myself.

The only other person I let treat me like this is Nathan, but for some reason it felt right when Justin did, so I let him continue.

The feeling of eating food foreign to me after not having eaten for 2 weeks, yes I know, I lied to Justin.

Surprise!

To be honest, now I feel bad for lying to him, seeing how he cared about me and knowing it would get me in trouble, I decide to tell him.

"Justin?" I say as I put my hand on his arm, "Yea?"

Suddenly I get all anxious but I decide to continue, "I lied."

He looks at me confused, which he obviously would be cause he has no idea what I'm talking about, stupid me.

"I actually haven't eaten in two weeks. I ate supplements that gave me the nutritions I needed, but this bacon is the first food I've eaten for two weeks. I'm sorry."

Justin looks sad and I didn't realize the other boys heard but I guess they realized it's not their place to say anything.

"It's okay, what matters is that your eating now."

He gives me a small smile and squeezes my hand then turns backs to his food, keeping his hand in mine.