Save Me But Don't Hurt Yourself. Justin Phan x Y/n fanfiction.

Chapter 7 ~ tRAuMa

TW: Abuse, Rape & Sexual Assault Talks, Mental, Verbal and Physical Abuse mentions.
I feel someone pick me and start to open my eyes, coming face to face with Justin, "Go back to sleep, I'm just taking you to my room." I grumble some words and put my head into his chest, trying to go back to sleep, but I couldn't, the need to clear the air with Justin greater than ever. I let him carry me to his room and once he put me down on his bed and started to leave, I sat up. "Justin, wait. We need to talk." My voice serious.

"You're awake, I thought you fell asleep but sure, what's up?"

"It's about earlier today and I feel like I need to clear the air about it all with you." I say. He looks at me with kind eyes and says "Hey, listen. You don't have to tell me anything, you owe me no explanation, so don't worry about." 'Maybe I shouldn't tell him, he said it's fine, he probably doesn't care nor does he probably want to know. Ugh shut up, you need to explain it all to him, he did beat the shit out of Louis today. But do I?' My internal battle was going no where, so I decided to tell him it all before I changed my mind.

"Justin come here," I say, making grabby hands at him, "So I've had a really fucked up past, or well it may not seem fucked up to you, but y'know." Justin nods his head to my words. "Okay so, I'm from Canada, when I graduated from high school, I came to Stanford for a Bachelors Degree in Engineering Physics as you know. My first year here I met Louis and at first he was super nice and kind, he cared about whether I was eating or not and whatnot. We became good friends and then he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I thought he was a good person so I said yes, obviously. But the more we got into the relationship, it's like the more evil he became. At first it was verbal and mental abuse, he started degrading me, but not it the way that y'know turns you on, he'd comment on the way I looked and all that. And I have anxiety, eating disorders and skin picking disorders, I'm not self confident at all. I took everything he said to heart, my ED getting worse, I stopped eating fully, I think I went a couple of weeks on supplements, I was weak. And instead of um, uh, being there for me like a good boyfriend, he found this to be a good time to physically abuse me."

I take a deep breathe, my hands shaking as I remember the times, Justin moves closer to me bringing me into his arms, telling me I'm safe now and urging me to take my time.

"He used to come home drunk, we moved in together, so he'd come home drunk and I used to ask why he was out so late and why he had hickey's I didn't give him. He raised his hand at me, and he used to beat me, I remember once, he punched me so hard, I had to get stitches. Lemme remind you, I come from an abusive family, so I flinch whenever someone raises their hand, it's like a muscle reflex. So him hitting me made it worse." I was full on tearing up now, my tears threatening to fall. I hug Justin back, clutching his shirt in my hands, my face on his chest.

"When I was 6, my grandpa, grandma and uncle moved to Canada. A couple of months after they came here, my grandpa, my moms dad, thought I'd make a good sex toy. And he raped me, he stopped when I was 11 and he had to go to country. He told me that what he was doing was good for me and that if I ever told someone, something bad would happen to me." I look up at Justin, anger visible in his eyes and it scared me, I coward to the other side of the bed, my hands up to protect my face, "Hey, no, no, no, I'm not gonna hurt you. Omg, I'm so sorry. I'm safe okay? I won't hurt you. I'm so sorry you thought otherwise." I figure he was telling the truth and crawl back to the safety and comfort he gave me.

"Anyways, I'm sorry about that. But um, so, uhhhh, Louis knew that, and despite knowing it all, he came home drunk one day at 4 am, I had an exam the next day so I was sleeping, but I woke up to my clothes being taken off of me, and he was ripping my underwear by the time I could do something. I tried getting him off of me, but he was stronger, especially since I was barely eating. And despite the fact that, I had gone through this, he did it once again. I don't know how I got away, but I somehow did. And ever since then, the only person I've ever let touch me has been Nathan, but for some reason, your touch made me feel safe again, something I haven't felt in a long time. Thank you for saving me today, I was so fucking scared. And you prolly didn't wanna know all this so, I'm sorry."