Battle Scars

Epiphany

It had been a month since she had seen Az or any of the Night court members. Her letters were now hand delivered by Yelena who gave it to another spy who gave it to someone else who carefully handed it to Azriel or whomever it was addressed to.

Speaking of which, Yelena and Eve had become good friends. Of course, other than Eve, no one else knew about the female's existence, making their friendship something born out of close quarters but they enjoyed and tolerated each other's company nevertheless. Eve would tell Yelena horror stories and house her. In turn, Yelena would teach her some defensive moves or dust up the ones she already knew. This was the closest she would get to training ever again, Eve said to herself every day before sleeping.

Today, they both would be returning. One to visit the Spymaster and another for the memorial that was organized for the war martyrs. Gulping, she winnowed away to the Night Court borders, stumbling right into the arms of Mor. "Long time," the blonde said- gosh, Eve had missed her voice- before hugging the life out of her, not that Eve minded. After a while, when the cold started making itself known, they winnowed away to Velaris.

The first person she saw was Azriel, standing near the fireplace, his gaze already fixed on her. His shadows reached out to her as she teared his gaze and went forward to meet the rest of her friends who were all solemn today.

Feyre and Rhys were dressed in plain black clothes though still regal. Eve instead had specially worn a white dress for the occasion with faded floral prints, contrasting their black. "When is the- um..." Eve asked. "It will start in an hour," Feyre told her softly. Eve nodded before excusing herself, heading outside for some time.

The ceremony would take place near the Sidra. 

Pictures were set up of all those who had lost their lives and candles were lit in their memory. The High Lord and Lady began the solemn event by giving a heartfelt speech and Eve could've sworn she heard sniffling behind her. The pictures and mementos were to be there for the entire day and night. People came and went, staring at the candles, the boards, tears falling down their eyes. Some got up and gave speeches, some listened while some turned away, unable to hold back their sorrow any longer.

Eve stood expressionless through it all. Only her eyes held the proof of her grief and sympathy. So much carnage had happened. So many lives had been lost. Yes, it had been months ago but the gashes and scars they had all received had still not healed. They were fresh.

Cassian came and stood on her right, Azriel already on her other side. She gulped and watched as some more people dispersed. "Take me to his grave," she told them- not caring who nodded and whose arms she let herself be enveloped in.

Within two seconds, they were airborne. Within the next five minutes, Eve was kneeling, coming face to face to the same grave where not even a year ago, she had been bawling her eyes out. Now, she simply stared at his name for eternity. Others had also come but she did not pay heed.

Standing, she removed a paper from her pocket and placed it on the ground. It was the only thing she could think of getting- it was a poem she had written for him. The next second, she lit the poem on fire. She let it turn to dust and ashes in the palm of her hand. Maybe, somewhere, Mike would feel what she had felt while writing this, would hear the words through the wind that now carried the dust and ash away to some unknown place.

Sighing heavily, she let her forehead rest against the tombstone. She did not have the energy to say anything, nor did she have any energy to move. So she stayed like that for what felt like forever until something stirred deep inside of her- something she had not felt since his death.

She wanted to sing.

And only for Mike, she allowed it. She let the harmony come to her and take over her completely. Softly, ever so softly, she started singing. Singing for all those nameless, countless soldiers who had died on either sides. Singing for the innocents and all affected by futile wars started by greedy and rotten people in power. But mostly, she sang for Mike. Mike and her and their everlasting friendship.

"Keep your helmet, keep your life, son
Just a flesh wound, here's your rifle."

Except Mike had not survived. He had died fighting in a war before it had even truly started. He had died in a fickle, his life spark gone in an instant. So delicate. So fragile.

"Crawling up the beaches now
"Sir, I think he's bleeding out"
And some things you just can't speak about."

The battle of Adriata had been brutal. Someone' wings had been hurt, her arm and abdomen had been slashed, and she had killed again and again till blood coated her hands like paint. She had vomited later- horror seeped into her bones as the memories had replayed in her head that night and many others. She had wished Mike had been there to lull her to sleep, to make her laugh. Gosh, he was gone. He was gone. He was gone. She wanted to scream as a tear dropped on the grass below.

"With you, I serve
With you, I fall down, down
Watch you breathe in
Watch you breathing out, out."

Promises were broken. They were meant to be forever so how did Mike go ahead without her? He left her behind among all this mess. She had not even been there in his last moments- no, she had been taken to Hybern to become immortal while he had laid on the floor, stone-cold. How was it fair? She was a mess now, denying the abyss she let herself fall into, deeper every time she was left alone with her cruel thoughts. She hadn't been there for him, to comfort him in his last moments. She wished she had fallen instead.

"Something med school did not cover
Someone's daughter, someone's mother
Holds your hand through plastic now
"Doc, I think she's crashing out"
And some things you just can't speak about."

He was gone. She was alone. He would never breathe again. She would never hear him laugh. They would never sing again. He didn't get the choice to go home. Gosh, there wasn't enough air.

"Only 20 minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen."

She wished this was all a dream sometimes. That Mike wasn't dead. It seemed unreal- he had been so full of life, full of hope, optimism and compassion. Why do bad things happen to good people? What did the bad guys gain from all of this? Why couldn't have they left him alone?

"With you, I serve
With you, I fall down, down (down)
Watch you breathe in
Watch you breathing out, out,

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down (down), down (down)
Watch you breathe in
Watch you breathing out (out), out,

Only 20 minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen."

Eve let her tears fall freely. She wanted to scream, she wanted to, she wanted to- Gasping at the lack of air, she got up and stumbled backwards only to meet with hard muscle of the Shadowsinger. He looked at her with so much sorrow and pain that she couldn't.

"No," she denied and ran towards the trees. Eve did not even know what she was denying. She just ran. Ran away from everything. Azriel went after her even as other watched, tears decorating their faces in streaks.

Later, they found Azriel and Eve in the middle of the forest. The two were slipped down with Azriel's back against the tree as Eve sobbed her heart out, her head resting in the crook of his neck; sobbing till she collapsed, letting oblivion greet her. 

Happy reading :)

XOXO,

the amazing author

Read The Love Hypothesis