Deviant

Forty one

~A chance ~

"Let me go. I hate all of you. Let me go!"
I heard Jungkook yelling behind the white door as soon as he woke up.

"You will not go inside and talk to him? " My mother asked after a long silence.

"I can't. I can't see the hate in his eyes."

We were in a mental institution. I was the one who brought him there.
I was the one who injected him with the drug so I could bring him to this place.
I was the one who put him in a straitjacket, depriving him of his freedom.

But I couldn't let him free.
How could I? To see him destroy himself? To see him slowly dying?
Because he didn't care about his life. He didn't eat for days. It was a miracle he actually drank water, otherwise, he wouldn't be alive.

I placed my forehead against the door. This door I was hesitating to open. My body was trembling only at the idea of him hating me. He trusted me enough to let his guard down, and I disappointed him.
I knew how much trust meant to him.
He deliberately put himself in a situation where the other person could hurt him. He was fully aware of it, but he still let his guard down. Why? I didn't expect that from him.

I couldn't forget the way he looked at me after I injected him with the serum.
When his eyes locked with mine, all I could see in them was pain and disappointment.
I was sure his mind was telling him that I was a bad person. That I lied regarding everything I said to him. No matter what I would say afterward, he wouldn't believe me. I completely lost him.
There were no second chances.

"You are the only one he knows, Y/N. He must feel terrified with so many doctors around him. They can't give him pills forever. Just try and talk to him."

My hand trembled as I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.
And when my eyes found him, I felt like dying. Each of his legs was tied to the bed as he was struggling to release himself from the straitjacket. It was for his own good. He would have hurt himself if we would have used handcuffs instead.

"Jungkook... Please... Stop." I whispered as I approached. You will hurt yourself. "

At my voice, he stopped struggling. And what I feared most happened.

"You. It's all because of you, " he said in a low voice. "I hate you. I hate the moment our paths crossed.
Just you wait until I will get out of here. I will make you regret ever being born. "

His words should have hurt me more than anything.
But his tears hurt me the most.

Why were you crying?

Why were you looking at me like that?

"I hate you," his voice trailed off, tears leaving his eyes one by one.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry. If I say that I did all of this for your safety, would you believe me? "

"No."

"If I say that I love you, in my way, would you believe me? "

He didn't say anything. Jungkook couldn't formulate one word. His tears were blurring his vision and he couldn't see you clearly.
But he still had the power to shake his head at what you just said.

"I know a part of you cares about me," you continued to say as you touched the top of his head.

"You wish." Jungkook glared at you.

"Then why are you crying? "

His Pov

Indeed a good question.
Why am I crying?
Why does it hurt?
I don't remember when was the last time I cried.

But I couldn't stop.

It hurt.
I wanted to be free.

You took that away from me.

Now I was here again. Tied up. Drugged.
In their hands.
My own life never belonged to me. Others had it and did whatever they wanted with it.
Others have chosen what was the right thing to do with it in my place.

I wanted back my stolen life.

I wanted this unbearable pain I felt in my chest to go away and let me breathe.
But it was there.
Your presence made it worse.

"No one will ever hurt you."

"But you are hurting me."

You were crying.

"I am so sorry." You whispered as you took me in your arms.
"I don't know what to do. Maybe I did wrong, but I can't let you destroy yourself. "

But it was my life. If I wanted to die, if I wanted to jump off a cliff, I had the right to choose my path. Why did you have to interfere?

"I want a chance for you. To show you another world foreign to you. I want to show you so many things you never had the opportunity to see. I want to see you smile. Just once."

"Why? Why can't you just let me be? "

"Because I can't.
Because I have to try.
Because I love you and I don't know how to show it to you."

I closed my eyes as new tears landed on my cheeks.
Damn him. This stupid side of mine was always crying. Damn him.

(He referred to his playboy side)

I moved my head toward you.
You had your face buried into my cheek and I didn't know whose tears I was feeling. Yours or mine.

Who would you want someone like me?
Why did everyone want someone abnormal?

Why did you want me?

Isn't it tiring?