Secret Love (Jenlisa)

Prologue

Lisa's POV

Well, where to begin... 

I'm not too sure when I first started to realize I had feelings for my instructor, but as each day passed, I noticed that I couldn't stop thinking about her or fantasizing about her. Not that I believed anything would ever really happen, but it made it hard to face her every day in class. 

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the thought of her, and thinking about what it would be like to kiss her; to feel her lips on mine. 

I wouldn't say she was the most attractive woman I've laid my eyes on, but in her own way she was was beautiful, and had this power about her that just drew you to her even more. She was only about five years older than me, but she seemed so much older, more sophisticated, and very well in control of her life. 

She was of average height, with long brown hair and gorgeous brown cat eyes. I'd say she was a few inches shorter than me. She would normally wear dresses to class, but on occasion would see her wear jeans, or something casual that made her seem more down to earth and reachable.

She was the head of our dental department, and basically ran the clinic. There were about five other instructors in our department but Jennie was basically the one in charge, though each instructor shared different responsibilities.

She had this unapproachable aura about her. You were almost scared to be called upon her in class, or to even have her look at you. She was very intimidating, but that made her even more attractive. You wanted her to notice you. I wanted to get close to her. I wanted to be more to her than just another student, but how could I do that? How could I become her friend or even more, especially when I was terrified to even be in the room alone with her? But I wanted so much more with her, but I knew I had to shake those feelings out of my head. It would never happen.

She was married with two kids, and as far as I knew she was happy with her marriage, and would never even think of being with another woman, or would even have these feelings towards me. I was crazy to even think this. So I was determined to push these feelings aside and to get on with my life and to just focus on school and what the future would hold for me.

I was terribly shy, and very introverted, and kept to myself a lot. No one knew I was gay and I liked it that way. I had only ever been with two women in my life and they were brief relationships, but I was very cautious to get involved with anyone again. My classmates assumed I had a boyfriend, and I led them to believe that. I didn't need the hassle of people knowing, let alone them feeling uncomfortable being around me.

I spent my nights curled up with books, studying or watching TV, maybe one day I would find that love, or be strong enough to find that person, but for now I always had an excuse to not go out. I had to study, I had an excuse to always do something. I didn't want the hassle of relationships, nor the hurt that always seemed to accompany them.

But lately, my thoughts of Jennie consumed me. Why couldn't I shake her from my mind? I had to stop this. Why did she have this hold over me, and why would I even care? What was it about her that just sucked me into her life? All I knew is that I had to end these feelings, and would just have to be content to live with this secret crush I had. No one could know, and I had to keep it that way.

Jennie was a very tough instructor, she was always hard on the students but even more so with me. On quite a few occasions I felt like going up to her and approaching her with these undeserving grades. I felt I didn't deserve some of her grades, and that I was working just as damn hard as everyone else, and deserved better. But the shy person I was, I just kept it to myself, and thought I was crazy to think that she singled me out and was harder on me then the rest. It must be my imagination, so I just tried to work harder at the clinic and lecture and ignored any crazy feelings that she held something against me.

But as the next semester came and went, over and over again I felt these unnerving feelings. Damn, what is it that she holds against me, and why do I find her so damn attractive? I knew I had to keep my feelings in check, and not let them get the best of me. But I knew I was working just as hard as the rest, and she was damn harder on me it seemed.

Summer semester was coming and I had a few weeks to think, and to get her out of my system so to speak. Summer was going to be long and hard and I knew I had to settle these feelings once and for all. I figured, damn her and the rest, this semester I'm going to get the grades I deserve. Forget any feelings I may have for her, its time to think of Lisa and to stand up for what I deserve.

The few weeks break we had off, I used that time to gain any confidence and strength in myself to face the summer. I needed to get refocused. I read a lot of self help books, confidence books, tapes, you name it, I tried. I was determined to go back to class a changed person. I wasn't going to let anyone get me down anymore. I had to take control of my life. I even thought that it was time to start dating again. I even tried some pheromones I had bought over the internet, not that I felt it would really work or that I would feel any more attractive by using it, or that people would flock towards me, but I did feel more confident, and if that is all it did than I was happy with that, for I felt much stronger and confident in myself.

I was going back to summer school ready and prepared for a great summer no matter what. I had gone on a few dates now but nothing that I would consider serious, but it was a start for me anyway to get back into the dating scene. People would consider me attractive, I was slim/athletic build, I loved to work out and keep my body in shape. I had shoulder length blonde hair, brown doe eyes, though I had the offers, I still felt like I was holding out for that special someone, so I kept my dates at arms length and didn't take things too seriously. I knew I would know when the time was right or situation was right to be intimate again, and I was content to just wait for that special someone to come into my life. 

Summer school started out great. I felt more confident in my clinical skills and even patients seemed more at ease with me. There were even a few occasions when Jennie was my supervisor for the day that she seemed almost impressed at how well I was doing. I had this new sense of well-being and that I could face anything. 

There was this new girl in class, Rosé was her name I think, who transferred in. She was beautiful, and a few times I had thought she was even flirting with me but not wanting anyone to know that I was gay I didn't approach her and figured if she was interested then maybe time would tell with that. So I let my options stay open with that. 

On one particular day I was finishing up a patient's teeth. Jennie was my supervisor for that day. She came up a few times and asked if I was doing okay and needed help, and I told her I was fine. I was actually surprised at how helpful she was with me. A few times she checked up on me and patted me on my back and said good work. It just felt strange that she was overly interested in how well I was doing. I wasn't complaining but it just seemed strange. Was she actually flirting with me, or was I just reading too much into her gestures? She definitely was being friendly, that's for sure. She had never been so helpful before, and now just seemed all too willing to see how I was doing every few minutes. 

Either way, I wasn't going to let my thoughts wander to any hopeful thoughts of her. I knew I needed to stay focused this semester, with graduation just around the corner and with board exams, I knew I had to stay focused on the present and keep any fantasies of her and I out of my mind cause that is all they were, just hopeful fantasies. I know she would never feel the same towards me as I do for her, plus the fact of her being married...

It was just a crazy dream anyway.