Something Mending -- VOL 1

35

I do not understand.
How can I be here, living, when you're gone.
How do I move daily?
How do I do it, each day, when I lost the best part of me that is you.
I miss you everyday, but I still cook noodles and dance in the dark,
I miss you terribly, but I still laugh out loud and smile at strangers.

How do I do it? I adored you, but how did I do it, how am I doing it?
How did I fall in love with a boy, when you're not here.
How dare I love when we no longer gossip into the midnight.
How dare I move on, in my own turtle way, how dare I move on from the loss and grief of you
How can I relish and savour the days I'm not crying and gasping for air because I miss you.
How dare I? How dare me?

This is panic. It is fear. It is overflowing anxiety and strangling maniac. I don't know what this is, healing? Absolutely not. It's the heart wrenching fear that if I no longer feel the pain caused by your absence, I will lose my only and last connection to you.

However, this is also me, kissing a boy, dancing in the rain, reading a beautiful book, eating undercooked noodles, making friends, eating junks and laughing out loud, this me living, living with the underlying pain of you, with the absence of my best girl.

The two can work perfectly together. I can miss you, and still love me.