Secret Love (Jenlisa)

Chapter 17

Third Person's POV

Jennie stayed downstairs after she saw Lisa go upstairs looking completely heartbroken.

She wanted to say she was sorry, that she didn't know what to do, that she was scared, but the words just wouldn't come out right.

"Why do you always fuck things up Jennie!?" She screamed at herself as she flung her glass against the wall.

Broken glass shattered everywhere, but Jennie didn't care. She had hurt the best thing ever to have come into her life, but she couldn't let her know that or let herself allow to feel anything for this girl.

Why was she so scared to feel anything for Lisa? Why was she afraid to love her? Her own fears were destroying them both.

Lisa woke up with a jolt as she heard something shatter downstairs. She wanted to call out to see if Jennie was okay, but at this point, she really wasn't in the mood to really bother, so she just laid there in her somber thoughts again.

She heard Jennie come up soon after. Lisa's back was turned and the lights were off so Jennie didn't know that she was still awake.

Lisa heard Jennie crying near the edge of the bed. She wanted to reach out to her but knew that she couldn't.

"Lisa, are you still awake?" Jennie called out to her.

After a short pause, Lisa, although reluctant, decided to reply, "Yes, Jennie...I am."

"Can we talk?"

"Jennie, at this point, what is really left to talk about? Haven't we talked enough already anyway? It seems that all we do is talk...talk about this or that. So I can't talk anymore, Jennie. I'm too tired...I'm too tired emotionally with all of this."

Jennie was quiet for a while, not sure of what to say. She changed clothes and got under the covers, then rolled over toward Lisa to talk to her.

"Lisa, can you turn around, please?"

Lisa sighed and rolled over to look at Jennie in the dim light.

"Lisa...there is no excuse for what I did downstairs or the way I have treated you in the past few weeks with my indecisiveness, and going back and forth with my behavior toward you and my emotions. But I do want you to know one thing. Everything I have said to you is the truth. When I told you the other night that I love you, and when we kissed, that all meant so much to me, and tonight did as well. I can't explain the reason why I'm so scared to go any further with you, or why I'm having such a hard time trying to solve this, when I don't know the answer myself. But I am sorry for everything; for hurting you and for putting you through so much. I wish this was easier for me. I want to love you and make love with you, but I don't know how to go beyond my fears. I don't know what I want. And...I just...I..."

Jennie began to cry and couldn't continue. She didn't know what else to say to Lisa, or how she could ever make it up to her.

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Lisa's POV

I didn't know how to respond to her crying. I was upset with her and angry with her, but no matter what, I couldn't stay angry despite everything that happened.

I still love her...

So I reached up and wiped away her tears and hugged her. I pulled her into me and just held her and comforted her. I didn't know how I was going to handle this damn situation with her and her husband, but I guess I was in over my head now.

She was so confused with everything, that she didn't know what she wanted, and unfortunately, I was the one stuck in the middle; the one getting pushed and pulled around and hurt in this.