I keep seeing things, hearing things, knowing things, telling me there's no God, no Christ, showing me the loopholes in the Bible, showing me how biblical facts are not logical, and I wonder, If I don't believe in Christ, If I stop believing in the existence of God, of the higher power, If I stop, What will I believe in?, What?, Who?.
One can go crazy if there's nothing to believe, nothing to hold on to, nothing to grasp on, no faith to grasp on, nothing, no fucking thing to believe in, Won't I go crazy?, I know I will.
Because at the end of most days, fucking bad days ---- Days that I'm left bare of everything I have, everything I hold dear. Days that I cross the road slower in hopes that I would be run over by a lorry. Days that I'm writhing in pain with tears gushing out of my face. Days that I feel so damn empty. Days that I battle with my Addiction and Depression hard. Days that I feel the darkness in me take over me. Days that I feel blood gushing out of the self inflicted cut on my wrist. Days that I wish I'm dangling from the ceiling with a rope around my neck. Days that I stare at the pills longer than usual. Days that I hate myself. Days like this ---- At the end of days like that, all I have left is believe.
All I have left is to believe, believe that there's help coming for me, believe that one day the pain will be gone, believe that one day I won't feel so fucking empty, believe that one day I'll be really fine, believe that there's a higher power, a God who actually loves me.
All I have left is to believe, BELIEVE, believe, hold on to that believe. I just have to believe, I can't stop believing. I won't.
______ ellie a. o.
YOU ARE READING
Something Mending -- VOL 1
PoetryOf Breaking hearts, young love, betrayal and pain. Of Mending hearts, familiar pain, unexpected hurt and aftermath. Of Healing hearts, underated heartache, pain and acceptance. Of Love, Love that is as deep sea. Pain, that knows no bounds. Strength...
