Something Mending -- VOL 1

15

A year ago

A year ago I had it all, at least my version of all, I had everything I wanted, life was enough. I had a love I thought will last me a lifetime, I had my best friend, who I thought was my soulmate, I had the best girl in the world, I had friends, and I loved them. I had people.

I was living life, and now it feels like centuries ago. Perhaps there were flaws, but I had them, I had these people, and I felt complete, I was loved, and I was in love. I was enough, I was beautiful, I was seen, I was living, not existing. I can't even see the version of me that was with these people, that me is gone, perhaps the pain flushed her out.

How did it all come undone. What more can I lose. How far gone am I?.

I just want to be happy, to be loved, to be happy. A year ago, I was. I had everything, and now, I have nothing. He left, in the worst way possible, and I believe he led to the series of action that led me here, or not, he shouldn't get so much credit, he's just a boy. She left, and she followed, and that was the greatest heartbreak of all. From celebrating birthday in a room full of people, to celebrating alone, laying in bed, wishing for the end.

However, a year ago, I was naive -- couldn't see clearly, blinded by the illusion of grandeur. A year ago, I loved wildly, spilling my guts to whoever. A year ago I mistook pain for love and I got wrecked. A year ago I wore my heart on my sleeve, and I offered it on a platter, they chopped it, and threw it on my face. A year ago I “wanted too much”. A year ago I loved. A year ago she was here, and now she's gone, and I really miss her.

Perhaps I see the lesson in all these, but sometimes it's blurred with the pain.

----- five twenty pm.
April, thirteen, twenty twenty two.